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Ann, please let me know how your u/s goes! I always think thats such an exciting appointment when you get to see those follies. Good luck! I dont know what to think..I have been wearing a panty liner due to the progesterone leakage, went to the bathroom, and noticed some of the progesterone on the panty liner wasnt white, it was sort of tinged tan. When I wiped, there was a little spot of blood. Went to the bathroom a little while ago, and only when I wiped did a see a little smidge again. Now nothing. Im only on cd 24, but Im thinking its AF early? Maybe from the meds? I dont know..All I can do now is wait and see if it comes full force and call my RE in the morning, since they say spotting is day one. I dont even know if I can count this as spotting at this point. AURGH.
I know all about the "oops" pregnancies, seems I have a lot of friends who have had them. If you really want to get infuriated, look on the teen forum here. Who knows how many of the stories are truthful, but I have browsed on there a few times, and was just disgusted that 16 year olds were pregnant "by accident"!! I cant even get pregnant on purpose! My girlfriend who's baptism we are attending Sunday wants me to come hang out with her and her kids on Saturday while our DH's golf. I just dont think I can do it. I love her kids, I just cant be around that right now. I got a invitation in the mail for my step sister in laws 3rd baby shower (shouldnt you stop having baby showers at some point, maybe after your FIRST??) and I dont think I am going to attend that either. Sometimes, you just need to remove yourself when you can from those situations, so I can only imagine a lunch where I was forced to listen to that conversation. Im happy for everyone who has kids or is pregnant, but it is hard at times. I'll be looking forward to your u/s post!

CC, I hope that isn't your af coming!! It seems like lots of people still spot a little between O and BFP. I hope that is the case for you. I had an u/s this morning. I have one 14mm follie and an 11 on my right. He said there was one on my left, but he never said the size and I forgot to ask (assume it was small). I only have to take 150 Follistim tonight (plus the Lupron)--no Menopur--yea! I am going out of town for work today. I am so so glad I don't have to do the Menopur out of town. I survived a baby shower last night, but it was from hell. I had to go early and stay late to help w/food. The host's wife is a stay-at-home mom and talked about absolutely nothing but her kids. Thanks for the tip on the teen site. I will avoid that like the plague. Those situations are so frustrating, because most of the young girls have no clue what they are getting into and what all they will miss out on in life. I totally agree with you that you should avoid doing the kid thing over the weekend, since you feel like you need it. The Baptism will probably be tough enough! That is so strange that your sil is having a third baby shower! At that point it is basically saying, "Send me gifts." How are you doing today? Do you have any updates from last night?

Hi Ann-your follies on your right sound great considering you have a few more days to go before your IUI. I always feel like telling people "good job"! when the follies are good!! Im glad you dont have to take the Menopur again, what a relief huh? I layed in bed last night thinking about the Menopur and shots for way to long. Any update on when your IUI might be now ? I agree about my SIL and the baby shower. I think its another reason I am not going. I am starting to resent all the gifts for baby showers and birthdays. I guess it isnt really about the gifts, its that I cant invite anyone to my baby shower or childs birthday party. We went to Disneyland last Saturday to celebrate my girlfriends middle sons birthday, so I think thats why I dont want to hang out Saturday with her. Its just been a lot lately, and w/ the Baptism on Sunday, Im sort of done! Talk about another place you want to avoid-Disneyland!! All the kids were so cute and sweet, but after a few hour it wore on me, and then seeing all the little tiny babies, and pregnant women (young and old)-forget it! I told the girls on my other thread Im not going back there unless I have a child of my own to take! Besides its the ultimate rip off, I dont remember how much it was to get in but I think about 60.00 something a person. Thats insane! No updates on me this morning. Still just spotting when I wipe. Wore a pad all night last night and there is not a thing on it. Will call the RE soon, I dont know what they will tell me to do. I guess get the blood test if the flow doesnt increase but I need a ultrasound, otherwise by Monday it will be too late, unless they are ok with waiting. I dont know. Im frustrated but what can I do. Enjoy your out of town trip. Where are you going, anywhere fun?

