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I truly do believe that I am learning a whole crapload more on these boards than anywhere else. Although my RE is great, he really is, but we are still in testing mode and I feel like I already know what the next steps are before he tells me. So a few questions... clomid... I believe will be the next step he suggests. Do I have to go on clomid to do IUI? It seems to me like the bazillion sperms that my DH sends my way don't seem to find their way to my egg. But, I don't know. So I was thinking that perhaps just IUI? Just wondering. I got pregnant immediately after the HSG xray so that cleared out the tubes. Do you think that they are all clogged up again? The xrays showed no blockages but obviously it did clear out some "debris". Anyway, those are my thoughts. You know what I am freaked out about most is that I am ovulating and I go on clomid and then I get more eggs, then do IUI and get lots of babies. I know that multiples (more than 2) are very rare but it can happen right? Is that just a risk I take?

Hi ladies, because I'm on a break of sorts, I've been spending less time on these boards. I think I'm caught up now though. Stacie thanks for the encouraging thought about my break etc. Aside from taking folic acid daily, and making sure to bd around O, I'm doing very little thinking about ttc. I think part of me has recognized that it's really not likely to happen without ivf, and somehow that's almost a relief. Make sense? I should think I'll hear about an ivf consultation within a month or two. Dana, I'm so sorry for your losses, sounds like you're coping really well, good for you. I agree with meme..I know a woman who had 2 mc's and then they put her on baby aspirin as well as progesterone (during the luteal), and she managed to hang on the her 3rd pg, and has a beautiful daughter. Personally, I don't know that I think you need to do Clomid. If you've managed to get pg 2x on your own in 12 months, you likely don't need it. For me, I didn't like being on Clomid and the emotional and physical symptoms it created, so I wouldn't go on it again, unless it was necessary. Go with your intuition, and good luck! Tracy, so glad to hear everything is going well with the baby. I know that I would feel nervous to, but as you get further into your pregnancy, you're bound to feel more secure and enjoy. meme, thanks for the info on why you're getting the lap done. I have no symptoms of any kind, and that's why I've never had a lap..but, I always wonder if maybe there IS something wrong in there. My obgyn and the fs both told me that there was no reason to think I needed one, so I didn't (besides, not to scare you, but another girl I know had one, and it really is like a real surgery that you have take a week or so to recover from, I don't want to go through that unless a dr. says I should..y'know? ..okay, so I'm just chicken! :)) Anyway, I hope it goes well..when is yours scheduled for? Georgia, I don't think follicle size really matters all that much, if it's the right egg and the right sperm, it'll work..good luck! Well, I hope I covered everthing. Nothing to report for me, I'm somewhere around 9 dpo..no symptoms, and I'm thinking very little about ttc..it's nice! Baby dust to all....

Question for Tracy88... did you do clomid and IUI? Could you give a quick synopsis of your procedures? Sorry to make you repeat yourself. ... Dana

Hi Dana, I'm sorry for your losses. I'm on Clomid at present although I ovulate regularly. Rachel, is/was your iui today? I think I love your dr for being so receptive to your suggestions about injectables. $200. eek. Injectables are so expensive but I'm hoping against hope that the dr will ok my injectables suggestion . ;) My fingers are crossed that your follies are a nice size and that everything is perfectly timed. Stacie & Rachel, was it hard to give yourself shots or did dh do it for you? Did you use needles or those injectable pen things? Stacie, I was in caffeinated bliss for one day. It felt so good. I was too paranoid to go beyond that although it probably would've been ok. I have to find some substitute for my morning pick-me-up mug of tea. Laurie, how did your Thurs appt. go? Building a house, wow. Your dh gets points for thinking ahead, but Lordy, with the price of injectables (I KNOW, how many times can I write injectable in one post?) etc. I'd be worried that the costs of getting pregnant might begin to be perceived as more of a burden than they are now. Can he do other important things short of applying for a loan like research places that are making construction loans for the best terms, research house plans, or scout land that he'd like to build on? Dana, I know Tracy will be around to answer your Qs, but I believe she eventually became pregnant on a cycle of injectables and iui.

Hi ladies - 2nd IUI this morning. I'm not as excited as I was with the first one. I guess one failure and my expectations have dropped. Natasha - I know exactly how you feel. We spent $1K again this month and I think this will be out last IUI. I agree, that my best bet would be IVF but we just can't afford that without insurance. After almost 3 years of ttc I may be just done. Trying to stay positive every month is just impossible. DH had 90,000,000 spermies and I had two decent follices so maybe this could be our month, however, our track record has not been so great. In order to stay sane (and happy) I have to start accepting this just may not be for me. To add insult to injury dh just is not comfortable with adoption so I guess that decision is made. It's such a shame since I was adopted and I have such a great relationship with my family - couldn't imagine anyone else as my parents. Constance, yes dh does the shots. My re was hesitant to give us the extra hormones, but being from NJ I can be pretty hard to say no to :). The shots are super easy and not really painful - it's just weird to be getting a shot in the kitchen of my house. We also order our injectables from fertility friend pharmacy - they seem just a little less expensive there. Anyway, it sounds like I'm on my own for the 2ww - wish me luck...Oh yeah, forgot to mention - one of my best friends told me her sister found out she was pregnant with identical triplets and (naturally) with two children already decided to terminate the pregnancy - someone please tell me what is wrong with the world!! Baby dust and a happy holiday!

