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I am on cd6. I started crying a little while ago with that whole fear thing again. Remember last month when we were talking about the "do or die" time of the month. Well, it is almost upon me again and I am, of course, scared I am never going to get pg. Sometimes I wish I didn't care so much just so it wouldn't hurt so bad and be such a roller coaster ride of emotions. Well, I have to look at the bright side...JCR got a BFP!!!!!!!! YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!

Tracy it is all very overwhelming and a very cruel rollercoaster ride! You are probably a little emotional due to your non smoking regimen you are doing too. Hang in there and live like this is the month!! That is what I did last month and I was lucky! Hang in there girl!

Tracy goodluck with HSG, that was going to be my next request! I hope it goes well. I have read where several women have gotten pg within 3 months of hsg! That would be great. Also, Lori, I am going to stay on you about acupuncture. I remember going in one day and just kept crying in the office, the acupuncturist hit one point that made me walk out feeling like I was on cloud 9, it was really strange, but felt great! Her average patient was 42 that she was getting pg, meaning half her results were with women above that age. Hang in there and try to find one for you!! It will help a lot I think!

Hi everyone. Great new thread and name..Phew, we needed it. Tracy, good luck w/ your hsg tomorrow. When I had mine, it was minimal pain, and lasted all of 10 minutes. Cramping some, but well worth it. Just make sure you bring a pad or panty liner, in case they dont offer you one (although they should and probably will). You will do great and I am praying for open, clear, dye spilling tubes! jcr, still on cloud 9 for you! Lynn, I still didnt read word of AF ?? Come on, Im pulling for you, feeling bitchy or not! Lori, I like you attitude about not wanting to bring everyone else down (although as mentioned, we are here for you and I hope you are ok) but my Dad is much worse. He has a internal bleed, a irregular mass on his intestines, and nodes on his liver. His heart beat is so irregular they cant get in there to see exactly whats what until they get him stablized. Needless to say we are flying out either Wednesday night or Thursday morning. Will make reservations after I check in with work tomorrow morning. Its sucks and I have had the most horrible last few days of my life! Enough of that, but thanks for the thoughts and well wishes. I have decided 2006 has already started with such a bad bang between the RE stuff and my Dad, I am due for some good news soon!! Lulu, glad to see you back, and EMM I think its great you found that infertility clinic stuff and are going to check it out. As we all know, its always so nice to be able to talk to people walking in your very shoes.
I am exhausted and need to go to bed. Just wanted to check in and tell you I was thinking of you all...Talk tomorrow.

oh-Tracy, huge pats on the back for not smoking for this long!! I know you can do it for many more days to come, and your body will soon begin to thank you if it hasnt already!! You go girl!!!!

((CC)) -So sorry to hear about your dad. My heart goes out to you. Trips for that type of circumstance are the hardest to take, you dread going but it seems like you will never get there. Keep us posted. JCR - I know that your appointment this morning will go well and your #s will be doubling as they should!! Tracy - I am sure your HSG will go fine. Keep us posted. I completely understand about the crying and the caring too much. Ok, here is my "vent" - my DH and I were served papers on Saturday to appear in court with regards to child support for our adoptive daughter. We are in arrears to the tune of $5,600 (we had to pay retro from the time we signed her into the treatment facility). The bitch about that is that we had just maxed out a credit card to pay for it, but haven't had a chance to send it in. #1, I can't handle legal issues - know nothing about them, so now we have to go through the expense of a lawyer. #2, Getting served just brings back all of the horrible things she did, and once again my emotions are in turmoil over it all. #3 - this legal situation definately put ttc on hold indefinately and I am 43 and time IS running out, that is just reality. My sister asked me "what would be my next step if I just had to come to the realization that we would never have kids?" I just lost it and started balling - I might just as well roll over and die!! I can't picture myself at 50, 60 or 70 without ever having children!! I want a job, can't find one, haven't worked in 5 years (had been doing foster care), we are in debt up to our eyeballs, DH and I are barely on speaking terms at this point (so ttc is way out of the picture). Truth of the matter is, is that my husband is probably one of the nicest guys on the planet who busts his ass 8 - 12 hours a day at a dirty steel mill, wouldn't say shit if he had a mouth full and I am his loser bitch of a wife. With all of that, I don't think I should (or have the right to) hold on to the dream of having a child. Letting go and ending the dream is just so hard, but I have to be adult enough to realize that it is something that is just not meant to be. I wouldn't really want to bring a child into this mess I have created anyway. I am truly sorry, it is not my intention to bring anyone down!! I will keep checking in to see how you are all doing. You are a wonderful bunch of ladies!!! Just remember, my post is my reality and not yours, and I am confident that each of you will achieve your dream!!! Perhaps my future will hold a brighter tomorrow and once all of this gets straightened out, I'll jump back on the ttc train. My best wishes to all of you!!!

