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STEP-i hope that this is the one that you were talking about. if not let me know.
A Mom Wannabe
I want to be a mom. But I can't. Instead, I'm a mom wannabe.
I want to procreate. I want to conceive a child naturally with my husband, in the privacy of our home, in the spirit of love and passion, in the way God intended. But I can't. Instead, a doctor, a laboratory and a test tube will try to assist God with our conception.
I want to discover that my period is several days late. I want to buy a pregnancy test and pee on a stick. I want to see the + sign. I want to cry tears of joy for the news we'd discovered. But I can't. Instead, I cry tears of pain at random, for no reason and with no warning.
I want to experience morning sickness. I want my hormones to go haywire. I want the "pregnant glow." I want to have my husband talk to my belly. But I can't. Instead, I try not to look pregnant. I don't buy clearance clothes for next year, "just in case." I try to keep my emotions from going haywire. I dream that my husband talks to my belly.
I want to take pre-natal vitamins. I want to eat for two. I want to schedule my first doctor's visit. I want to sit in the waiting room with other pregnant women and know that I am one of them. But I can't. Instead, I wonder if those pregnant women ever had problems conceiving. I think how cute they look as they waddle with their big bellies. I smile at babies that are not mine. I ache from loving someone I've never met.
I want to hear the Doctor say, "You're pregnant. Your progress is right on schedule." But I can't. Instead, I hear: "I am sorry," "Let's try one more cycle, technology is really improving."
I want to surprise my parents with a new grandchild. I want to tell my family and friends our good news. I want my life to change overnight. I want to read What to Expect When You're Expecting. But I can't. Instead, I have no news to tell. I realize my life hasn't changed in years. I read When Empty Arms Leave a Heavy Burden.
I want to monitor the progress. I want to see the ultrasounds. I want to hear the heartbeat. I want to watch our baby grow. I want to feel the kicks. But I can't. Instead, I take the injections. I give blood. I watch my eggs grow and pray they fertilize. My embryos are transferred, while my husband watches our conception from across the room. I wait. I pray. I wait for the one phone call that can make our life better. Or worse.
I want to decorate the nursery. I want to childproof our home. I want to shop for adorable, soft, tiny outfits. I want to shop at Gymboree. I want to save money for the baby's future. But I can't. Instead, I imagine a crib in the empty room down the hall. I avoid the baby stores in the mall. We spend our money on doctor appointments, tests and high tech procedures. We spend our money on a dream. We are left with an empty bank account. We are left with empty arms.
I want to share the experience with my pregnant friends. I want to compare symptoms. I want to be the guest of honor at a baby shower. But I can't. Instead, I watch my friends get pregnant quickly. I watch their bellies grow, attend their showers, see their pictures and try to be a good friend. I watch their lives change and our friendships change in front of my eyes.
I want my belly to drop. I want my water to break. I want contractions. I want an epidural. I want my husband by my side and my family in the waiting room. I want the pushing. I want the pain. I want to hear the cry. But I can't. Instead, I feel a different pain. I hear my own cry. Yes, I even hear the cry of my husband which hurts more than I had ever imagined.
I want to hold our baby in my arms, with tears of joy streaming down our faces. I want to experience the miracle of birth, thinking, "We did it!", but knowing that God did it. But I can't. Instead, I hold my husband in my arms with tears of sorrow streaming down our faces and wonder what God's plan is for us and why we have to go through this.
I want to pray that one extra special blessing be added to my life. And I do. I pray my 1000th unanswered prayer to God and hope that this time He answers. I pray for the miracle of life that only God can give. I pray that someday soon, He will give it to us.
I want to be a mom-but I can't. Instead, I am right where God wants me to be: thankful for our blessings, searching out His will, basking in His grace, trusting in His perfect plan, praying for a change in status.
From a mom wannabe, to the mom I want to be
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BLAIR-so glad that things are going well for you. wow 15 weeks already that is great.MELISSA- how r u doing? a/f showed for me sunday so i am one cycle closer to starting over again. OTILIA- good luck to you let us know what the beta says. i am praying for you. anything over 5 is considered to be a + so i would be excited if i were you. MELISSA- have fun in atlanta we will miss you too. dont forget about us..lol..take care all and good luck to all.
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hi you all hope you will get the good news soon...i am also trying for baby let see how long it will take in my case...
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slowpoke1 your post made me cry.....i have a special prayer for you in my heart.may god gives you what you have hoped and dreamed of and i hope it happens soon.it will happen for you when times comes honey dont feel like that i know ..i am trying for babay as well and have friends who are pregnant.....my cousin who just had babies...it a wounderfull experience.
