Worried about hurting Sister in laws feelings...
14 Replies
Jennifer - June 28

Hi! My husband and I stopped using b/c shortly after christmas and decided to let fate take charge. We didn't "try" to get pregnant using charting, temps. etc. we just had sex. I'm now 6 weeks pregnant which we're very excited about. However my brother and his wife have been ttc for a long time, charting, temps etc and have been unsuccessful. I'm worried she'll be hurt when we tell her the news. Am I being too sensitive?


Drew - June 28

Hey Jennifer, thats a tough situation. But if you think about it, they'll be hurt even more if they find out from someone else. Maybe don't tell them in a group of people, like a family gathering where your telling everyone all at once. Maybe tell them first so they know what to expect, and if there is going to be any really strong emotional reaction, atleast it won't be in front of everyone. We have been ttc for 5 years, and in that time 2 nephews and 1 neice have been born. It kinda hurts when you hear the news, but at the same time we were really happy about the new life joining our family. Good luck!! :)


Jennifer - June 28

Thanks Drew! I have a very bittersweet feeling about the situation... we will take your advice and tell them personally before we announce it to the rest of the family. Thanks again for your support.


Lena - June 28

Having been in your sister-in-laws shoes more times than I care to count, I feel qualified to give you your sister-in-laws perspective. She'll be very bittersweet - both happy for you and sad for herself. Though she is feeling both emotions she will either act overly happy or like she could care less about your pregnancy or be somewhat disagreeable. Her anger won't be at you per se (even though you'll feel like it is) but her anger will be at how cruel life can treat us. Best not to "rub it in" by telling her how easy it was for you to conceive or how quickly it happened. No one needs to know, and if it makes your sister in law feel better that you've "Been trying like crazy" than thats ok.


Carrie - June 28

Hi Jennifer - I just want to say that I've been in your sister-in-law's shoes. In fact, just a few months ago my husband's sister got pregnant and decided it was easier for her not to tell us since we had been TTC for almost two years. We found out "through the grapevine" from a non-family member. It hurt me more than words can say. I wasn't really upset that she was pregnant (although it was disappointing that it so easy for others) but I was upset that she did what was easiest on her and let me find out from someone else. I would have much rather heard it from her. I think you're definitely on the right track if you tell them separately so they aren't blindsided by the news. I think they'll still be happy yet disappointed that they are having such a hard time. BTW, I am now happily 11 weeks pregnant so everything turned out great for me. Thank you for considering your sister-in-law's feelings - that is more than I can say for my husband's sister.


Kelly - June 28

Like the others I have been in the sister-in-law shoes and it does hurt. I was happy for them, but couldn't understand why it's so hard for us. She'll get over it, just as I did...but be prepared that it will not be easy for her...and continue to support her in her efforts to have a little one of her own. My advice is though is to tell her and privately and when she's not committed to being around. I was just dropping by their house when they told me and I was so thankful to leave quickly and cry...sounds silly but we had just found out we weren't pregnant the day before - talk about bad timing!


Jill - June 29

I don't want to sound rude, but my friend and I were in this boat 9 months ago. She got pregnant like it was nothing, while my husband and I were struggling. My advice will be useful farther along in your pregnancy. Your sister-in-law will realize that you're excited and she will be excited for you. Just don't let this dominate every conversation that you have with her. Listen to her, and let her talk to you. This is mainly just until she can feel the baby moving, and she gets even more excited. She will be waiting with you, just remember that this will be difficult for her at first. Tell her in person, if you can, and don't tell her how easy it was for you. She may walk away to go cry somewhere else, or she may cry in front of you, or she may put up a brave face and cry when she gets home. Just try to be there for her. I really hope this doesn't sound mean or anything, I tried to word it carefully, so it didn't come out wrong. I hope this helps.


Jennifer - June 29

Thank you everyone for your advice. I am sensitive to her feelings and want to ensure that she isn't too hurt. But at the same time I shouldn't be carrying around guilt or shame about my pregnancy, this is an exciting time for my husband and I and we should be able to feel happy, not guilty.


Drew - June 29

I totally agree, it is a happy time, and I think its great that your thinking about her feelings. Just try to tone it down around her, she will come around eventually. Don't worry, you'll be able to sense when things are getting to be too much for her. Good luck to you through your pregnancy!! :)


Dawn - June 29

Hi! I agree that you need to tell her in person. I have been there too. I just had a m/c in April and since then 3 cousins and 3 friends are all preg and due within 1 week of when my baby would have been born. I am happy for them and I know that they could not help for my situation. They all told me in person and I definately would rather have it that way then in a group of people. She(your sister in law) will understand. Also...my husband and I tried for over 2 years to get preg with our first. We heard of a nutritionist who formulates his own herbal supplements and I called and talked to him about some herbs that my friend took to get preg and he sent them to me. I was preg in 2 1/2 months. I now am on them for #2. I just ordered my 3rd month supply.I would be more than happy to give you or your sister in law the information. You can email me at [email protected]. All my friends that have taken this have gotten preg in less than 3 months. Your sister in law is lucky to have you in her life. You sound very sympathetic to her feelings. May God Bless you!


meg - June 29

she needs to deal its part of life


Justine - June 30

Jennifer - Congratulations on your pregnancy. It took me 3 years and IVF with ICSI to get pregnant so I can sort of see things from both sides. I found it very difficult hearing about pregnancies when we couldn't conceive. After a while you think you will never have children and whilst your happy for the other person its heartbreaking for you and just reminds you that you are childless and your life can seem empty and pointless. I think I would tell your brother and ask him whether its best to tell his wife or not. My husband chose not to tell me when some friends got pregnant as he thought I wouldn't be able to deal with it and he was right. Your SIL may need some space and may not want to hear about your pregnancy in detail -if she does please remember she may well be depressed and its nothing personal, some people just easier to cope that way. The best thing is to ask your brother what he thinks it would be best for you to do. You should enjoy your pregnancy and it sounds like you are a very nice person who will be sensitive.


Jennifer - June 30

Great advice Justine! I will talk to my brother first. Thanks alot everyone!


Jennifer - July 4

I don't have to worry about telling my SIL. I had a miscarriage 2 days ago.


Justine - July 4

Jennifer - I'm so sorry to hear that. Hope you get pregnant again soon - I think there's a very good chance you will.



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