What was your deciding factor to do or not do ivf?
17 Replies
isa - April 29

We have tried 1 natural iui, 2 clomid & injection iui's and 3 injection iui's (no clomid) with no luck. I'm 40 1/2, dh 42, we have some male factor issues with motility (ok post wash we get it up to about 80-85% most times) and his count post wash has ranged as low as 2-3mil but normally is about 9-11million. We have no children. I'm not sure about sinking the $$ into something that isnt a sure thing (especially at my age). What was your deciding factor to go for it or not go for it? Part of me says forget about the money just try and part of me says the cost will wipe out our entire savings & my car fund (I drive an 8 year old car already) and if there is an emergency and we need money we're sunk. How do I deal with the stress of all this to make the right decision? I have a couple months to decide due to a vacation that I'm leaving on soon and by the way my cycle hits when I'm back so I dont have to decide anything really fast.


Tracy88 - April 29

Isa, there are several factors that are affecting our decision to go straight to IVF. One, is that I have read, and read, and read, and get sick of seeing how many women go through IUI's whether medicated or not, and still do not get PG. The success rate for them seems very low, in actuality a lot lower than what is stated. I have read about women having 6 to 9 IUI's who end up with BFN's, but move on to IVF and get PG the first try. My doctor suggested to us the possibility of doing injectibles with IUI; which would cost about $1,500. Imagine if I did 6 to 9 of those cycles only to end up at IVF??? Also, I do not want to subject my body to months of hormone injections, when it's possible that one or two months at most would do the trick. We have a slight morphology issue, which the doctor says should not prevent us from getting PG naturally, but for some reason, I get the feeling that my husbands sperm are not penetrating the egg on their own due to their shape. I did three months of clomid and had very high day 21 progesterone levels and still did not get PG. I feel if we went to IVF with ICSI (when they insert the sperm into the egg) we would have success. We are also not rolling in cash, but don't want to spend thousands only to end up wasting all that time and money by ending up needing IVF in the long run. Well, that's my story. I have my next appointment with my RE on Tuesday to discuss all options again. I just started seeing him, so he has now had a chance to review our records and such, so hopefully we will come out with a plan. Good luck! Let me know what you decide.


isa - April 29

Hey Tracy thanks for your insight. I am one of those girls you mention about lots of iui's (7 with 6 medicated) over $5000 in meds and iui's and no bfp. We also would do icsi and if he thought we needed it assisted hatching. He says usually after age 37 its recommended. (It's only another $500 so if it helped I"d do it). I am very afraid of multiples. I am afraid our only problem in not getting pregnant was like you said the sperm couldnt penetrate the egg on its own and I dont want to implant and end up with more than 1 child. I have some health issues with my arms & hands and trying to care for 2 or more (especially trying to carry 2 baby seats) would not be possible for me so it very much scares me. I know there are reductions they can do but for many reasons I would be afraid of that too. It's so stressful and I know for a successful ivf you cant be stressed.


Tracy88 - April 30

I know how stressful this decision is for me to make, so I can definitely see where you are coming from on the multiples issue. My husband doesn't want twins at all, but I too am afraid to have selective reduction. Luckily my predicament is just over DH trying to be too much in control, whereas, yours is more serious. I can only suggest to go ahead with IVF if I were you, just since you've been the IUI route. Perhaps they can implant two, you can pray for one to sttick, and if two stick, get the selective reduction. OR do IVF and have them only put one egg back into you and freeze the rest, that way you can do FET if the one egg doesn't stick. With so much money at stake, I am transferring two back in just in case. I don't care what DH says. I know I'm not the most helpful, but I'm glad to talk about this with you since I am still debating on what to do also. Take care!


isa - May 1

Hey Tracy, due to my age the doc says we can put back 5. He has never had anyone over 40 with more than twins and the large majority only have singletons (he says at our advanced age (I'm over 40+) only 1 out of every 4 or 5 eggs is good anyways. I still fear it. Dh thought twins would be ok until his sister had a large baby and he realized how much just one baby would take to deal with. He's off that route now and just wants one healthy one. My biggest fear is that our only trouble was with fertilization and I might end up with a much larger family than I want ..but then again I was nieve enough to think I was going to get pregnant the first few months we started trying and that was over a year ago so I'm not so smart anyways. I doubt my doc would even allow me to pay for ivf and let only 1 be transferred as he'd say I was wasting my money (due to the bad egg over 40 theory). He's really good in the way that he wont just do something and take your money regardless.


