Marriage and baby making
26 Replies
Bidelle - May 6

I am not one of those people who looks down on others or prides myself on being a "good" person. I have a rough past full of bad decisions and short comings. Having said that, I am SHOCKED how many women on this site are trying to get pregnate with boyfriends, fiances or "partners" (not sure what that means). What happened to the commitment of marriage?? Why would we have a baby with a man who may or may not be around a few years from now, as if that would not be devestating for our child? I know even in marriage sometimes commitment is abandoned and parents go their seperate ways, but I am very troubled by our generation's lightheartidness toward bringing a child into the world with a man who has yet to commit his life to us. I'm not saying this to be insulting, but just to encourage women to give more thought to the big picture. Am I the only one who feels this way??


BeccaBaby1 - May 6

You're probably not the only one to feel this way. But I say let's keep this forum (especially "PROBLEMS getting pregnant") focused on encouragement. Let's all give each other an online hug and leave judgement to ourselves. Really, what is anyone going to change by putting others down?


erika62897 - May 6

i think becca said it right. i know you aren't the only one with those feelings...but again, this is a forum for women with problems looking for support from others with the same. i have found it more than helpful, especially since my hubby is currently deployed...and yet i am still working on the "home front" on making our family a reality.


LIN - May 6

Just because someone is not married does NOT mean they haven't made a commitment and most certainly does NOT mean that they may or may not be around a few years from now. That's just a silly and ignorant thing to say.


yumymumy - May 6

im married, but i agree with LIN. my parents have been together for almost 22years and have had me and my sister. they are not married and dont plan on it because they are not religous or feel the need to prove there love to a bunch of people just so they have a ring on a finger and a certificate. its not lightheartidness to bring a child into the world just because your not married. thats my opinion (doesnt mean teens should do it) im talking about if your inlove and a adult and want a child with your partner, then there is nothing wrong with that. getting married is a personal decision. i got married after my child was born. we had a small wedding and made it fun. i forget im married, i wear my ring when it doesnt irritate my finger because i get a skin rash from it and dh doesnt wear his ever because of his work. we dont care, we know how we both feel and thats all that matters. oh and absolutly nothing has changed in anyway since we have gotten married.its just a ring, and a peice of paper:) as you said bidelle, 'more thought to the big picture' it is just a picture.... it looks good but it depends on the 2 people, being married doesnt mean you love your 'other' more.


slowpoke01 - May 6

BIDELLE- this is 2007 there are many people (myself included who arent married). me and my old man have been together for 10 years. thats a long time for it not to be a commitment wouldnt you think? i choose not to get married because i myself was in a family that was broken. my mom and dad were married and had a "commitment" and both of them left, leaving behind all of their kids. i was raised by an aunt and an uncle. i dont believe that you have to be legally married to have a commitment cause as i have seen in my own life the "commitment of marriage" doesnt mean squat. it doesnt mean that the parents are going to be together forever. i have given thought to the big picture and guess what in Texas and other states there is a thing called common law marriage. if you live with someone for 6 months or a year in some places then you are legally married and would have to get divorced. i myself live in Texas so i may not have signed any papers or bought a $2000.00 dress, or invited 500 people just to prove that me and my old man love each other, but in the eyes of the state we are already married. by the way, we are on here for support and if you dont agree with what we do thats fine, either shut up or move on to a site that is more into the "old fashioned" point of view that you have. thanks.


pba74 - May 6

slowpoke...I think Bidelle was just making an observation and doesn't need you to be rude. She said clearly that she was not trying to insult anyone. Bidelle - a note to you - it is my belief that and only MINE that society has come to accept women bringing children into the world out of wedlock. I was not raised that way and feel that marriage isn't about a ring or certificate but about giving your word. A person is only as good as their word and to take that vow in front of family, friends, and God is what marriage signifies. I personally would not dream of bringing a child into the world without having made a committment to the man I love. That is only my opinion. I don't not think badly of those who make a choice not like mine because it is not my place to judge. I can only do what is right for me and many of the women on here have had different experiences with family life. I'm sure they have thought it through and are obviously planning. I wish for everyone on these forums to find great support and successful pregnancies regardless of their lifestyle. As women, we need to be supportive and encouraging to everyone on here because we don't always find that in our daily one--on-one lives.


