poem called a mom wannabe
6 Replies
slowpoke01 - November 6

girls i cant take credit for this i found it on the net i thought that it described some of the feelings that we have after we have ttc for awihle. hope you all enjoy it.

A Mom Wannabe

I want to be a mom. But I can't. Instead, I'm a mom wannabe.

I want to procreate. I want to conceive a child naturally with my husband, in the privacy of our home, in the spirit of love and passion, in the way God intended. But I can't. Instead, a doctor, a laboratory and a test tube will try to assist God with our conception.

I want to discover that my period is several days late. I want to buy a pregnancy test and pee on a stick. I want to see the + sign. I want to cry tears of joy for the news we'd discovered. But I can't. Instead, I cry tears of pain at random, for no reason and with no warning.

I want to experience morning sickness. I want my hormones to go haywire. I want the "pregnant glow." I want to have my husband talk to my belly. But I can't. Instead, I try not to look pregnant. I don't buy clearance clothes for next year, "just in case." I try to keep my emotions from going haywire. I dream that my husband talks to my belly.

I want to take pre-natal vitamins. I want to eat for two. I want to schedule my first doctor's visit. I want to sit in the waiting room with other pregnant women and know that I am one of them. But I can't. Instead, I wonder if those pregnant women ever had problems conceiving. I think how cute they look as they waddle with their big bellies. I smile at babies that are not mine. I ache from loving someone I've never met.

I want to hear the Doctor say, "You're pregnant. Your progress is right on schedule." But I can't. Instead, I hear: "I am sorry," "Let's try one more cycle, technology is really improving."

I want to surprise my parents with a new grandchild. I want to tell my family and friends our good news. I want my life to change overnight. I want to read What to Expect When You're Expecting. But I can't. Instead, I have no news to tell. I realize my life hasn't changed in years. I read When Empty Arms Leave a Heavy Burden.

I want to monitor the progress. I want to see the ultrasounds. I want to hear the heartbeat. I want to watch our baby grow. I want to feel the kicks. But I can't. Instead, I take the injections. I give blood. I watch my eggs grow and pray they fertilize. My embryos are transferred, while my husband watches our conception from across the room. I wait. I pray. I wait for the one phone call that can make our life better. Or worse.

I want to decorate the nursery. I want to childproof our home. I want to shop for adorable, soft, tiny outfits. I want to shop at Gymboree. I want to save money for the baby's future. But I can't. Instead, I imagine a crib in the empty room down the hall. I avoid the baby stores in the mall. We spend our money on doctor appointments, tests and high tech procedures. We spend our money on a dream. We are left with an empty bank account. We are left with empty arms.

I want to share the experience with my pregnant friends. I want to compare symptoms. I want to be the guest of honor at a baby shower. But I can't. Instead, I watch my friends get pregnant quickly. I watch their bellies grow, attend their showers, see their pictures and try to be a good friend. I watch their lives change and our friendships change in front of my eyes.

I want my belly to drop. I want my water to break. I want contractions. I want an epidural. I want my husband by my side and my family in the waiting room. I want the pushing. I want the pain. I want to hear the cry. But I can't. Instead, I feel a different pain. I hear my own cry. Yes, I even hear the cry of my husband which hurts more than I had ever imagined.

I want to hold our baby in my arms, with tears of joy streaming down our faces. I want to experience the miracle of birth, thinking, "We did it!", but knowing that God did it. But I can't. Instead, I hold my husband in my arms with tears of sorrow streaming down our faces and wonder what God's plan is for us and why we have to go through this.

I want to pray that one extra special blessing be added to my life. And I do. I pray my 1000th unanswered prayer to God and hope that this time He answers. I pray for the miracle of life that only God can give. I pray that someday soon, He will give it to us.

I want to be a mom-but I can't. Instead, I am right where God wants me to be: thankful for our blessings, searching out His will, basking in His grace, trusting in His perfect plan, praying for a change in status.

From a mom wannabe, to the mom I want to be.


stepmommel - November 6

Wow Slowpoke. That's an awesome poem. Made me cry, unfortunately it hit all too close to home, as it's so accurate! Thanks for sharing it!


slowpoke01 - November 6

yeah step it says the same things that i know that each of us feels every month. i thought that i needed to share it with everyone. it so made me cry too. some people have no idea how lucky they have it to be able to conceive naturally and easily so i think that if they read this poem they would understand better what we are going through, and why sometimes we can get huffy quick without even realizing it and how some things that they say hurt us without them meaning to because they really dont know what we are going through and this poem captured that and it hit real close to h ome for me too even though i am not doing ivf i do take clomid and have hcg shot and things like that. i hope that you all enjoy this i will be printing it out to put in my scrapbook so that i can share it with my bundle one day and let them know that some people have it harder than others and to be thankfull if you are one of the ones who does have it easy. take care


thayward7 - November 6

Wow... that is amazing. It really does sum it all up... I'm sure we can all relate to something in this poem. Thanks for posting it Slow. It helped me to remember that I am not alone. Smiles and Babydust.. T


slowpoke01 - November 7

thay you are so welcome i thought of each of us when i read this because it does sum it all up and we all can relate


Anny - November 7

yes...wow..i feel the EXACT SAME WAY..i cried because all the emotions i feel are right there..thank you


slowpoke01 - November 7

anny you are so welcome..i am just glad that it has helped so many to post it here for you all. i felt the same way when i read it. good luck all



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