Georgia, I hear ya about wondering how long to keep trying.. Also, I can't believe that woman you were mentioning! Getting pregnant naturally with triplets is amazing and I was really sad to read that she's terminating the pregnancy. Ugh..I suspect she's not someone who ever had fertility issues. Not that I should judge her decision, but it's hard to read from our end of things. Good luck with the 2ww! Constance and dana, sorry I forgot to ask about you in my last post. Constance, how many months have you been on Clomid? How's it going? Do you feel emotional or hot flashes or bloated etc? Dana, I understand your concerns about multiples on Clomid, but from my perspective, if I got pg with twins/triplets, it would've been meant to be so (and really scary too!). Just as (for whatever reason, I don't know) I haven't managed to get pregnant yet. Could be I'm not meant to be a mom, or maybe the right time hasn't come yet. Time will tell for us all....

Georgia, that's terrible about that mom. Everyone's entitled to their choices, and with 2 children I certainly understand, but things seem just a wittle unfair. Last time I was at my REs a woman was there with her toddler and infant. I was sorta peeved as if her wanting three kids was going to effect me getting one, like there was a finite number of kids out there. Sometimes I just have to get a grip. Yesterday someone brought their infant to work and I just stayed in my office even though I was thirsty and wanted some water. I'm turning into a crazy person. Natasha, I've been on Clomid for 3 cycles but am sitting this one out. I have enough Clomid on hand for another cycle and it makes more financial sense to use it up in Dec rather than move onto something else, but I'm just running out of internal peace on this subject and want to be pregnant now. My fingers and toes are crossed Georgia and anyone else in the tww.

Natasha - It's ironic - before we "really" started trying I swore I was going to just relax and see what would happen - accept my fate and all. Of course, I've done the exact opposite. I attribute my urgency to being 36. The older I get the more concerned I get about pregnancy complications. I know I sould like a worry-wort but I guess that comes with the territory. BTW odds of three identical twins are 1 in 80,000 - I try not to judge, but wow - how does a mother do that? I guess I'm judging :) I would love twins - not that I could handle it or afford it, but it would save me from thinking about the fertility clinic again. Constance, I know - yesterday in the clinic waiting room two women had children with them - I was unjustly pissed. I work so hard on not being envious, but when I hear things like terminating triplets... I'm afraid this process has really affected me. I'm just not someone who gives up, however, I need to realize that this may just be out of my control! When I get down, I go back through the tread and re-read Tracy's e-mails - it was so exciting to hear her good news and it reminds me that this can work for us. Happy Thanksgiving all!

The ongoing saga that is me.... Saw the RE yesterday. I was already close to tears by the time I got there. He got some results from my last blood tests and said that they were a bit inconclusive and he really wants to do them again. Something with my thyroid etc., but it was so marginal that he couldn't make a judgment about treatment without another test. Then I said something about the fact that I was taking low dose aspirin and he wanted to know why I was doing that and why I didn't tell him when he asked what medications I was taking. I didn't tell him that because I wasn't taking them when I first saw him and he asked me what I was taking... at that time I was only taking pre-natal vitamins. I started taking the low dose aspirin after the miscarriages and he didn't ask me the next time I saw him and I was so flustered that I of course didn't remember to tell him. He said that there is nothing wrong with taking them, but then definitely these last blood tests are inconclusive. So I have to stop taking it, go get this blood work done again in 4 days, along with a chromosone work up (me and DH) and then go back and see him. I started to cry and I couldn't stop. I was just so frustrated and at the end of the emotional thread that I have been hanging on to for sooooo long. I said that I feel like we have more of a problem getting pregnant than we do with miscarriages and he just said that I don't have a fertility problem. I've been pregnant. But I've been not pregnant WAY MORE than I have been pregnant. I felt so discounted. My husband sees things very differently and sees everything positively and that we did get pregnant and we WILL get pregnant again... meanwhile, my 36 year old body is getting older, the eggs are getting older and I feel like no-one gets it. How does one go about getting a positive attitude and that whatever happens, happens. I just can't do it. I can't make myself feel that if we can't have kids it'll be ok. Sorry. I'm a downer. And this has turned into a little novel hasn't it?

