just need to rant......
12 Replies
domesticgoddess - April 20

I've been at this ttc thing for over a year now. Thought "it" had actually happened last week...I was 2 days late. Was being the key work. AF showed up at last. To make matters worse, my sister in law just gave birth about 4 hours ago. Yep. While I feel happy for them (it's basically a miracle child) that bit of happiness is completly overshadowed by the horrible, small, petty, jelouse person that I evidently am. I thought I felt bad when they announced they were pregnant, but for the child to actually be here....and then they took the middle name I'd planned on using!!! Our dads name that died when I was little. God! I'm a horrible person! I don't expect anyone to comment or even care. I know you all on this post have your own baggage. I just feel so bad right now that I physically hurt and just want to crawl up underneath my desk and not come out. I had to get this out somehow and seeing it wirtten out makes it seem like its not about me somehow...that it's someone else.


NicoleM - April 20

You are not a horrible person - you are just a disappointed and frustrated person. We've been trying for almost 2 years and I feel the same way. I have cousins that seems to have a baby a year. They have wonderful families and I'm happy for them, but I catch myself thinking, "It's just not fair!"
So, don't be hard on yourself. You have every right to feel sad and angry and disappointed. You can still use the same middle name too, no law against that - it won't be awkward like same first names would be. Actually would be a great testament to your dad to have TWO grandchildren named after him.
Anyway, I'm sure I haven't helped much, but just want you to know you're not alone and I think you should vent all you need to. Hugs


domesticgoddess - April 20

Actually, you helped alot. It's good to have women who know EXACTLY how it feels each month. Babydust to you.


isa - April 20

i know how you feel I have one relative who is on her 2nd pregnancy since I started ttc and its hard. Neighbours too are getting pg left right and centre and you see them taking their kids out and it is hard. We feel for you. I give myself 24 hours for my own pity party every month when I find out either I am not pregnant or had another chemical pregnancy (just had my 3rd this month in the last 7 months). Re the name thing, if you have a child the same sex and you wish to honour your dad also go for it. There are no rules on naming in my books either, just like NicoleM said. If you have a girl go for a feminine name similar to your dads, to honour him. Vent girl vent it takes the stress off you which when ttc you dont want.


Staci - April 20

We are with ya girl! I have to attend two baby showers here at work in the next couple of weeks. They just came by and collected my money for it. I was like oh, joy! But of course, I have to hide it and be like that is just great! Oh, and then I found out another one of the teachers here is pregnant. Geez!! Some how when I first started working here, they heard me talking about TTC. They were like oh you just have to drink the water here and you will get pregnant. Well...Hubby and I have been trying for a 1 1/2, and this cycle is the closest we have ever come to it possibly being the one. Hang in there! Keep your chin up high and rant if you need to! All us TTC'ers who have struggled have been there! It doesn't make you a bad person at all, we just all know and have heard stories of people who have never been able to conceive. If we all knew that one day it would be us we won't have these feelings, but because we know there are no guarantees in TCC'ing, it just makes it that much harder!!


domesticgoddess - April 20

Its weird, before reading the things here, I felt so...tight...like I wanted to yell or cry or break something, but couldn't. Well, turns out its me thats breaking today. But its a good thing! It was so big I couldn't get it out and it was just sitting here, my stomach making me sick. I guess I just need a good cry. And I better get it out before I have to sit in a car for an hour with my mother on the way to see the new baby, who doesn't know I've been ttc since Dec. 8 2004 talking about how I should just "go to plan B" and start having babies of my own. Right now the only people who know are my husband (of course) and my best friend. But as great as they are, I've been feeling very alone lately and have actually been contemplating a little therapy. Well! That's the first time I've ever let that get out of my head. Anybody else feel this way and how do you cope? I'm at a loss. At the end of my rope. Am in fact ready to give up on the whole family thing. There are so many things in my head rolling around like so many marbles that I don't know what to do anymore. I know... I know.... I shouldn't give up hope but.....


NicoleM - April 20

Don't give up hope yet! Today is a very emotional day for you to be making any drastic decisions. Between AF and your brother's new baby, it's no wonder you feel that way. Therapy might be good, just so you have someone to talk to through all these emotional times. I live far from my family and dh doesn't really understand how I feel. Being able to talk to someone would be wonderful (that's why i'm here). Anyway, wait a few days when the immediate emotions aren't so strong before deciding to give up. I think you've just hit a low... many of us have been there, so we understand, but I hope you don't give up...


KDR - April 21

Hey domesticgoddess. You definately NOT a horrible person and not alone in your feelings. I feel the same way about my SIL and 3 of my friends getting prego at the same time. I really didn't want to be around them b/c that's ALL they talk about and then they start questioning me about when I am going to start popping out babies. I have only told a few people that DH and I are TTC. I feel bad about it and I don't want pity and plus I feel like it's no one's business. So, believe me, I can identify. I am very jealous of my friends w/ babies. It makes me sick. My DH asks me all the time why I am so jealous and not happy for these people but I just can't make myself be happy for them. Plus this clomid is making me moody and I cry at the stupidest things. This site is a valuable outlet for all of us and I'm thankful for it. I've seen a therapist before, not for ttc, but other stuff and it really helps you get your mind straight. I would recommend it for anyone going thru a rough time. Keep your chin up- we are all here for you! :)


isa - April 21

domestic goddesss here is another idea if you dont want to go to a therapist book a massage. I go to a massage therapist on a regular basis as well as a manual therapist (physio therapy) and they know my whole story b/c they have to know what my body is going through (ie: meds and not to do the low back during the 2ww etc) so they are great to talk to and they cant tell anyone so its also like a therapy session :)


nikki2204 - April 21

Hi domestic goddess, I agree with isa, I too get a theraputic massage once a month at least. It is more helpful than you think it would be. I understand what you are going through, I am in the same boat, have been tryingn for 3 years now just found out I had stage4 endo all this time!! I am now on Lupron shots to help....it's the worst nightmare....I mean, the emotional stress and heartache is ad enough, the lupron has horrible physical effects. Hugs and prayers to you!!


domesticgoddess - April 21

Well, it's not as bad a feeling today. I'm just a bit numb. I did see my nephew last night and he is wonderful. He's beautiful and happy and most of all healthy. It gave me a little hope that if my brother and sisiter and law could do this with ALL they had going against them, then so could I. What's everyone elses' story? I'm 30, married for 3 1/2 years and ttc with no kids yet.


nikki2204 - April 21

I am 29, married for 2 1/2 years but have been dating since high school. We've been trying since my miscarriage on our wedding day!!! It was the most emotional day I could ever imagine having...so sad, but so happy all at the same time. Needless to say it's been a difficult road ever since. We live in Ohio and I too am surrounded by family and friends who are getting pregnant left and right. Where are you from?


NicoleM - April 21

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today. The day AF comes is the worst! I'm 29 and have been married for 5 years. As I mentioned earlier, we've been trying for almost 2 years now. The worst parts (that I'm sure you can all relate to) are:
1. AF
2. Everyone asking for the past 5 years that we've been married when we are going to have kids

But I sure am glad to have found you all.



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