Well girls.....I have some bad news
7 Replies
kare21162 - April 4

Hello ladies. This might be a long post. I just need to vent. I'm on CD12, well 13 since it's 1:15 AM on this Tuesday. My DB and I were supposed to be trying for a baby. But I don't think that he wants to now. I thought that we were in this together. But I believe it turns out that I was the only one. I talked to him tonight and tried to get the mood going, but apparently he didn't want to. I told him that we needed to try at least every other day and tonight was the time to again. Then he proceeded to say that I wasn't using the monitor yet, so what was the point if I didn't know if I was ready or not. Well I was hopeing that I didn't have to use the monitor if we tried this month and that I wasn't going to open it until I started AF next month. Then I would ask him questions and he seemed to not even know that I was there. I didn't get any response and he wasn't sleeping because he snores when he's sleeping. I've been with this man for almost 3 years, and I've known him for over a little over 3 years. Why wouldn't he want to do this during the time that I might be ovulating? He's been taking the fertility pills and he knows I got the monitor and he didn't seem to have a problem with that. I don't know why he keeps making up these excuses. It's like everytime it's time to get down to business, he too tired or I should have wanted to do it earlier, but he tells me that he wants a baby. No, I don't force the subject, I may talk about it alot, but that's because I want to have a baby with him. You girls know how much you want this and how it feels the longer you have to wait. I just don't understand this. I don't know what to do and I don't have anybody to talk to. Why didn't he just tell me that he didn't want a baby right now, then I would have never started to get things and I wouldn't have taken some of my friends unisex clothing. Now I have all this stuff and everytime I look at it it's going to make me sad. The other sore subject with him is marriage, we are just B and G, but I'd like to think that he's my fiance. I mean we've lived together for almost 2 years. He's never asked me to marry him before, but before we started dating we were friends and he was in love and he chased me for a couple of months before I started to realize that I loved him too. I am his first girlfriend. He might be realizing that he really doesn't love me like he thought he did because he's never felt what love is like and I was the first one he felt it for. I always told him if you ever have any doubt about your love for me you need to let me know because it's just going to hurt somebody in the end. God knows I love him, I've been in love before, or at least I thought I was. With him is different, I could see us haveing a family and getting married. I never thought about that with my past boyfriends. Well I guess one good thing might come of this. At least a child won't be subject to this. I didn't have a dad, until my mom remarried when I was about 8. So I know what it's like not having a father and I wouldn't want my child to not have one either. Everytime I talk about marriage or something he gets irritated and tells me not to bug him about it and that he's never really thought about it before. So I guess he doesn't want to. I'm fine with having a baby without being married. To some people the baby would be a "bastard" being born out of wedlock. Like my mom would think. As long as the two of them were together and planning on getting married sometime in the future I don't think it matters nowadays. Anyway girls, I believe that this post is too long and I've probably lost you by now. Well I hope the best for all of you and yours. I will still get on here from time to time and see how you all are doing. Maybe he might come around and we'll start trying again. Who knows at this point. I really hope to see alot of BFP's on here. Keep trying and don't give up hope. Eventually God will give you that baby you've been longing for.......


Nikki - April 4

I am very sorry to hear that your guy is acting like that. I know its easy to give up when you feel that he isn't even there for you, but it might just be a one time thing. Maybe he just wasn't in the mood for sex that night? I know my husband has some weird idea that he won't "do it" if he doesn't feel good or if he is too worried. And sometimes its hard for him to get in the mood if I jump into bed and say: "Lets make a baby!" I don't tell him when we are doing it to conceive, I just initiate sex like I would if it was just for fun. Don't ask me why, it just seems to work better for him that way.
And you're saying that God will give us all the baby we want, well, he will give you yours too! You might just have to forget about it this cycle and give your man some time to get over whatever it is he is dealing with.
Its probably just scary to him, which is understandable. It is a big deal after all.
Also, I can see why you would like for him to ask you to marry him, but that's another thing that will scare a man. My DH never proposed to me; we just decided to get married, in part because it was practical. Naturally, we love each other too, we just didn't have the option of living together first, and sometimes I feel like we missed out on a lot.
Well, I hope things will look better for you in the morning and that he will eventually come around. He might be the one who is acting silly, but remember that men are just very large babies themselves. They need and crave attention, so maybe you should try to do something nice for him. Romantic dinner, massage whatever he enjoys. Maybe then he'll realize that, at the very least, he owes you an explanation.
Good luck!