CC, I think that is odd that your dr considers cd1 as your spotting day. My dr and everyone I've talked to says their dr consider the first day of full flow as cd1. Also, maybe the progesterone is keeping you from coming full flow if this is af. Unless you hit full flow, you should go ahead and do the blood test. Then, you will know for sure. What does your dr look for on cd3? Mine just looks for anything left over from the previous month and cysts. If you are a day off, I don't know if that would matter. I am not going anywhere fun--just a small town in Texas w/a college. I am doing recruiting for our department at work. I enjoy it even though it is tough to relate to the young people sometimes. I think my iui will likely be Monday morning. I have that next u/s on Saturday, and my guess is that at least the big follie will be ready, especially since I will be doing the 150 of Follistim. Disneyland--wow, what could be more difficult?? I don't think I could stand to go there. This may sound overboard, but I don't feel like hanging out with any parents even w/o their kids right now. Just hearing the discussions is getting to me. Also, if I see one more pg woman, I think I will die!! Just got pulled into some work--talk to you later.

Ann, about the cd 1 and spotting thing-I had never heard of that either until this Dr and I found this out last month by accident. I spotted last month for 2 whole days before actually starting AF. I didnt count the spotting day as I never did before. When I was taking Clomid and my OB was following me, she always told me cd 1 is the 1st full day of flow. A girl on my other thread said her RE counts spotting as day 1 and I should ask my RE. When I went in for my u/s on my cd 3 but was really the RE's cd 5, she told me any spotting is day 1 and there is no harm in starting early with the count day because they are monitoring you anyway. I think you would have to take the meds longer though if you counted day 1 as spotting. Its all the same really, I guess..Off a day or two, you are right, it doesnt matter much. RE is still having me come for the b/t, although Im sure its a waste. We will do a u/s there too to clear for the next cycle. They check for the same thing your RE checks for. She said early spotting in pregnancy is common so there is no way to tell at this point what the spotting is, however, she said the progesterone will hold AF off and that could also be whats happening. Who knows. I am in limbo until tomorrow afternoon but I am sure its early AF and I will start Menopur sooner then expected. Bummer. I dont think what you said sounds overboard at all about not even wanting to be w/ parents. I sort of feel the same way. What bugs me is when they are all the authority about having kids, from labor, to teens, and everything in between. I know they have been there, done that, but I dont need to hear the lectures, the tips, the pointers, the how to's on everything!! That drives me crazy. Maybe when I finally have a baby I will be more interested but sometimes I feel like saying "HELLO-do you see a child next to me that I can apply these things too??!!!" ..Thanks, that felt good!! : ) Another u/s on Saturday, thats good. I love to see the follies grow! Is the small town you are going to w/in driving distance. I would think some of the travel would be nice sometimes and break up the days..Do you look for prospects that are about to graduate from college w/ a major that suits your company?

Hi CC, any news from your blood test??? I am dying to know the results!! Yes, my company only hires from certain majors--Accounting majors (almost always only with a Master's degree) and law school graduates (usually only if they also have a LLM in Tax). Within that, the minimum GPA is 3.2 (they lowered it this year from 3.4). My trip was in driving distance (we take limos down). It was not fun at all, except for the fact that I got to go to a spa for free and get a massage and facial. I had another u/s this morning, and something happened that has never happened to me before. My dominant follie shrunk or went away. This is actually good news, because that one likely would have made me trigger when I had only one or two mature follies. Now, I have 4 coming in on my right and 2 on my left. They are all slightly below 12mm, so I don't know how many will make it. I have to take more Menopur tonight and tomorrow night (SO not looking forward to that). The RE thinks I will trigger now on Wednesday. I am hoping for Thursday, so I can have iui on Saturday (so much easier with work). I hope everything is going well for you this weekend, especially the baptism. I hope you didn't get stuck in any kid-only discussions. Aside from the parents always being the authority on stuff, it irritates me when you say your opinion and if it is not the same opinion as theirs you get the, "Well, you don't know anything because you don't have any kids" response! Do you get to do anything fun this weekend? I have a dinner tonight with a client and her husband. I could really use some veg time after just returning home, but oh well. At least dh and I get to go out to a nice free dinner. It could be worse!