Dana, I have been where you are and I know how dark it can seem. No light at the end of the tunnel. One minute I would be optimistic and the next, I would be at the end of my rope. I remember being told we needed to do a certain test but the only opening they had was a month down the road. That happened to me like two or three times. A month, or even a day, is like a lifetime to us, but to them life just goes on as normal. I've cried several times in front of my doctor too. I have to say that your doc seems like he/she is on the right track and seems thorough. Whatever it is that they are looking for, they will find and you will get PG. I had to really grasp that things were not going to work according to my timeline though. This is something that we have some control over, but not total control. Realizing that we lack some control is an important step, but taking control and doing all you can with the rest is important for our sanity. I knew I couldn't live my life happily without ever having been a mother. I wasn't even going to pretend I could be happy and ok with that outcome. Have faith in your doctor and know that your day will come. Technology is so advanced that it's actually rare if someone just can't get PG. My mother in law loves to come with me to ultrasounds because over 30 years ago when she had her kids, they did not get ultrasounds. The technology is amazing to her. There was also a point at which she could no longer get PG, so that's where it was left and she had to adopt both of her sons. Today I'll bet they would have figured out what was impeding her fertility and fixed it. The waiting for your turn at motherhood sucks hardcore, but have faith that the universe will provide for you what you deserve. Do what Georgiatoo does, go back and read my posts! At the beginning of this thread I had my very first IUI's done and was optimistic, but as my two week wait went on I became depressed and even despondent. I was numb but in so much emotional pain inside, and look at the gift I received at the end of that torturous, dark tunnel. Georgiatoo, thanks for making me feel like I somehow make a difference. That's my point in sharing my story to this day......I want to help and offer hope. I have not used birth control since I was about 27, so for the last ten years I have not even accidentally become pregnant. There is hope.

Natasha ... Laurie : ) Just dropping to say hello. How are the both of you? Hi Tracy, haven't seen you over the other thread lately. Hope all is well with you : ) Baby dust to all on this thread : )

Hi ladies, Dana, I'm sorry to read that you're in a rough patch, but we can certainly all relate to your feelings, and it's perfectly normal to feel upset and frustrated. Believe me, I've been there. There were times that I felt sure I needed a shrink and felt like I was sinking into a depression. I too started out the ttc journey thinking that I'd get pg if God wanted me to, and I'd be okay either way. Boy did that change over time! Hi Sann, how's things with you? I've been okay, I'm still not doing much focusing on ttc. Some part of me (though not all) has come to accept that it seems I can't get pg without ivf, so that takes some pressure off, I think. However, I have a story to share: I have a coworker who goes to the same fertility clinic as me. We have 2 diff. dr's. I saw mine in Aug. and he said he'd put dh & I on the list to start the process for ivf, and as you all may recall, I've been waiting to hear about a consultation. My coworker went to see her dr. about a month and half after me (mid-sept) to get on the list too. She's been asking me now and then if I've heard about my consultation (obviously I'd get the call before her, right?) and I haven't heard anything. WELL! This past week she tells me that they called HER! She got a call saying her ivf info 'package' is in the mail etc. I was FURIOUS! How is it that SHE got a call first when I got on the list 1 1/2 months before her?! I phoned the dr.'s right away and left a msg saying how upset I was etc. (you can't speak to a person it's so busy, and that's really annoying). Anyway, I get a msg. on my machine that night at home from a nurse saying that she's so sorry, and that she always asks my dr. to send in his info etc. etc. and sometimes he just doesn't do it. Grrrrr...!!! What's even more frustrating is that this in the only fertility clinic in my city, so I HAVE to deal with these people. Anyway, on the msg, she gave me my dr's email address. So! I decide I'm going to email him and give him sh-t. I'm halfway through typing my email when it dawns on me...they didn't send in the paperwork for us because they didn't have it all! In that Aug appt, the dr. gave dh and I bloodwork sheets to go get checked for HIV (standard test before applying for ivf apparently)...I went right away and had it done, but guess who waited a month or two before doing so?? My dh! So, I called dh and said that it was all his fault that he waited so long to get bw done that now we're further down the list. He remembered that he didn't go until mid-Oct some time. He was very apologetic and feels really badly, he didn't think it would hold us up. Needless to say, I didn't send my angry email to my dr. I have to admit, it really isn't all dh's fault though. I should've been smart enough to realize that of course they won't start the process without dh's info! Deep sigh.... Aaanyway, hopefully I've helped one of you on your ttc journey by sharing this story. I'm on cd 4 today, and had some beer and fun times at a hockey game last night. It's interesting, because (as some of you may recall) when my best friend got pg last year, and I had to deal with that and seeing her all the time, and being supportive of her etc. etc., it was SO upsetting and difficult because I was so incredibly jealous. Now that she has the baby (she's 37), she's enjoying the baby, but has also made it pretty obvious to me that she's very jealous of all the travelling, independence and fun I can still have. When she heard about our fun time last night, and our recent shopping trip to the U.S., I could just tell how upset she is. She's home alone all day, with no one to talk to, and she wasn't even sure she wanted to get pg (took a year to get pg). It's not that I want her to be unhappy, I don't - I just have to remember that there are joys to be had in life without a baby, and for now..I have to focus on those. I've been on the awful emotional ttc rollercoaster for almost 3 years now, and being upset as hell every month hasn't helped to get my bfp. So, I'll wait for an ivf consult, and that's all I can do right now. Anyway, sorry for the long post..I hope everyone is well! N.

Yikes, that really was long..sorry! I was thinking it might be time for a new thread, this one's quite long (no thanks to novel's like mine! :)). I'm going to open a new one called "TTC #1 and over 34 - part 3". See you all there!