starting again - looking for ttc friends
15 Replies
julie2007 - March 30

hi - i got pg around christmas - and had a miscarriage in early march - my heart is so broken - i am so totally torn up over this and dh has shut down on the m/c --- TTC talk. i assume it is his way of grieving our loss. however, i am looking to this forum to find people going thru / gone thru similar situations for support or to learn from. instead i am finding a lot of well established groups - or people who are already pregnant and not where i am. i want to be pregnant - i want a baby to love and nurture. i am blessed with a little girl 1 1/2 and tried for a year after her to have a 2nd one - i got pg just before i took the clomid (it's still on my dresser) and now i have to wait for AF after my d&c - and the doc said i should wait for 2 more cycles after that to try again. if anyone is in a similar place - or has been there - pls join in and let me know your thoughts. i am just not sure who to talk to about this --- so i turn to you.


Dawnn - March 30

Hi Julie: I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I know where you are coming from as I too had 2 miscarriages (18 and 14 weeks). It is so very devestating, I honestly didn't know if I could or would make it through, but you do make it and you will go on!! Even now since my last miscarriage, October 2005 - if i even think about it my eyes still get hot and red and I am ready to cry. The one thing that really helped me to hang on to was the thought that I will get pregnant again. It's been awhile now and I tried clomid for a couple of cyles but the side effects (Moodiness) were too much for me and my poor fiance to handle LOL. I am now going to try Femara and have heard good things about it - less side effects. You are right about your husband - he is shutting down as you say to protect himself - even though men sometimes act like they don't feel emotions the way we do - they still do. And they do not want to look weak - so this is his way of dealing with it. I too had to wait for AF after my last miscarriage and it took me 65 days before she showed. You have to stay positive (of course you can still grieve and you should grieve - it's so very hard to deal with - but as I said you will get through this - believe me if I got through it anyone can. As I said I was VERY distraught and didn't know how to go on but you will!! I will be thinking about you and sending you happy thoughts. Take care of yourself. Try and talk to hubby and tell him how you feel - communication is the only way to go!


kms1 - March 30

Hi Julie - I am sorry for your loss. I have found that I feel "left out" of some of the threads on here as well. I had a miscarriage 25 days ago and have a million questions, when will AF come? My OB says every woman is different - and I understand that - but there must be some sort of guideline. I was told I have to wait 3 cycles before TTC, but have read that you are most fertile for the 3 cycles after the M/C - so do I have to wait -? (I am 38 and had a D&C due to a missed miscarriage - and just want a baby so badly! - We were TTC for 11 mos when we got PG -- and I lost the baby at 10w 2 d - and measured about 8w) -- I hope this is some info that you can relate to - and that some of us can join together to lean on and learn from! I WILL check back here. ~ K


julie2007 - March 30

hi dawnn and k -- thanks for your kind words. i hope af comes sooner rather than later - can anyone believe i WANT AF>>!?! after so many months of wanting it not to be there..... K: sounds like we have a lot in common - i have a ton of questions - i want to try for another baby - and i really want a healthy pregnancy - but the waiting is so hard. it seems like the 2WW is nothing compared to waiting for AF to show up whenever she wants (after m/c) and then 2 - 3 cycles after that before i can try. i just got a phone call in the middle of this note and i got the chromosone testing back - and the sex of my baby - so i have to go.


lindsie - March 31

Hi, Julie, Dawn and Kms. I am sorry to hear of your losses. Julie I am in a very similar situation as yours. I also got pregnant this last Dec. I lost mine a lot earlier, though. I was only 5.5 weeks. Even though it was early it hurt so much, mainly because it took us about 15 months to get pg in the first place. It just really sucks to have to start all over again. My first af showed 7 weeks to the day after my m/c (natural, no d&c). I had been using Clomid before and used it again this first cycle. I'm 11dpo and I'm pretty sure it didn't happen. For some reason, this cycle I O'd unusually late and I think our timing was off. So, I will take clomid again. This time I will use OPKs and try to time it better. As for waiting to ttc again, my doc said its best to wait 1 cycle but didn't have a problem with it after that (of course, my m/c was early, so not sure if that has anything to do with it). I would love to have some cycle buddies to go through this with. Julie and Kms, I hope your af shows soon. Do either of you temp chart? Dawn, when do you start the Femara?