Wow, I haven't been on in 2 days and everyone showed up. LOL. CC sorry to hear about your dad. well we got 16 inches here in nj. Too much snow when we had to remove it off the pool. We love the snow but when it comes to removing that much it sucks. I hope everyone is well i am on cycle day 19. I got my fingers crossed. I only took one opk at that was last week and we didn't bd much this month. I will be back soon. I have to take my dog to the vet. After all this time I found a stitch still left in her leg. IT is soo clear that i never saw it until it got irritated. I feel like a bad mother. ttyl. Bellyrubs and Babydust!!!!!!!!!

Lori. thank you for sharing your pain. I'm glad you could get it out and not bottle it up inside. I am not good with legel issues either, so I can understand how much tension you feel right now, especially since it has to with your adopted daughter. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I know time will heal this, so if perhaps you make a goal to put off baby making for about 3 months, things will be better then. I don't think you have to give up altogether, or maybe it's just that I don't want you to. Either way, try to give this situation the time it needs to get smoothed out. Don't be sad please. CC---I'm also really sorry about you dad. Unfortunately it is something we will all have to face at some point, but I'm sorry it's you now. We could all use good news, but now you and Lori need it more than anyone! My heart truly goes out to both of you.

Lori, I am so sorry it sounds like a complete nightmare, especially when you did so much for that girl. It seems like she keeps haunting you. I wish I could give you a big hug! Hang in there with the job hunting, I am sure something great is coming your way, after all the bs you have put up with. You are 43, plenty of women get pg and carry a normal healthy baby at your age. Hang in there and let yourself cry and have a bad day, that is ok, in fact it is probably really healthy at this point. You are allowed to morn, it has been a rough road for you. I hope and pray that things will make a turn and start to get better and better. Look into probono lawyers, there are ones that will do work like this for free. Look through the front of your phonebook for legal help, even phone a few law offices. Lots will do a free consultation for you. Be proactive and make this your part time job as you are looking. Hang in there my friend. Big hug. CC, I am so sorry to hear about your Dad, going out there will be a good thing. It will help you deal with it and it will help you reconnect with your Dad. And he will live on through this baby that is coming your way soon. Tracy how was hsg? I hope they got everything clear and left a map for the sperm!! Lynn, any sign of AF? Any symptoms? D, have fun shovelling snow! I miss it everyonce in a while, but not the cold!! Emm, how was the seminar-was it last weekend? I hope you got some excellent information. BIG HUGS and BELLYRUBS!!

((Lori)), what a nightmare. I am really sorry you are going through all of this. I too dont know much about our legal system, but if you have the money to pay it, can you just not pay it or send it in now, and the case will be dropped? I am really sorry for what you are going through. It must be overly stressful and I can only imagine. Would ttc be put on hold for financial reasons only ? I know its not a good way, but what about filing for bankruptcy..That way you sort of get a clean fresh start. (By the way-you arent a loser-bitch of a wife just because of all this or not being able to get pregnant-we would all fall into that catagory then, and I know thats not true and I know your dh doesnt think that). I know these are just words on a page but I feel for you and wish there was something more I could do or say. Dont leave us, and keep us updated. Things will get better, they always do in the end, no matter what. Dont give up on ttc, frustrating and heartbreaking as it is, you just have to keep going and keep all of us going with you. Hugs...

Lori, sorry to hear things are not going well. Lori expect the unexpected think of this as something that willl have your mind occupied. you never know it might just happen. As for our legal system. they don't stop until they get their money. they will not leave you alone. I hope that it will all be ok and don't say those things about yourself. I think all the ladies on here will agree we may not know each other in person but you are a great friend to everyone of us and a great woman.

