Pressure of TTC affecting DH ?
7 Replies
Cady - January 13

Hi girls. I need your help. I serioulsy need to vent. I should win an Oscar for my performance this morning. DH and I have been ttc for 5 months, I've been charting for 2 months. DH is feeling the pressure. About 80% of the time he is unable to ejaculate. This week is my fertile phase with my o looming anyday now. DH and I bd this morning and as with the last 4 days in a row, he couldn't finish. he even lost his erection. I acted really casual and said no big deal sweetie, etc. I could tell I helped him feel better and as I left this morning, he was in good spirits. He said he was probably just tired. Not true. Oh well. I cried while trying to put my make-up on....not easy! I made sure to hide my feelings. He said we'll try again tonight. I love him so much and feel so upset for him and for us and for me. I'm really seeing the pressure ttc is putting on him. He really does want a baby so it's not that. Girls, I think I might back off of ttc, as much as it kills me. We just aren't going to get there like this. I'm crying now. I hate how this makes him feel. I could tell he was worried about how I would react. UGH! is there anyone else who goes through this? At least you girls have a shot to get your BFPs when you actually have little swimmers! I can't talk to anyone about this, especially not him, b/c we tried before and it's just making things worse, him knowing how frustrating and sad it is to me. This is the ONLY thing I can't talk to him about and I feel like I;m lyiing to him. But in this case, it's better. I guess before I throw in the towel, I might try of "closet charting"....telling him I've given up on it but secretly keeping track of my temps so as to relieve him of the pressure. Also, I think it is too much for him to bd every day. I was just trying to maximize our chances of when he would finish....every other day would have been better....Any advice? I can't stand how alone in this I feel! Thanks for letting me vent. I'm so lucky to have this place at least. I hope you girls are having a better time at ttc.


Shawna - January 13

Cady, it is called performance anxiety. I know how frustrating it is because we went through it a few months ago. I just stopped telling him when I might ovulate and we have sex regularly, for enjoyment not a mission. I'm really sorry if this month doesn't work for you, but try my advice. We are not pg yet, I found out in December that I am not ovulating and I go to a specialist next thursday. Good luck with everything! Baby dust!


Cady - January 13

Shawna, thanks for understanding. I've been doing a lot of thinking and next month I will not mention the "O" word. Yes, sex for enjoyment would be nice. I'm glad to hear that this helped you both. Good luck at the specialist. I really hope lots of baby dust comes to both of us!


sherry - January 13

i totally pretend to be 'hot' and interested, just to try to get him going, but it does not always work. my hubby got performance anxiety at times as well, and i took it too personally. we just expect them to be up and ready all the time, but they got fears, hopes, and feelings to. all i try to do, is get him riled up naturally, even if it's just a show, and try not to make it all about ttc, but making love. even if it's part act on my part, you are more likley to get your way. it's very hard, i know. once you get preggy, the good sex will be back :)


Cady - January 13

Sherry, you're right. That's what I've been doing a little of recently. I'll keep it up...I do think they should give out Oscars for this, though!=)


einfanti - January 13

As I said in my 1st post, I'm new. I am sorry for the troubles you ladies are having - sounds so frustrating. I'm not quite there yet. What do DH and BD stand for?


Mega - January 13

Hi einfanti. Yeah, it takes awhile to learn the abbrevations. DH means darling Husband or Dear Husband (or even Darn Hubby, if you're mad at him!) BD is baby dance, which is a nice way of saying sex for babymaking purposes. Hope this helps (HTH)! Baby Dust!!


me - January 13

You are TOTALLY not alone in this. I think everyone ttc goes through something similar. If I could suggest something...keep charting but don't let him know. When it is a few days before O time, just casually initiate sex in a not procreative, normal way so he doesn't realize it is for ttc. It is kind of letting him know that you are not pressuring him to "perform" on command, and relieves the stress for him. I literally had sex every other day around my O time and he never realized it. It was very calculated on my part, but it worked. No performance anxiety and we both actually enjoyed having sex. I also believe in having sex every other day, especially if he is not to be suspicious :) I understand your Oscar performance, but your not alone :) Be confident, be calculating and be sexy! Ride cowgirl ride!



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