julie2007 - March 31

hi ladies - welcome lindsie - i am sorry for your loss. no matter how far along - it is still a little life that was lost and the mother who was carrying it feels that pain most. i got a preliminary HcG level back yesterday - they said it was about 134 - so i guess that means we are on the decline back to zero - i do not know if it means when it gets to zero i will get my AF - or if it will be 4 weeks from that point - or what. lindsie you got it 7 weeks to the day huh - i am 3 weeks out now. i am hoping to haev it back by middle april - but we will have to see ----- this wait seems so much harder than the 2ww --- atleast with that you know it will be +/- TWO weeks - not 4 or 7 or 9. i have read on here a lady who has waited 87 days so far and no AF. and her doc is hesitant to give something to start it. i pray i don't wait that long. dawnn - when do you start femera? have you read up on it? i have the clomid ready for AF#2 - they want me to do this 1st one on my own. should i use and OPK during this 1st AF? since i can't try yet i wasn't sure if i should bother. i think i should learn how to temp - i have to get a special thermometer right? any suggestions? KMS - looks like we are in the whenever the heck AF wants to show up wait together -- i hope it happens soon. if you are about 27 days out now - it COULD happen anytime for you right? my OB said 4 - 6 weeks is perfectly normal. try to think POSITIVE ladies - it will happen for all of us. have a good weekend - and i hope to hear from you all --- i think we are building a good thread! and to any newcomers reading but not sure if you should join in - please do!


kms1 - March 31

Hi girls - welcome Lindsie. I am feeling pretty down today - my 1 friend from college just called, out of the blue - and she is due 2 days before I would have been, with her 3rd and unexpected pergnancy. It has been 6+ months since we last talked and she had no idea. I am going to go read a book and try to pick up my spirits. I wihs you all a good weekend.


utopia8302 - April 1

hi ladies. i was wondering if i could join? if you dont mind? i too am in a similar situation, and feel so much better knowing that you guys know what i am going through! dh and i have been married for 4 1/2 years now. we have one beautiful daughter who is 2, and we had NO trouble conceiving her! now, we've been trying for 15 months. i was on clomid in nov on 50mg, then dec on 100mg. we found out xmas eve we were pregnant. then, at 10 weeks, i had a miscarriage. the baby passed at 8 weeks, but my body had no signs of it until 2 weeks later. we were scheduled for a d/c, but i went on my own that night. it was a traumatic m/c (as im sure every m/c is) but we passed clots the size of bricks, and then the baby finally came out. sorry if this is too much info, but he came out in the sac, wtih all the amniotic fluid and all. everything was in tact and looked beautiful. it was a blessing that we were able to see him, even if it was at least once. that was Jan 29th. i called my ob to prescribe clomid again for me, he said not for another 3 months. i wasnt given a reason for the wait, and still not sure?? so, i had ONE month supply left of clomid 100mg (since i was preg, i didnt need it then) so i used it this month without him knowing. i am on cd19 now, and i cant help but think that i am pregnant. i know its too early to know, and even for signs. but i am drinking a gallon of water a day, sometimes more. i was like this last time i was pregnant. but, i guess we wont know for another week and a half or so. hang in there girls....and im glad that this thread was made! so thank you!


utopia8302 - April 1

by the way, i got my af 6 weeks after the m/c.


wantanotheraftertr - April 1

Julie I have chatted with you on the 35 and pregnant. I can try now but would love some company. It is very hard and alot of women have not had this experience. I was only 6 weeks when I lost mine but have been soooo devestated just the same! I find it hard to bd right now but since I want a baby sooo bad I am doing what I need to. I have 3 kids now my oldest will be 18 on the 16th of April and my 2 daughters will be 16 and 13. I am not looking forward to being an empty nester and quite frankly the thought of it scares me soo that is why dh and I decided to have more I had a tr in Oct 06 and lost my 1st baby ever on March 12th I was not able to take clomid this cycle as they found a cyst when I had an u/s to make sure it was not eptopic. As I was having pain (now I know why) I did not have an eptopic and have no idea why I lost my baby but if I did not get pg in the last 2 days then i will take clomid next cycle which is what got me pg the last time anyway I hope we heal well and can move on soon to have happy healthy babies! Quite honestly I am a little afraid of my next BFP! bfp Prayers in our furture! Pam


julie2007 - April 1

hi and welcome utopia and wantanother -- utopia i remember reading some of your posts on another thread when i was TTC back in dec/jan....and wantanother - thanks for the note on the other thread. i am so glad to have you guys here so we can support each other thru these waits - i have pretty much accepted the fact that it will be around 6 weeks before AF visits -- and could be longer. it is just going to be a LONG wait. my OB will beb ack on mon / tues and i am going to ask about the clomid i have here at home and if i should take it. i think she will say i have to wait since i have not had any cycles since d&c -- and i guess it is best not to waste it.......... i had to go to a bday party tonight - and it was so hard 3 of my friends there were pg -- and everyone was just starting to show - so i felt so left out - and i just wanted to run when they all started talking about it. but instead i sat in my chair quietly - and sipped the 1st glass of wine i have had in over 2 years. (i was pg or breastfeeding for the past 2 yrs) it was tough. so --- i am glad to have you guys here to lean on and to lean on me when you want to -- before too long it WILL be us sitting around with bellies talking about how we don't fit in our regular clothes -- i just know it! think positive ladies! goodnite!