Hi Ann-Hope you had a nice weekend. That is odd about your follie, but like you said, in a way good! I havent heard of that before, did the RE have any idea why that happened? Your follies sound like mine when I did my IUI. You will be getting another u/s before Wednesday right, to know how big they are now? Thats exciting, I like all the follies. I would hate to have 3 or more babies, but at this point, the more the merrier! My b/t was a BFN. To add insult to injury, I have 6 large cysts (they think another smaller follie might have made it to size, so I have as many cysts as I did follies). Im on bcp for the next 3 wks, hopefully I get AF on my own, and will go in for another u/s to make sure all the cysts are gone before starting again. Talk about frustrating. Needless to say, I had a tough weekend and couldnt seem to get out of the funk of it all. The baptism was awful, I felt like I was on automatic pilot w/ a fake smile plastered on my face the whole time. I know all we can do is move on, but I am finding it difficult to keep positive at this point. I just feel the looming dread that this might not work either, and while IVF is also exciting and hopeful, its a huge step financially-and I am already thinking about what if that doesnt work? Its just overwhelming at times, for all of us I guess. My RE will only do another 2 rounds of IUI before we either have to move on, or find another RE who would do more. Anyway-I found it interesting that they lowered the GPA for your company. Is that because there were not good candidates or many to choose from when the GPA minimum was 3.4 ? Limo's and free massage's and facials-At least they give you some nice perks w/ your job!! Keep me posted on your progess, now it is me living through you!

Hi CC. I am so glad to hear from you! I have been wondering how you were doing and what happened. So sorry about you BFN and your cysts. I know how depressing it is. Just try to take it one day at a time and don't give up hope. I know you can't help but think "what if." With the Baptism, the weekend had to really be tough for you. But, you survived and are strong! After the BCPs, you should get for af for sure. By that time, the lining will have built up and will need to shed. That is great you can start again in 3-4 weeks. I have another u/s today at 5:30. I can hardly concentrate today, because I am dying to see what my follies are doing. I didn't even think to ask the RE why the follie shrunk. Last night was a tough shot night. My Menopur hurt like hell Saturday, so I didn't want to do shots last night. I sat and cried for 30 minutes before I could even do my first shot (did Menopur last yesterday). After that, my stomach was upset for a couple hours. I didn't get to bed until after 1am. I am so tired today. I counted and I have done 31 shots so far this cycle. It is daunting to me. Last time I only had to do 23 total. They lowered the minimum GPA, because we are in such need of people and have been short-staffed for a couple years. I don't know how much it will help, though. I have concerns, too, about multiples. Twins would be great, but 3+ is so much more risky and would be very difficult. At this point, I would certainly choose three over zero, however! Do you have any plans for the week?

Ann, how was your ultrasound??!! Im sorry you are struggling from the Menopur so much this time, but give yourself some credit-you have given yourself an enormous amount of shots this month, especially for someone who hates the needles!! Hopefully, you should soon be done w/ it all and just get ready to wait after your IUI. Let me know your status, Im excited!

Hi CC. The u/s went well. I have 2 14mm follies on the right and 1 14mm on the left and one 11mm on the left. So I will have at least 3 and maybe 4 by iui time. The dr still thinks he will trigger me on Wednesday and have iui on Friday. I may try to take the day off, but I am not sure if that will be possible. My estradiol is where it should be as well. I know not to get excited by all this stuff, though. I weighed myself last night, and I haven't gained, but my pants are tight in the waist. He said my ovaries are "distended." I am wearing some pants today that I bought one size to big (so they would be long enough), and they are even tight! Did you experience this?? I hope it goes away soon after I start the meds. I don't have to do any more Menopur--yea!!! My next u/s is Wednesday at 3:30. How are you doing? Is it nice to be able to step back for a little while?

