Depressed & desperate, please help!!!
6 Replies
menalyn - May 6

I'm new to this, so please bear with me. I feel horrible and guilty for being so desperate for a baby when I already have a toddler, but I'm desperate for him to have a brother or sister. When he turned a year old, we started trying for baby #2, I conceived after 7 months, but lost the baby at 12 weeks, unexplained reasons. We tried again straight away, and again fell pregnant after 7 months, but found out the baby had a severe case of spina bifida and brain damage. What are you to do? So, my instincts as a mother came out and I decided I need to protect my baby anyway I could, and the only way was to set him free. So I did. It's now been 8 months. We haven't let this stop us from trying again because he'll always be in our hearts, and we will never forget him. But now, it's really getting me down that I haven't conceived again. My son is coming up to 3, and I am so grateful to have him, but as I grew up an only child, I'm desperate for him not to do the same! I'm due on tomorrow, but a had a tiny spot of bleeding today (only very tiny), and that's been it. No cramps yet, no nothing. I keep track of my cycle, and its every 30 days. I don't know what to think, or what to do. I just feel like crying all the time because i've got myself so worked up over having a baby, and because i'm still quite upset over losing the last one. Any advice would be most appreciated!!! Thank you!!!


Fally - May 6


Just read your e-mail you sound just like me!

My little girl is almost 4 and we have been trying for a year to have another - and absolutely nothing, I haven't fallen pregnant once.

It's just awful, I'm desperate for another - I can't imagine my little girl with no brothers or sisters!

I'm over 35 now and so aware that my fertitlity levels are much lower than ever - so I'm even more anxious.

At least you are falling pregnant and that must be a good sign - I have seen a consultant who has told me just to keep trying - but that is of little help.

I wish I could say something to make you feel better - but I know I can't.

Have faith it will eventually happen.


menalyn - May 6

Thanks Fally! It's nice just for people to be there just to talk about it! I live here in the UK now, with my husband near his family, and all my family is in the US, so sometimes, when i'm feeling upset over all of this, I feel as if I haven't anyone to speak to. My husband is a lovely man and very supportive, but he doesn't like discussing his feelings, so that makes things a bit difficult at times. I'm glad i've come across this website, atleast i have others to speak to who are in similar situations.


kelley32 - May 6

Hi menalyn ... I also felt much guilt for wanting another baby so badly when I already had a beautiful girl, it's almost as if I became consumed with desperation and could think of nothing else other than getting pregnant. I finally did conceive right after reading a book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility and only 1 cycle of BBT charting and cervical mucus monitoring ... I had finally realized that I was not ovulating when I originally thought. I had not been TTC as long as you have, I had only been trying for about 8 months, and also sufferred a miscarriage, but only at 5 weeks. I think that you made the right decision about the last baby, that was the best way you could protect him, and I would have done the same. I am also an only child, as well as my husband and so we also felt that it was very important for my daughter to have a sibling and experience one of life's greatest relationships. I wish that I had some magic words to make you feel better, but just know that there are so many women here in this forum that love you and embrace you and your difficulties. I have found relationships with women here that I don't even have in my real life and I treasure them very much. Please join me and some of those women in the thread called ' Anyone TTC in May? looking for cycle buddies ... ' we would love to have you. XXOO


Tracy88 - May 6

Menalyn, please don't feel guilty for wanting another child. Yes, some of us have yet to have even one, BUT we want the same thing you do, and there is nothing wrong with that. We all have the same goal here. What I really wanted to stress to you was to make sure you take plenty of supplements, folic acid for one. I say this because if you already had one baby that was diagnosed with spina bifida, then make sure you are taking precautions against that ocurring again. I don't know how old you are, but perhaps it's time to see a specialist. See an OB first to see who they would recommend, but check it out, it may be worth it. Do you have insurance? Your problem doesn't seem to be infertility, so insurance would probably cover most if not all of your diagnostic testing to see why you are miscarrying as well as just having delayed conception. Good luck.


menalyn - May 7

Thank you ladies for you support! It truly means a lot! My doctor has already put me on a prescribed dose of 5mg of folic acid, but recently i've been diagnosed with an underactive thyroid, so i'm now on medication for that. My doctor said that the medication should help with fertility, this was back in january and still nothing. So along with my thyroid medication, and folic acid, i'm also taking a supplement called pregnacare. It has all the bits you need to help you through prenancy. I'm only coming up to 27 this summer, so I really don't want to think about the possibility of needing medical help for conceiving. Well, perhaps i'm just not ready to admit that it might be a possibility. Luckily though, since i'm in the UK, we don't pay to see the doctor or go to hospital, and they have even just ok-ed for your 1st IVF treatment to be free. So, atleast i know it's there if that's what it comes down to. And I know i'm still young and have loads of time, but my son is 3 on the 30th of may, and if it takes much longer to conceive, the whole point of growing up with a sibling with diminish. Anyway, Kelley32 has mentioned a forum group, so i think i'll take her up on the offer and join them. It's especially hard with my mom still in the US, I can't call and cry on her shoulder, she just gets upset, and my close friends over here, are either pregnant or just had babies. So i really appreciate the support you ladies show me! Many thanks!!!


menalyn - May 7




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