Tracy88 - May 1

I have the same fear about the "fertilization factor" which is why I think if we put back two, we will probably have two. If I get pg with twins, I will not have selective reduction despite what DH wants. It's 3 or more that would make me even consider it. Plus, sometimes there is a vanishing twin, so I may only end up with one anyway. I'll see what the doc has to say tomorrow. I need to ask him what the rate of survival is for eggs my age. I am 36, so not far behind you. This doctor does a 5 day blast transfer though, which every time I have read that someone had a five day blast transfer of say two blasts, both stuck. Anyway, I will keep you posted on what we talk about tomorrow. Going to the gym, so must get off my butt and go before I talk myself out of it. Have a great day!


Tracy88 - May 2

My appointment to discuss my options with the doc is in two hours. I'll keep you posted on what we decide and why. How are you doing?


isa - May 3

Hey Tracy still unsure. My orientation is friday. I will know more then maybe about what I'm doing. I kinda want to know my odds at my age (40 1/2). I thought it was about 15% and dh said if that is all it is it's not worth it. We have to pay out of pocket on all of it except we get some coverage on the drugs but we have to pay them up front and then get re imbursed for them so its very expensive. Let me know how your meeting went.


Tracy88 - May 3

Oh, you know, I kind-of feel more confused than ever. The doctor said that he would really recommend a cycle or two of injectibles since we are the classic "unexplained" couple, but I am soooo afraid of an ectopic pregnancy and feel like IVF would give me a little more control over the multiples issue. Right now, we are waiting for AF to show and at that point will re-assess before deciding if we are going to start the injectilbles this cycle or not. DH wants in-vitro, and so do I, but at this point, I was thinking we should take the chance with the injectibles. I don't know. Have any thoughts?


isa - May 3

Tracy, (keep in mind I was 39 almost 40 when I started treatment last year) We started with my first iui cycle on 100mg clomid and injections. This was after 2 cycle monitoring by the clinic and natural bd with no luck. )2nd cycle was 50mg clomid with injections (both month the clomid thinned lining too much so he said no more). Next cycle I had 4 cysts so we just bd'd. Next cycle was over xmas so I couldnt be monitored so we did one egg, iui and nothing. Next cycles were injections only (3 iui cycles) and I am still not pregnant. Doc says iui's are more random for getting multiples but I am more afraid of it with ivf because something is telling me its only the fertilization that is our problem and the icsi will fix all that. Mind you I dont know about my egg quality. If I did it all again , and knew what I know now (that I'd have no luck with the iui's)I would have saved the $5000 and gone right to ivf but hindsight is always easier tomake decisions by. I still don't know what we will do. In some ways I'm afraid of ivf because what if my eggs are no good and its really over. I dont know if maybe not knowing is easier to deal with than knowing the bad. See, I am all over the map. I am fearful of hyperstimming again, and fearful of it not working , fearful of it working.....I just have a million thoughts running through my head right now. If you guys can afford the ivf and both want to do it then I'd say go for it. My doctor typically does a day 3 transfer but does the blasts as well. He says often the iffy eggs on day 3 wont last til day 5 but could last if in the uterous so its a "crap shoot". If they last to day 5 he says you do have a great chance of success because it means they are hardly little guys. I asked if they could do both and he says it's been done and tried by researchers but it means disturbing the ones that are already in there and that may not be so good. It is fascinating and yet so scarey all at the same time.


Tracy88 - May 4

I too have sooooo many thoughts racing through my head, but know that I need to make a decision soon. If I choose to do injectibles I would start in a few days, so I feel pressed for time even though I know it's ultimately my decision. I fear doing the injectibles, not because of being overstimmed, but because I don't want an ectopic and end then up losing a tube or something. With IVF that is not a possibility. Granted there are many women who do not end up with ectopic pg's but I don't want to be one of the ones that does. I have a friend who did. I understand your fear about not wanting to learn that your eggs are too old, but honestly, I would rather know why I'm not getting pg. It would be tough to accept, but then you wouldn't have to spend the rest of your life thinking of the "what ifs" and "why ". I don't know. We can afford most of the cost of one cycle of IVf, dh said he would ask his mom or sister for the rest. His family is wealthy, so for him to ask is no big deal. I on the other hand, could not ask my mom for money. If she donated, fine, but I won't ask. My doctor does a 5 day blast transfer, which is why I feel like I would have more control over the multiples issue. I would only have him transfer two and be happy if I got Pg with twins. It's when the thought of having to do selective reduction comes into the picture that I get hesitant to do injectibles. You cannot control how many you fertilize and possibly implant. Anyway....gonna go take a shower. Talk to you soon. I'm just as torn as you are on the issue, that's why I think it's good that we hash it out together until we come to some conclusions that we are both comfortable with.