Sonyamac - May 6

my thought about your post......this isn't the place to be sharing your views on what is a relationship? Marriage certainly doesn't make it! It is the committment that two people have!
Just my thoughts! You need to give a lot more thought to the BIG PICTURE!


slowpoke01 - May 6

PBA- you are right. i shouldnt have been rude, but i get tired of women coming on here and judging others and "making observations" and then saying i am not trying to be insulting. i was not raised to not be married. my aunt and uncle sent us to church every week, so my choice isnt because of how i was raised. i have made a commitment to the man i love, but i dont think that signing a piece of paper and wearing a ring shows that i have made that choice. i think that making the choice to stay faithful everyday and making the choice to stay in the relatioship whether it is going good or not is what shows a commitment to someone. i dont have a problem with anyone getting married thats their choice and i am happy for them. and you are right we do need to be supportive and encouraging to others and i am sorry for being rude, but i dont think that it is right for someone to start a thread like this when they know that it will cause nothing but bickering. anyway i am sorry for being rude.


jessiperth - May 6

as corny as it sounds....
adam and eve werent married.


pba74 - May 6

Slowpoke...everyone is entitled to their feelings. I respect yours and Bidelles, but one should not be afraid to say what they are thinking because of offending someone else. We all need to hear other peoples view points and reasoning. Are you ttc or do you have children? I am in the ttc stage after having 2 m/c..just want a healthy and happy baby. My dh had a rough childhood - medically speaking - and so my goal is to give him a healthy child. Good luck to everyone on here and may be set aside our personal issues to wish each other good luck!


slowpoke01 - May 6

PBA- yes we are trying been trying for 10 years. was on clomid 3 times last year the 2nd cycle had iui and hcg trigger shot and clomid and got pregnant but had to terminate because it was a tubal pregnancy. so we decided to take a break for a few months after the 3rd cycle didnt work and so we are going to start back this month. i dont have any kids and i feel the same as you just want to be able to have a healthy and happy pregnancy.


tonyaandjoe - May 6

adam and eve was married, you need to go back and read Genesis 1:21-25


AlisonG - May 6

I'd like to say something that I think wasn't mentioned yet reading over the last few entries. Bidelle, it isn't a MARRIAGE that should matter. It is the commitment to try and have a child together SO MUCH SO that the women are on these message boards seeking support. That is the key - these women are consciously planning their familes. Isn't that better than the many children we have on this planet that weren't planned for and whos parents may not truly be ready to accept the commitment both emotionally and financially to support them?

Let's give everyone on these boards what they came her for - SUPPORT. We're lucky here to know if someone on these Problems Getting Pregnant posts gets their long waited "BFPs" they are MORE than ready for this commitment.


Bidelle - May 7

Forgive me if even in my effort to not sound ugly, I did. I just sat next to a young girl in my history final exam who told me she has 2 sons from 2 different dads and ishe is dating a guy who has 4 children who are being raised by his grandmother. They are trying to get pregnant. I'll be the first one to say that marriage is about SO much more than rings and certificates. Having said that, I worry about a generation that's given up on marriage . It's not something I point at people in condemnation about; it's something I grieve about - I hope you all see the difference. There's nothing more I can say without getting cyper tomatoes thrown at me, so I will sign off now - and keep working on my book about the spiritual health of our nation :). For what it's worth, I care a great deal about women and families. God bless!


mommy2josh - May 7

Bidelle, I personally wouldnt have a child with a boyfriend or partner, but I have to say one thing. Marriage does not guarantee your child a happy childhood, nor is there a guarantee that it will last. I know plent of people who have gotten married and had kids and who are now divorced or separated. So that being said, one should have kids when and with whom they feel appropriate.


mommy2josh - May 7

PS. Take for example Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, who have happily been partners for over 20 years. And then there is Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger. Enough said I think.



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