to kare21162 - April 4

I know you're going through a horrible time right now and I'm very sorry about that. But, it's also a good thing you found out how he really feels before you got pg. It's very important that both people are in the same wavelenght when it comes to having a baby. You wouldn't want him to regret having a baby with you if it's not what he really wanted in the first place. There's a risk of him blaming you or even the baby. I also think there's something wrong with him not wanting to get married. You have been together for a long time and if he has doubts about a future with you, then you should rethink a future with him. You and your future baby deserve a husband and daddy that will love you both unconditionally and with no reservations in his mind. Believe me, one of the best things about being pregnant is seeing your husband's emotions throughout the whole thing. When he's ready, you'll know and it will make the experience even better than you could have ever imagined. Good luck and remember, don't ever settle. Those "perfect" guys do exist and you definitely deserve one!


kare21162 - April 5

Well I don't know what was bothering him, because today he seems fine again. He said that he was tired and that he didn't feel good last night. But I told him that it happens all the time. He has been working 10-6's for the past couple of weeks and normally he is sleeping when I get home. It's hard for me not to say "lets make a baby". He knows when I'm trying because he's on top of me and he barely is, mainly to try and concieve. So do you know how I would go about not letting him know???


Nikki - April 5

I am glad that he seems to be doing better, I hope his good mood will last.
I know its hard not to discuss the TTC process with your man, but I try to leave the baby-talk out of the bedroom. I don't want to put that presesurw on him. Try to just initiate it as sex instead of BD'ing, like you would if you just wanted sex. Make him feel like you want him for him, not just for his sperm :-)
I don't let my dh see my ovulation strips, I take my temps quietly and don't discuss them with him too often. He wants a baby, but he doesn't want it to mess up our love life. I can understand that he feels that way, so I try to make if easy on him. If I have questions or problems, or if I just need to talk, I do it here.
I think men have this idea that one day, we will just announce that we are pregnant - no worries, no stress, just the happy news.
Sometimes its hard for them to accept that we have to actually "work" for it. Plus, there's the pride issue. Just like I sometimes feel that I am only half woman since I can't conceive, it bothers him in the same way.
Some women might think its wrong that he isn't more involved, but it works for us. You can always try and see if it makes him more comfortable?
Good luck!


kare21162 - April 5

Thank you Nikki! I will try and not act like I'm wanting to try for a baby. I'm on CD14 right now. I don't have any EWCM, it's just lotion like right now. I think that's the step before it comes, right? Or is it the watery stuff? Hopefully I get the EWCM in the next couple of days. We haven't had sex since CD10. So I'm hopeing that we will tongiht, since it's my day off and I can catch him before he decides to go to sleep, LOL. I just hope that he is in a good mood today. We do have to go grocery shopping today, but maybe I'll try before hand. I usually like to do it before I go to bed, so I can lay there and fall asleep. But we will see, I don't think we are going to have sucess this month, so maybe I'll break out the CBEFM and play with it. Talk to you later and thanks for your kind words.


trulala_wants_baby - April 22



Tracy88 - April 22

I am going to be the devil's advocate here and say, that this month I am the one in the relationship that did not want to have sex. Both DH and I want a baby more than anything, but I just kind-of gave up at the crucial time in my cycle. My monitor showed that I was having an LH surge and I barely had the desire for "scheduled" sex. I'm over it, just as I am assuming your boyfriend may be as well. I don't think it's that he doesn't want a child, he just may need spontaneous, regular old sex. I don't know how long you guys have been trying, but you may need to take a break from the "necessary" sex.



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