Ann, wow, your follies sound great!! Are you triggering today? I hope that you are, and you can be done w/ all the shots for a few weeks while going through the torture of the 2ww. I hope this is the end of the road for you, I really do! I get so inspired when others get their BFP's. Its hard, but at the same time, you get hope again just when you think there isnt any. I had a ton of bloating w/ my meds. It was awful and I got so tired of feeling big and puffy. I told my dh on certain days, if the wind blew right, I felt like I could float away like a balloon! It has gone down a lot, but I am still bloated some, maybe due to the cysts and the meds leaving my body. I took my 1st bcp last night, so who knows what they will do to me. Its so sad what we must put our bodies through. My Mom thinks its horrible but what else can we do? Im doing ok-it is sort of nice to leave all the pressure, the RE appointments, the meds behind sometimes, but at the same time, it makes you feel like you arent doing anything pro-active to help yourself along. Its ok though, there isnt much I can now and have to get rid of these cysts, otherwise I'll be sitting out for much longer. My Dad passed away in Feb and its been just one of those years for me between that and the infertility. So stressful. I decided last night that I am going to see a therapist. I think just having that person to be a sounding board through everything thats happened to me will help me, and bring down the stress level and emotions. I have also started to think about what I will do if we cant have kids of our own. I think about traveling a lot, although my dh is a tough sell, he has been everywhere already and doesnt want to travel like I do. Just thinking about what my new focus and purpose in life will be without kids..Oh, so deep!! LOL!

CC, I am really sorry about your dad. I know how that is. My mom died in 2001, and I took care of her for 6 months before she died. Those are very trying times. I can't imagine what my mom would say if I would've discussed this with her. She could be pretty negative, so I doubt I would have told her (I have never told anyone about ttc and our problems except on the board of course). She wouldn't understand, especially considering she got pg at the drop of a hat 3 times...I do wonder about how it will be not having anyone to call for advice if I ever do have a baby. I am the youngest in my family and have little experience with kids. I have wondered the same thing about focus and travel is also at the top of my list. I absolutely love to travel. My dh hasn't been hardly anywhere!! His first time to Europe was when we eloped to Italy in 2003. I have to admit that I try not to think about that "what if" too often, because it can really bring me down. I plan on crossing that bridge if I come to it. What exactly are your ttc issues? Are you planning to try ivf if you need to? When is your next u/s to look at your cysts? With everyone I know that has had cysts from meds, the cysts went away the next cycle. I won't know until my appt at 3:30 today about triggering. I hope I am ready. I have done 37 shots now and feel really fat, uncomfortable, and irritable!! The fat part is fine at home, but at work, I feel like everyone is thinking "Geez did she gain weight??"

Ann, I am equally sorry about your Mom. My Dad went fast, and for that I feel lucky, but it must have been really hard on you while taking care of her. It all just sucks, death, etc, and although its a part of life, it still is hard for the people who remain to pick up the pieces and move on after they are gone. UGH! You were smart not to tell anyone about ttc-we only told a few, but the few that we have told has made me wish we didnt. They mean well, but no one really knows what to say after each bfn and as you approach each procedure more invasive then the 1st, I think they get more and more afraid, which just makes it all so much worse! My dh has tried to tell me that they mean well, and I know they do, but Im sick of hearing all the cliches "It will happen" "Your time will come" etc..Its just better when no one knows, and when you have a forum and a outlet like this, honestly who needs people who dont understand what you are going through! Eloping in Italy, how romantic!! I want to see everywhere and as much of the world as I can. Its the next best thing to me, besides having a baby. We are in the unexplained catagory. My dh has slightly low motility and morphology, otherwise everything has checked out that has been tested. He is so boardline on the levels of both two diff Dr's told us it shouldnt make a difference but something just isnt working here. We will probably try IVF which seems to be coming much faster then I want it to. I just think there should be something more, more tests, more something, to go from IUI's to IVF just after a few tries. I dont go back to the RE until I start AF again, before cd 3 for the u/s to make sure the cysts are gone and to get cleared for the meds, etc. Not for another month! Its ok though. I understand about the bloating, its all for a good cause though in the end, and maybe people at work will think you just had one too many cookies!

