sister in law pg.... how do I deal with it?
11 Replies
Helayna - October 6

Hi, everyone! I just got back from vacation, and there is no place like home!! I missed this site, and the support from all you great gals! I just found out that my little brother and his wife of 4 months (she instantly got pregnant) are having a girl. It is hard sometimes, because he is only just 20, and was married for like 2 weeks before she got pg. And I am happy for them, and I love them, but the green eyed monster is getting the better of me!! I just keep telling myself it's my turn's my turn next..... Has this happened to anyone else? How do I get through this? Well, I hope all of you have baby wishes, and lots of dust! Helayna


Mega - October 6

Hang in there. It's hard not to get a flare of envy now & again even while at the same time you're happy for them. It's so weird how it's easy for some people to get pg & so hard for others. Just keep on believing that you're next! That's all we can do.


Mrs. Turnah - October 6

Helayna.....I am right there with sister in law is on baby #2.....and I keep saying it is my turn....she didn't even want to tell me this time around because she knew it would devastate it did....I love her, happy for her...and...feeling sorry for myself all the has taken control of my life...I am instantly grouchy when she is around...I feel like an awful person...I don't know that there is a way to get through by is so bad for me now, that people walk on eggshells around me, don't want to hurt my feelings.....just, i have 2 children from a previous marriage(8 and 10 years), I am 35 and my husband has no biological children of his own...have been ttc for 2 years...have only left tube, but both ovaries...tried everything but IVF.....everything looks fine...just not happening....I will think of you...and best wishes...whenever you need to vent...I am here...


Sveya - October 6

Helayna, I am so sorry, I know how much it hurts inside, sometimes it can cut like a knife into your heart. It's so hard to understand when it feels like so many people around you are getting pregnant and living the dream you have always wanted. What has helped me over the years is just try to be believing that it will happen for you. This may even sound silly - but it helps me to cope on really hard days. I love planning, dreaming and creating, etc. Remember as little girls sometimes you would play the someday game: someday when I grow up I'm going to.... let's say get married.... (for example) and you would plan out your elaborate wedding... well I do the same thing as an adult. When it is my turn to get pregnant someday... I am going to surprise our family and friends this a way, or that way... when I get focused on what I want to someday to (something I do have control over) I feel excited and I feel like I have more balanced and control of my life. With infertility as much and as hard as you try - sometimes it is just out of our control - it isn't our fault, it's just how it is. For me, it's at the point where I may be invited to go to a baby shower and all of the other guests, get uncomfortable because they don't know how to react or what to say when they are all sharing there happy stories, and I can't participate. And I am genuinely happy for them. So, for me, I decided instead of them feeling sorry for me, someday... I will be a shower hostess -- when I want to, I will throw a baby shower for someone else, (as an example) because I have the control - I choose to not let my stress of not getting pregnant interfere with my happiness for someone else. It sounds weird, but when you take charge of something that you can control it builds up your self-confidence. Sorry this is so long.... but I hope it will help. I believe in you. And I believe in all of us ladies here, and I believe that someday all of our dreams will come true. Keep believing!!! ***baby dust***


Lee Ann - October 6

Normal feelings & reactions. It's been 3yrs since my mc and every September I remember a birthday that never was. Still hopeful, still give my prayers to God and try to make peace and move forward. Cousins have kids all over the place (my name sake, whose #4 in the brood just came along in March). I have a hard time attending the family service at church because of all the kids, sometimes its just overwhelming. But hubby and I are pursuing adoption and leaving everything else in God's hands. (Not an easy thing to do.)

My dearest friend has been ttc for 2 years now, IUI didn't work and IVF failed. They're taking a 6mo breather before starting again. I don't understand why women who are in good relationships and places in their lives and want children have this problem, but a stupid 14 year old in the back of the car can get pg. It's just not fair...some days are better than others. But we have to continue to move forward. (Sucks don't it?!)


Leesa - October 6

I am there w/you also, my sister is due this month w/#2,my uncle just had a baby girl and my cousin is expecting #2 as well . Seems to be everyone except me! The sad thing is my sister is not even excited about it, acts like it such a burden and then here I am trying so hard and having no luck. She got pregnant a mnth after I had my m/c so this makes it so much harder I can't even be around her right now because it depresses me so much I am happy for her,but I just don't understand why someone who dosen't want another child seems to have no problems,but one who does seem to have them all! I've been trying since m/c in Jan. w/no luck and doc won't do anything cause it hasen't been a year. I guess we just have to stay positive and keep telling ourselves that were next! May God Bless U w/a healthy bundle of joy!Baby dust 2U!!!!


d - October 6

in the past 2 days i found out that 2 of my girlfriends are pg. one it is her first and another is on her 2nd (which is unwanted by the way) its killing me. My mothers stepdaughter just had a baby in june. so i hear you. i feel it too. i cry everytime but at the same time i am happy for the them


Jen - October 6

Helayna- I hear you! Both of my sister-in-laws have gotten pregnant in the past year, while my husband and I have been trying for 2 years. Although I needed my time to grieve and cry it out, like Sveya said I chose to host both of their baby showers. I won't lie, it was hard, but I decided these were my little nephews that were expected and under normal circumstances I would throw the showers. I thought it was better to accept it and think about how great it would be to be an aunt, rather than to dwell on the fact that technically it should have been my turn. Somedays are better than others, but I just keep reminding myself about how much I love my two little nephews and that someday...hopefully soon...I'll be the one with the exciting news. Hang in there...I know how it feels.


Mindi - October 7

I know how you feel. My dh's brother's girlfriend, yep, you got it right, just had their 3rd child on Wednesday. And, to top it off, 2 mo. ago, we found out that his other brother's girlfriend is preggo too. What gives? It is so frustrating. There are so many people around me who are just winding up with unplanned pregnancies and are as happy as can be. Then there is me, who is trying everything to get preggo and nothing. It's hard to be happy.


Robin - October 7

I feel exactly the same way! My cousin's wife is getting IVF done today and they are pretty certain that it will work for her. She already has two children from a previous marriage (girl-7/boy-5) and now she gets to have another so easily. She didn't even have to pay for it because her family had some sort of connections. My cousin has never seemed like the "family" type and now all of a sudden, as soon as he decides he's ready~~whalah~~~ its there. I'm soooo jealous even though I know that I will be happy for them in the long run. Their doctor says there is a good chance of twins resulting which will make me even more sad b/c my dad is a twin and I have always wanted twins my whole life . ( and now I can't even get pregnant in the first place) The only thing that I can think of to make ladies in our situation feel better is to make yourself an active part of their happiness. Give suggestions (if they are welcome) for the baby's name, attend doctor's appts (again, if you are welcome), and just do little things to help the expectant mother as you would hope they would do for you. You are in my prayers as are all the others in the same boat! ~~baby dust~~ to you all!


robin - October 7

i just wanted to add that the reason my cousin's wife is doing IVF is b/c she had her tubes tied


W - October 8

I've been TTC also and two of my husbands sisters are preg. one is 31 wks, with #5 and the other 20 wks with # 1. Its been hard for me to deal with too, but I just keep reminding myself that I'm am so happy that they are going to experience such a wonderful miracle, and I will be there to see it, and when it is my time I will too. I was pregnant at the same time as my sis-in-law who is 20 wks, our due dates were 2 days apart, I was just ahead of her, but I lost mine at 10 wks. She is going to find out if it is a girl or boy on Monday, and it is really hard for me to watch her, but I am still happy for her (when I can controll the green eyed monster)



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