Tracy88 - May 4

You know, days ago, I thought I had my mind all made up, but talking to the doctor seemed to scramble everything again.


Tracy88 - May 4

OK, DH and I had another serious conversation last night and we decided to go with the injectibles this cycle, but will do the laparoscopy next month if insurance agrees to cover it. With that said, how are you hanging in there? Any new thoughts about it all?


isa - May 4

Hi Tracy, no new thoughts about ivf. I have that orientation tomorrow so I'll maybe have more thoughts then. Its funny, i never thought of the ectopic fears like you have, but then I never knew anyone that went through it. I was afraid of the hyperstim (and it happened) but i was ok in the end and I was afraid of multiples and reduction. Like you there is so much moral discussion with that, that it scares me to even think that way. I was afraid of having to do the shots as no way dh can do them to me so I knew I had to and although i dont like giving my belly shots I did it and I always yell out after i do it "DID IT" and dh will yeall back "Yeaaaah" and then repeat the next night. The only thing about them is my belly got bloated and I feel ugly and fat now with the way my abs are. I never had flat abs even at my skinny skinny times but it certainly has accentuated my gut and to me if I saw someone I knew that looked like I did a year ago and then saw me now I would assume she was pregnant. That is the part I hate. I feel like I look it but I'm not. I had to go up in pant sizes from ovulation til the end of next af due to the bloating and now I'm just up in bigger pants sizes. BUT -it will be so worth it if I get my little one out of the deal. I'll let you know tomorrow about my ivf orientation and if I learn anything from it.


Tracy88 - May 4

I had the same gross, bloated feeling when I was on clomid. Believe it or not, I gained 12 pounds while on clomid for 3 cycles. Not amny people gain weight from it, I was one of the few. How many cycles of shots have you done? and have you gained weight or are you just bloated? I went through the whole buying new pants thing and really wish I didn't have to go through that again. BUT, I will if I have to. I just lost 9 out of my 12 clomid pounds and hope I just bloat, I have worked so hard at getting the weight off. I know what you mean too about looking Pg. My husband's brother's wife is also trying to get pg, and while I was on clomid, you could just see her seething because I know she thought I was pg and not telling her. I looked about 4 months pg. Now everytime she sees me, I see her checking me out because she wants to beat me at this race. I won't talk to her about things anymore ever since DH's brother started ragging on him for not being able to conceive right away. What a crappy, petty way to be. Anyway, let me know how tomorrow goes. Good luck, and I hope you get some answers. I'm glad you have the opportunity to go to something like that. Take care.


isa - May 5

Hey Tracy, I have done 5 cyles of injections (2 of which were with clomid) and yes I have gained weight. I'm up about 12 lbs since August when I started my 1st clomid/injection round. I'm sorry you have a sil trying to compete with you. I have an sil but they decided not to have kids due to some of her health issues so I don't have that comparison but I have a female relative that has been pg 2x's since I have been trying and I think my dad is a bit sad that he's not a grandpa yet. Back when we thought we had a chem preg last year I told him and he was like well at least you know you can and then recently I had an appt with the RE for a review and he says he doesnt think that is what happened and so it's like we havent even fertilized yet so it's worse than we thought. Who knew having kids was so tough. If I'd known this I would have started trying when I first met my hubby. As it is we started trying within a month of our marriage but I was 39 when I got married (my first marriage). Neither of us tried before so we had no idea it would take us this long. You know how they tell you when you are kids you can get pg so easily. I was so nieve to think it would happen quickly. Never guessed I'd be paying someone to try and get me pg. How weired does that sound eh. Well I"ll keep you posted on tomorrows orientation.


isa - May 7

Tracy, ivf orientation was interesting. I knew most of the stuff already from my own research on the net but it was good to hear what I was reading was accurate. They gave our Canadian stats and the clinic stats and the clinic stats are ore than double the canadian stats for ivf. For over 40 our clinic had a success rate of 52% in 2005. The nurse said they have an amazing embryologist who will actually tell you the day of retrieval how many eggs you have before you leave and call you personally in 24 hours and 48 hours after the retrieval to keep us posted on the quality and cell division. Dh and I still have not decided what to do. Dh says we have a couple months no need to decide now. I'm not sure how I feel. I still think its so much money (and money we dont really have). If you have any questions about what I might have learned go ahead and ask me.



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