I do cook a lot, so between that and recruiting season, I can definitely blame my fatness on food! I just got back from my u/s. My follies are super strange this month. Now I have a 22 and a 15.7 on my right and a 15.4 on my left. I think he may have said something about a 13 on my left, too, but I can't remember. I have to do another 150 of Follistim tonight and then trigger tomorrow night. I will have iui Saturday morning now. I am so glad about that, because I won't have to deal with work!! 3 more shots to go...those cliches are bad, but the all-time worst to me is "just relax." That makes me SO not relaxed!!! Where do you want to travel first? I am sure the unexplained is extra frustrating from not knowing, but on the up side, they haven't found anything wrong!! 99% of the time I am glad no one knows, but sometimes it would help if they did. When I leave work, it would be nice to say I have to go to the dr rather than make up countless excuses that I have to keep straight.:)

Ann, that sounds like a good progession of follies since your last u/s..I hope you go into your IUI with 4, although I am now a firm party member of the "You only need one" club. But-I am always so happy when I have several follies, it just makes you feel better aboout your chances. Saturday IUI's, that is my heaven too, it does make it so much easier on the work schedule. Does your boss know what you are going through so at least you dont have to make up stories there too? I didnt think about having to keep all your stories straight, but really, I guess its better then everyone knowing your business. My boss knows, so I dont have to lie, but I dont give details either. I just tell her I have a Dr appointment and thats it. She doesnt ask questions, thankfully. I asker her to keep it confidential, but who knows. In the work place, it seems nothing is really confidential. Sorry you have another shot before you trigger, but you are on the tail end, and now the exciting part starts..at least the "relax and take a break' part! I want to travel everywhere!! I think we are going to plan a trip to Canada for our 2nd anniversay which is June, but we should be doing our IUI in June, so the plan is for early July now. I would love to go to the Netherlands, Sweden, Norway-that whole area. I want to see Ireland, and Italy, Bermuda, the list goes on and on..Where have you been besides Italy, and how was it? I bet it was beautiful there. I have been to lots of places in the US, and lots of Mexico -Cabo, Cancun, Matzatlan etc. but otherwise, havent been anywhere else.

CC, when I said we don't tell anyone about ttc, I meant no one at all (not even my best friend or any family), so no my bosses don't know. I have to be creative with appts. Most of the time I can schedule appts early in the morning or around lunch so my absence won't be as noticed. Canada would be fun! A friend of mine and I have kicked around going to Montreal this summer with my dh and his bf. I have never been to Canada. Where do you plan to go there? July will be a good time. In the US, I have been to every state west of the Mississippi river except Alaska plus all the southern coast states and New York, Tennessee, Massachusetts, Virginia, and DC. I visited Hawaii three times. In Europe, I have only been to France, Italy, and Spain. I have been to Mexico (Cozumel), and I swore I would never go back. It is depressing to me to vacation around the poverty and I hate the hounding for money and to sell you this or that. Also, I didn't even brush my teeth with the water there, and I still got sick! I have been to the Bahamas and in the Caribbean I have been to Grand Cayman, Guadeloupe (a French island), and Puerto Rico. I went to Fiji once, too. After the first time I went to Europe (which was only 2002), I don't want to go anywhere else. I love it there!! Do you speak any other languages? I can get around in French which also helps on Spanish and Italian menus. Italy was amazing. We didn't spend near enough time there (only 4 days). I have spent a total of about 5 weeks in France. Most of that time was in Bordeaux. My dh and I are really into wine. We did a lot of touring at the wine chateaux in Bordeaux. I would love to live there! Have you figured up when you think your next iui will happen? I know you said June but didn't know what part of June you thought.