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Hey, that is really nice for you to say that to me. I appreciate that a lot. You must be a very kind hearted woman to recognize my pain. Thanks so much. Yes, I did have a m/c, really a sad and lonely experience to go through, but it hasn't wrecked me. I do have to admit that with the m/c, I can foresee it taking away from the whole innocence of "being preggers" if it happens again to me..like I am forever going to be paranoid in my next pregnancy if it happens again...ya know? But that will be an issue I deal with when it comes I guess. Right now, I'm just in standstill mode, not doing anything, layzing around and not feeling guilty one bit! I just like reading about all the other women on this forum who overcame their issues and got their miracles so far this year...are you one yet??? How are things with you?

linds, I have been wanting to tell you that I, too, am sorry for your loss. I didn't know until a week or so ago and I've been thinking of you a lot lately. I was a little afraid to bug you on the loss board though. I know we don't know each other personally, but I feel very close to you since we've shared so much and our dates were so close together. Words are not much consolation I'm sure, but I know that I am here for you if you need anything. I'm sending big hugs your way!

Thanks ginger. I hope your pregnancy is going well! I think you're around 12 weeks now right? I have to admit, it's hard to think about that number and think about where I'm at now (waiting to see zero on my final HCG blood test on Wednesday). I plan on starting again maybe April. I don't know yet though. I think its healthy to grieve a bit then to jump right in, get my mind in a better place ya know? Let me know how things are going with you...have you found out the sex yet?

Linds, I am 12 weeks, and though I had a few spotting scares early on things have been going really well. I don't take anything for granted these days esp. knowing all the trials that some of us women have gone through and are currently going through. My doctor is monitoring me very closely based on my issues and I have an u/s every two weeks---it sure puts my mind at ease. I don't know the sex yet. I think that comes at 16 weeks or so. I am glad you are taking some time for yourself before trying again. BTW, are you on the shared risk program...I can't seem to recall?

Hi Linds - You are so strong to be able to find positive in the loss that you have experienced. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. This is not an easy raod to be traveling down. Getting pg is something so many of us NEVER imagined we'd have a problem with. I mean having a baby was supposed to come easy. At least that's what I thought for years and years and then BAM! Infertility hits you square in the face. It's quite a wake up call. I am 32 (soon to be 33) and DH is 33 (soon to be 34). We have been trying for a year and went to a RE back in Oct. I have tried 2 cycles on Clomid and two cycles on Femara with the trigger shot. Finally in December we decided to go the surgical route and I had laproscopy last month. THey cleaned out alot of endo, did a D&C and also discovered I had endo pulling down my right ovary. That was done last month. I am hoping to be fertile now and back on Femara. Everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE, of my friends has kids. Not one but now everyone is starting on their second child. It's incredibly lonely and I do feel hurt that I can't even produce one. I've lost a friend or two over the issue because once they have these babies they are never the same. I just can't relate to anything they are going through and they have no clue what dealing with infertility is like. At any rate I find support here and inspiration through women like yourself to continue my trek towards motherhood. I have to believe....I just have to believe that one day I'll be a mom too. My prayers are with you and please keep me posted on how you are. (((hugs))))

Gosh Lucky717, you've been through a lot the last few months too. I bet all you needed was a bit of spring cleaning in there and your problems are solved now. I think it is better to ttc just right after a cleaning like that, as the endo takes a while to return (if it does) isn't that true? I hope that it rapidly happens for you this time, you've been through enough medicated rounds already! It's enough already, right? I know what you are saying about losing friends over this. I think I lost a sister over this. Someone on this board told me about how "hard it was for a woman to over extend themselves" to another woman if they don't understand what you are going through (infertility/mc). I don't know if I buy that. I still find that it's easier to give someone in pain a bit of support, kind words, compassion, then to shut a blind eye to them and "mysteriously forget their feelings." Maybe I am an alien, but I can't understand why its so hard to be considerate? I think that is all we ask for from the people around us right? Just being considerate of our feelings and sensitive? We don't ask them to "understand what we are going through..." and don't expect that. So, if you have "inconsiderate" friends, I can see why you would "lose" them when they don't know how to be compassionate for you. How can they possibly expect you to be "happy" for them? Again, thanks so much for your support and words, you so made my day. I wish you luck this cycle? Where are you at btw.... :)

Hi ginger, so only one more month till you can finally know whether to buy pink or blue blankets :) Glad to hear things are progressing now for you...keep me posted on how things are going, I love to hear about it! BTW, no, I didn't participate in the shared risk program. My dh and I luckily have good insurance in place, as everything has been covered. I think the only thing I had to pay was $110 for meds and $20 co pay for the IVF. Sooo, yes, I am sooo grateful for this break at least. But I only have 3 more IVF cycles that remain covered if I need them, so who knows...

