Getting really down...
6 Replies
notsotypicalblonde - October 24

Hi All, Today I am really started to get depressed about not being able to get pregnant. My period arrived today, and it was certainly not a welcome visitor.

As a bit of background, I am nearly 39 with a wonderful partner who is 41 and a nearly 5 year old little boy from my previous marriage (who also does have special needs). My partner has no children and we both really want to have a child together before my biological clock totally runs out.

Earlier this year (Feb), I fell pregnant but unfortuneately contracted chickenpox from my son and misscarried at 13 weeks. I had also miscarried another pregnancy during my previous marriage, so I have now had 2 misscarriages in a row).

Unfortuneately my partner has had to work overseas for much of the time since my last misscarriage. We have however had 2 months (out of 5) where we have been together at what is supposed to be the right time and have "really tried" at those times.

But again today found out we were not successful.

Its all I think about. I am now so down about the fact that he wont be home next month even so we can try again. Which means it's another two cycles before we even have any chance of trying.

It just seems so despressing. I so desperately want to have another child and dont even want to contemplate the fact it might not happen, but it is a nagging thought in the back of my mind. One of my magazines even arrived this month with an article on secondary infertility, which made me even more depressed.

Before my period came, I was even psycologically giving myself pregancy symptoms! Please anyone, how do I stop myself obsessing so much about this, its really affecting me a lot????

Thanks so much for an advice anyone can offer.

Kind regards


lovemy3 - October 24

Hi Katrina, Sorry to hear you are feeling so down. I am on CD30 and having af symptoms too and wondering, gosh how much longer am I going to have do this. All I can say is try to stay positive. For me, I just remind myself that it is in Gods timing not mine. It is so hard though. With your dh being away you just have to stay joyful and focus on your little guy and enjoy him. I know how you feel when, not having another doesn't even sound like an option, it is hard to even think about, try not to for now and staty positive and look forward to the other things in your life. Best wishes


HeatherP - October 24

Hi Katrina. Sorry to hear you are having such a rough go of it. This can be such a stressful time. Getting pregnant isn't as easy as I always thought it would be...especially now that I am over 35. I would have started sooner had I known.
I have been trying to have a baby for over a year with no luck. We have had 2 miscarriages in the past year as well. We are getting ready to try IVF next month after 4 failed IUI's. Have you seen a fertility specialist and had a workup done on you and your husband to see what might be the issue? Hopefully it is just a timing issue. Are you tracking ovulation and temps? Sending lots of baby dust your way!!


heather3233 - October 24

Katrina, I soooo know how you feel. I have been upset and obsessing now for weeks but you know the best thing I have found was just to let yourself have a good scream and let it out. hahaha No realy, you need to vent so you don't hold it all in and make yourself sick. This site is a great way to do that, and to find people in the same situation your in.
I have been trying for 4 months and I haven't had a AF at all. And to make it worse when I went to the Doc. I answered more of my own questions on -line then she did. I even told her the meds. I thought I might need! I need to change doc.s! hahaha I wish I could tell you how to stop obsessing but I do it to so I can't. But I can tell you that if you need someone to obsess with Im here for 8 hours EVERY DAY. LOL Cheer up girl.... ***baby dust***


JenG - October 24

Hi Katrina, I am sorry you are having a rough time of it. I have had 2 miscarriages myself in the past year and unexplained fertility. I and my DH is 34, and we are going though IVF now. I guess what I am wondering is if you do not see your DH often and are 39, why are you just not jumping ahead to IVF? I would not waste any more time, if another child is what you want.


notsotypicalblonde - October 24

Thanks so much to all of you, who welcomed me and have offered there support, it does mean a lot. I dont have really many friends, so I really appreciate your kind thoughts and support.

Actually I do think I will take the advice to go see my doctor...what sort of things would I want to ask my doc about at a first visit about this???

I have not tried charting, I am going to look into that. I tried using the LH ovulation test kit last month. I tried it on the first day recommended (Day 11 from FDP on my 28 day cycle), tested postive and then again positive the next day. So we "acted on the information" LOL. I didn't test again..not sure if I should have kept testing or not?

How do you all test yourself with these kits???

I think that feeling so powerless is the hardest. I have always kinda thought that if I tried hard enough with something then I would suceed.... and I'm not giving up but I do have to realise that it's not all up to me! Actually I was tallking to my sons father about it last night (funny I know, but we still have a very close supportitive relationship) and he told me just to keep praying about it, and I said I have and he said, "No Katrina, God is NOT Santa, you have to pray for his will, whatever that may be". So, that's what I'm trying to do.... its not easy but I am trying....for me the Serenity Prayer is a good one!

Thanks again for your support, I really so appreciate it!


HeatherP - October 25

Katrina - How are you? I would definitely make an appointment with your OBGYN as soon as possible. They will start by asking you basic questions about your periods and if they are regular, if you are ovulating on your own by using your BBT (basal body temps), if you have been pregnant before, history of miscarriages, etc... After they get the basic information, they will either start their investigation or go ahead and refer you to an RE (Reproductive Endocronlogist). My OBGYN had me chart my temps and use the OPK's for 3 months. He determined that I was not ovulating every month so we started with using Clomid. I did get pregnant but had an early miscarriage so he went ahead and referred me to the RE. Once I got to the RE, he sent me and my husband both for blood work, a sperm analysis for my husband and an HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) for me to ensure my tubes weren't blocked. We then tried doing the IUI (Intrauterine Inseminations) but they didn't work so we are trying IVF this next month. There are so many different medications and procedures to help you with getting pregnant, so the sooner you get to the doctor the better. I was lucky that I had a friend that was going through fertility treatments and told me not to waste my time trying on my own since I was over 35. The OBGYN recommended that if you are under 30 you should give it a year to try and get pregnant on your own but if you are over 30 and haven't gotten pregnant within 6 months you should see a specialist. The quality of our eggs goes down with age....especially if you over over 35. Like me, you may be able to get pregnant on your own but it could take a long time. At least with fertility treatments, your odds go up that it will happen sooner than later. Wishing you lots of luck! Let me know how your first appointment goes. Sincerely, Heather



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