need to vent. . .uncooperative dh. . .possible endometrosis.
7 Replies
UGHHHH! - February 18

I've always wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. IT IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME!!! My husband only seems to think of himself and how he'd rather not take on the challenges/risks of parenthood. How can I make him understand how important this is??!! If he understood this, then he'd have to know how SELFISH he's being!!! I keep having cramping on random days throughout my cycles; I'm worried that I may have mild endometriosis and that in a few years I'll have so much trouble getting pregnant---and we/I will wish desparetly we didn't wait! What do I do???? I feel fear, anger, lonliness, and deep saddness.

 

AliciaO - February 18

Well hunny, what I have seen over and over is that if he doesn't want to have kids yet, he is not going to change his mind just because he realizes he is being selfish. He has his reasons what ever they are for not wanting kids and it sounds like you have done your best to pursuade him so if he is still resisting, I don't think his mind is going to change. Unfortunatly this is bad for you and I am sorry you have to deal with this. I just wanted to tell you that all of my friends who have had this problem but gotten pregnant anyway have all since been divorced or left for a childless woman. I know this is not what you want to hear, but you probably already know this in your heart. Maybe you should find someone new who shares your same values towards children. I am sorry for your hard time, but it will get better. Good luck.

 

Ann - February 20

Ughhhh, does your dh not want to have a child at all or does he just not want to do it now? If he never wants children, I agree with AliciaO that you should find someone who shares your values and goals. It would not be fair to a child to bring him/her into the world to a parent that does not want him/her. I feel really bad for you with your situation. I hope it improves. Have you seen a dr regarding endo? That is really the only way to find out if you have it. My RE told me that most women he sees with endo have no symptoms. Good luck to you!

 

Jeanette - February 20

I would sit him down and get everything out in the open. Then kick his azz to the curb if he continues with his selfishness! You only live once and having a child is a natural womanly desire. Hope you don't mind asking how old are you and dh? If you are really young maybe he is just afraid.

 

bj - February 23

Have you set him down and really talked about everything? Let him know how you feel. Let him know your desire to be a mom. I agree that he is probably just scared. I hope everything goes well, and he sees how important this is to you.

 

jg - February 23

Remember why you married your husband in the first place. Even though I do understand your desperate desire to have a child, and the emotions that you are feeling are very understandable, I think it is far more important to value your relationship with your husband. I can't believe that people would suggest that you leave your husband over this - you married him for HIM and he is no doubt the same person that you married, even though he does not agree with you about having children at the moment. If you think you may have endo, then you could have that investigated and treated so that in a while if he does change his mind, then you will be physically ready to start trying. I would work on building up your relationship with your husband rather than resenting him, so that when you do have children they will have a happy mum AND dad who love each other.

 

bj - February 24

I agree with JG. If you turn on him, he'll never want to have kids. But if you love him unconditionally, he'll start to see how important he is to you. The love you show for him will speak louder than you threatening to leave. Well said, JG.

 

Ann - February 24

bj/jg, I completely respect both of your opinions and agree that the ideal situation would be for ughhhh's husband to change his mind. But, the decision to want to have kids or not is usually a personal choice and not something a person decides to do because they love someone else enough (or don't decide to do because they don't love someone else enough). Some people want children and others don't, and to bring a child into the world with a parent who doesn't want children would be unfair to the child. No one should agree to have a child they don't want just because the person they care about wants one. I think ughhhh's decision is really whether her marriage is worth the possibility that she will never have children. Like I said, I hope her husband changes his mind, but that is not necessarily going to happen from receiving unconditional love alone, unfortunately. I do hope the best for her, and good luck to both of you if you are ttc as well.

 

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