Well today the stranges thing happened this morning. I went to the potty and well there was a brown spot on my panties. Nothing else. I am shocked at this. I have never had that ever. Any thoughts?? the witch is not due in a 8 days already can you believe how time flies. It comes to fast every month the disapointment part anyway and the pain. I hope everyone is well. I shoveled the snow yesterday today I am laying on the couch. Lol. I feel like i ran into a brick wall.. LOL.

All I can say is WOW I had a hard time at that HSG thing!!!!! Mind you, my doctor has done this a million times, he took part in the clinical trials for it years ago, but he could not get the catheter into my uterus. Eventually he had to dialate my cervix, got it in, and from there it was smooth sailing. I keep having these distinct sharp pains, although not bad enough to be concerned about. Anyway....he said the tubes looked good and that I should have a good month since they just got blown clean:) By the way, he also said the tube on my right is really long; although nothing to be concerned about at all. Well, I have to go lay down. I'll check back in a little while. Hugs!!

Lori....I know so many have asid this but I am sorry for all the hurt that seems to be popping up again. I can relate to the financial issues. I am looking into a part-time job to help with our situation also. I know it is nothing like dishing out almost 6,000.00 at once but....I am not giving up on my dream to have a child just yet. they say if you wait to afford a child, you will never have one. I am hoping this works for us. I wish you luck and hope you will still stick with us to chat. I completely understand if this is not something you can do for now and I believe these girls would understand also. Well........AF has arrived today. Knew I wasn't pregnant and was basically waiting for her to show so I can see if this cycle we are growing follies on my left. I am going to do one more cycle of femara and see what we get. So....jcr, I am on cd 1. Tracy....I think that is some of the same problem I experienced but my RE did not do anything but continue to shove it in. Did you get to see the replay? It is really neat to see what happens. d....I do not miss the shoveling. That is one thing I did not like about snow. When we were younger, we shoveled. now my mom has a snow blower for my brothers to help her. I believe Pittsburgh was missed in this dump. CC....how are you? I am sorry to hear about your dad and keep us posted on his situation. We will all say a prayer for you. check back later.....

Lynn- I did get to see the replay. It is always interesting to get an inside view of your own body. It was especially interesting since I had no idea how small and thin the fallopian tubes are. I didn't even know that your uterus is as small as it is. I figured since we bleed so much each month that it had to be bigger than that!!!! I'm just glad I am not all blocked up. Today is cd8 and nsd7. Yesterday I did not wear a patch at all and had some serious cravings about 6-7:00 pm for a cigarette. I did have one, but that was it. I put the patch on this morning realizing that I am not fully ready to be off of it yet. I am grateful that I truly did not want another one after that, and that I put the patch on again today. So, one smoke in a week is OK by me for now. Funny thing is, I was great all day until that craving hit me hard. I tried for an hour to fight it, but caved when I saw my husband was taking a nap. I knew I could be sneaky and get one of his. I wish he didn't smoke and I've told him this a million times, but for him it's all about personal responsibility.....I should be able to quit with or without him. Gonna go fold the laundry before it wrinkles. Be back later. Where the hell is everyone???????? I'm lonely!!!!!!!!

Tracy, so glad your tubes are open! Phew! That is a great relief, or at least it was to me. Just one less problem to have to worry about. I also didnt realize how small the tubes were. Our bodies are pretty amazing, even when they dont work the way we want them to! GREAT job on the n/s ! Only having one is a huge improvement so you are on the right track. Excellent news, and I am proud of you!! You are doing your body good woman! Lynn, sorry about AF. I am glad you arent giving up (neither is Lori, she just feels like it right now!). This month we will root for your left side. If this is your last cycle of femara, I hope this does it. Femara works, look at jcr! Glad you are keeping the hope alive. I too wanted to quit this month with everything going on, but realized it isnt going to happen unless I keep it going. There are times when you just want to throw in the towel, but you just cant. d, dont know about the spotting..It sounds to me like your cycles are changing a little, which can happen as you get older. If you continue spotting, I think its a sign of low something or other (anyone else know?) and you should have it checked out..Lori, how are you today? EMM ? Lulu ? Where are you girls hiding??!