Hi Linds - Yeah I guess when I look at it all typed out on this board It really does seem like I've been through a lot. Here's to spring cleaning!!! I hope that is what was needed. I swear I feel like the last person on the earth to get pg.....well....at least when I'm not logged on to this site. =) I am trying to stay positive for this cycle. My hope is that it will happen for us and I can be done with ttc. Good luck with your next IVF round. That is great that you have other rounds. Isn't that called shared risk? I lost my very best friend through all of this. It's a long and drawn out story but she just couldn't be there for me the way I needed her to be and then she ends up getting pg with very little effort. I am a better person for getting through the break up of the friendship. But it felt like a death at first. I cried and cried and cried and then cried some more when her child was born last October. Funny how a birth can be a bittersweet event. Well I hope you are well tonight. I live in NC where do you live? Take Care!

Hi Lucky, I'm from Chicago...I hope your cycle also is a positive one...what CD are you on? When are you testing? And yes, we are totally the last ones on earth to be pregnant :) !! It is terribly annoying, I can't even begin to lament about it. As for the shared risk question, actually, if you have insurance coverage, you don't need to participate in the shared risk program, which is designed for people without insurance coverage for IVF. Those women, I beleive have to pay a little higher amount the first IVF cycle, (my friend had to pay $10,000 and $5,000 for meds, ultrasounds, etc. plus another $5,000 for the shared risk and if the cycle fails, then you only have to pay $5,000 for the next cycle. I hope I got it right from what she told me.) Anyway, I hear you about the "bittersweet" of losing a friend and missing out on the birth of her child. I'm sure she will feel it too when you get preggers and give birth without her presence in your life. Its really sad that your friendship with her didn't survive this hardship. But when you examine the importance of friends and validity of them, they are supposed to be unconditional, supportive and understanding. If they lack those qualities, then they can't be a friend. Or at leas the kind of friend we really need to get us through this storm. Friends are few and far between in most lives. JFK once said that you will be lucky to be able to count the real friends you have in your life on one hand. That is how hard they are to find. Sooo, feel sad about the loss of a friendship, but look forward to getting on with your life with a child in your future...after all, that is wayyyy more important than thinking about what really wasn't real, the friendship you had.

Linds99- It's so good to hear from you. I am so sorry about your loss. I know that God is going to bless you!!!

Thanks MsMonet...so sweet. I hope you are right. How are things with you? Are you preggers yet???

No, not yet. I am going to go to a infertility doctor on Monday to get exams etc to find out what is wrong with me. Lately, I have been feeling something inside of me. I hope my fibroids haven't returned or scar tissue...

Hi Linds - I couldn't agree with you more on the friendship stuff. I am moving forward to searching for other connections with people. DH & I are in the process of joining a great church that has been amazing to me through all this. Before my surgery the priest came to pray with me and brought me a prayer shawl! I had never heard of this. It's a beautiful multi-colored shawl that he said to wrap around me in recovery because it was the love and prayers of the church that would be with me. Beautiful. Then dinner was dropped by for DH & I and they also sent flowers that were used in that Sunday's service. I felt so blessed. I am on CD 13. Here's the kicker. I have to leave town tonight to be with my grandmother who is having extensive surgery and may not make it. I will be back on Sat. So to cover our bases we BD'd last night and the night before. Then we'll BD when I get back on Sat. Who knows when the egg will drop. I can't stress out about it. I have to be there with my family that's way more important at this point. Anyway I hope you are continuing to feel better. Are you looking at doing another round of IVF this April? Take care!!!

That prayer shawl gesture is sooo nice, what a beautiful ritual you particpated in. Despite you going away, it sound like you guys got all your bases covered in terms of BDing. I hope that prayer shawl brought good energy into your lives and blessed you with faith that your child is on his/or her way :) ... and that your grandmother is protected during her surgery and pulls through quickly. It's so rough to have those we love so much be sick and in the hospital. I wish you the best this weekend. (BTW, ya, I may opt to do IVF in April time frame, we'll see though...) Good luck...

Hi Linds99 - That's great to hear that you are considering IVF in April. I am sending lots of good kharma your way!! My grandma pulled through surgery to all of our surprise. Yesterday was such a tough day as well all waited at the hospital for hours to get the news. I am so grateful that she is doing well. I drove back to NC last night because she was doing good and it was CD 14 for me. The things we do for a BFP! It wasn't that far since she lives in VA. I've been feeling lots of action in my ovaries. Hoping that this is it!!! Keep me posted on how you are. I will pray for you!!!!!