julie2007 - April 1

ih - and utopia - your story sounds so touching! how difficult it must have been to see your baby (did you know it was a boy ahead of time?) i sometimes feel guilty that i didn't get to see this little girl - it's all so sad! trying to look forward --- this month - did you use the opk>? did you O? fingers will be crossed for you!!!! KMS it' perfectly ok to feel down ---- it is all part of the process (so they keep telling me) -- good for you take some time and read or walk - or maybe go to a movie. or if it makes you feel better - vent here with all of us! we will always listen!


utopia8302 - April 1

hi julie. thanks again for making this thread. how old is your little girl, 2? mine was born april 21, 2005. i just feel so bad she doesn't have a sibling yet. our family just doesnt feel right not having more children. although we could not see the genitalia of our baby, we know in our hearts it was a boy. i had dreams when i was pregnant with Livi ( even before i knew i was pregnant) that i was having a little girl. i saw her in my dreams, and she looks identical to her now!!!!! anyways, i knew it was a boy, and we even named him. that too helped us. so that way we can call him by a name, and he's still part of our family. there's also a website called that really helped us also because you can post a little "memorial" for your baby, not matter how far along you were. and no, i didnt use any opks this time around because i never received a +opk. so to me, they're a waste of $. i am pretty sure i ovulated already. I am drinking almost a gallon of water a day now, and the only other time i have felt like i do now, is when i was pregnant. so, im keeping my fingers crossed! sdf today is cd20, so maybe in a week i can start testing! does anyone know why obs say to wait 3 months after a m/c to ttc again???? and is it true you're most fertile after a m/c?? if so, at least i have something going for me! keep in touch girls!!!!!!!


utopia8302 - April 2

hey girls-i received my BFP++++++
I am only cd21! so then i got blood work done the same day, and its at 2,429!!!!! it should only be 100-500!!!!!!!!!!!!


julie2007 - April 2

hi utopia - OMG!!! what a difference a day makes - i didn't check in yestereday and today - you are PG! congrats!!! CD21 - wow -how did you get a +hpt already? do you O really early? keep us posted. my dd is july 2005 -- and i hope to be pg before her 2nd bday. thank you for the wesite info on your apr 1 post - i will definitely check it out. i ran into my 1st friend yesterday at home depot (random - i know) and she is VERY pg - due in june --- i was shocked to see her (especially pg) --- she has 1 dd and didn't want another but this one was a surprise - so she told me -- i ached so much inside - i ended up sharing my sad news - and she was light about it - said oh -- you'll be pg again quickly. ---- i wish i could be light about it - i am sad today. i am going to go buy a frame to put the baby's last live u/s pic in --- i think that may make me feel a little better. . . . dawnn -- kms - lindsie - where are you guys? did you have a good weekend? congrats again utopia - send some positive baby thoughts my way!


Dawnn - April 3

Hi Ladies: I haven't been here for a couple of days as whenever I get a negative pregnancy test I kind of stop reading here. I'm waiting for AF to show and it's so darn depressing. I'm trying to keep my spirits up. Julie I am starting Femara this cycle as soon as AF shows days 3-7. I did read up on Femara and my RE office told me that Femara has a bad rap about it causing deformities etc. My RE made me sign a waiver that they had informed me of the possible complications ( but this is ONLY if you take femara WHILE you are pregnant - not if you take it before you become pregnant.) Utopia sounds like we went through the same experiences with our miscarriages. My first one I "laboured" at home (Excrutiating pain - even with Toradol) and ended up going to the hospital as the pain was so bad. I passed the baby there and as I felt it come out I sat up and looked - it's so sad a perfectly looking formed baby - just very purple looking. I couldn't see the genitals to tell if it was a boy or girl and to be honest didn't have the heart too look. I was kind of glad to be honest that at least God let me see my baby before it went back to the lord. I ended up having a D&C with both miscarriages as my body refused both times to release the placenta - it was awful the baby's cord was hanging out but the placenta would not let go of the uterine wall. I sometimes wonder if I should have just had a D&C when I found out the pregnancies were no longer viable - but I felt that it would feel like I had never been pregnant once the procedure was done. I wanted to see this little person who was not meant to stay with us. It was an unbelievably overly emotional situation, one that still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it. Sorry if there was too much information there - but I guess it helps to talk about it with other women who have gone through this ordeal as well. We'll this will be my third month temping with fertility and it looks like my temperature nose dived this morning so AF should be here either today or tomorrow - oh well!! Back to the drawing board and starting Femara - Baby dust to us all. Dawn



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