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Yes Slowpoke, that was the poem I requested. Thank you! Sorry to hear about AF. I think she's on her way to visit me next. That sucks. I'll know for sure in another 3 or 4 days. Welcome emann! Baby dust to everyone. And belly rubs for those of you pg! We need another one this month! Who's it gonna be?
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Slow i love that poem its so true!! Its exactly what all of us are going through! Thanks for sharing! I'm leaving for Atlanta tonight - overpacked like always, haha! I had my baseline u/s this morning and start the lupron tonight - i should get AF sometime next week. I start my stims on the 25th along with all the other many meds! Welcome Emaan - tell us your story - how old you are, how long you have been ttc, etc.. Step are you going to the dr. to take a beta test?? Well i will try checking in later, if not i will post tomorrow! cant wait to see my new nephew!
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Hi Melissa. no, I'm not having a beta test done, in fact, I'm not really even sure what one is. I do have an appt next week, but it's just my regular monthly appt/follow up for the Clomid. If I do any testing, it'll be this weekend, so by my appt next wk I will know if I'm pg or not. Thinking I'm not though. Have a great trip!
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Step a beta test is where they check your blood for pregnancy! Anyways i will be wishing you lots of baby dust this weekend! Are you going to test on Saturday?? Stay positive!!! Thanks i will have a great trip - ready to go now :)
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hey girls. i found that poem on the net and i had to share it. i really liked it, it made me cry too. WELCOME to EMAAN. MELISSA-you be sure to hug that new nepphew for all of us too. STEP- i hope that a/f doesnt show for you this month. good luck all
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hey girls how are you all doing today? i will check back in later.
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Hi ladies! Happy FRIDAY! So, I'm 12DPO today and am determined to wait until at least Sunday morning to test if AF doesn't show by then. Still spotting and cramping off and on, my temps are also still high, but I don't have any sore boobs or anything like that, so it could go either way. I'm not sure what to think and I'm trying not to get too hopeful. Hey slowpoke, my DH just told me yesterday that we might be able to get a free horse through someone he works with. My first question was what was wrong with it, but supposedly there's nothing wrong. It's pretty old though, so that's my though... it's 18. Anyway, I doubt we'll take it as we don't have a place for it or anything else we'd need yet either. But we'll see. Maybe I'll at least take a peak at it. Well, I hope everyone has a wonderful Friday and that we have a BFP from at least one of us real soon! Otilia, did you get another test done yet? What's the word???
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thanks for the warm wellcome slowpoke1 and cmelissa.my story is .i am 27 and married and recently started trying for the baby.my prolectin is 90 so the doc said it has to be below20 to get preg .now i am on med parlodil.....let see what happens...i am also taking folic acid...while ago i have started evening primrose for pms...tell me if it is good if i am planning for baby or shall i stop.....belly rubs and baby dusts
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STEP-18 years old for a horse is not old if it is taken care of. i have seen horses live to their 30's if they are well taken care of. as a matter of fact we have a roping horse that is 18 and you would never know it. when you put a saddle on him he acts like a young horse in an arena. so that is great if nothing is wrong with it. just be sure that it has a coggins test and west nile vaccines and all other vaccinations and is wormed. good luck on the testing be sure to let us know. OTILIA-whats the word on your test? high numbers i hope.EMAAN-i dont know anything about primrose as i have never taken it. i know there are some on here that probably do and can tel you about it. i hope that you can get that prolactin down though. good luck to you.
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Hello ladies! I hope that everyone is having a good weekend! I did have another Beta done on Thursday. It had to be 36 or above and it was a 68, so that is great news. I am just so worried that we are going to lose this one too. They are giving me an ultrasound at 7 weeks to hopefully make me feel better.
Step - You are SO strong. I am a testaholic! Emaan - Welcome! Is increased Prolactin a sign of PCOS? Hi Melissa and Slowpoke!
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Otilia, that's SO awesome! I know you're scared, but try to think positive. It seems like at least three people I know who've recently lost their pregnancy ended up pregnant again within the next three months and that one stuck! Take care of yourself and keep us posted!! Thanks for the input Slowpoke, that's reassuring. I'll let you know if we even consider it. At this point I'd rather spend my money on a baby than a horse, but we'll see! Happy saturday everyone else!
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OTILIA-that is great news. i am praying for you. STEP-i understand what you mean. i would rather spend my money on a baby too. i have 6 horses but i am getting rid of a colt so that will be one less to feed. i have 1 due in feb and 1 due in april so i will probably sale both of those colts too when they are weening age. that way i wont have alot of mney tied up in them just mainly breeding fees and thats it since they will be nursing and when i ween them i wont have to feed them i will just take them to whoever buys them and let them feed them so i wont have too much in them. good luck to everyone.
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