Just a need to Vent
2 Replies
peta-leigh - March 15

i havnt posted in here for awhile, but i really need to vent. My boyfriend and I are not actively trying for a baby. We have talked about it, but he is not yet willing to take that final plunge into parenthood, due to the fact that he doesnt think we are financially secured enough. I think that financially, we are ready. we bought a house 8 months ago, and have had no money troubles at all. At the moment we use the withdrawal method, which he knows is not 100% effective. I'm worried that he, or myself cannot have children. My period has always been weird but lately has been even weirder. the past 2 months, my period has only been really light, but lasting up to 3 weeks last month and 2 weeks this month. then i'm normal for 2 weeks, then i have my period again!. i'm looking at going back on the pill, just to regulate my af. but then i know that the chances of accidently falling pregnant is then miniscule, instead of the off chance of the withdrawal failing. argh! i've been fantasising about pretending to go on the pill but i know i cant do that. As much as i'd love a family, i cant go tricking him into it. It's just really getting to me. I feel as if, as much as i love him, if this really isnt what he wants, then i should just move on, and stop wasting my time with him. as he has known, for as long as we've been together (3 years, i'm 23, he's 26) that this is what i've always wanted. My boyfriend works away from home, and is away for 5 days, then home 5 days. I feel as if we are working so hard, for nothing. I get so lonely when he's gone, but i'm strong becuase i know we are doing this for the future. I feel as if i'll never be a mum. it's not fair. What is a future without kids?!!! Sorry for droning on, i'm just so pissed off right now. He's home tomorrow, and i know that if i bring it up, he's going to distance himself from me until i've forgotten all about it. Argh! Would you leave your partner if you found out they dont ever intend to have kids? if that's what you've always wanted and he knew that from the very start and lied about him wanting to have kids too?


linds99 - March 15

That is a huge issue you are battling within yourself. I'm not going to lie, but for myself, that was one of the first few questions I asked my husband before we got married, bought a house, got engaged, etc...becuase I always knew I wanted to have kids. When he said he did too, I knew I could proceed with him and not waste his time or my time and develop a relationship that would evolve in the same direction we both wanted it to. In my opinion, if you want kids, and no longer want to lie to yourself or him about it, you need to tell him that you have moved in another place in your life and come to the realization that you want children. You fairly need to be frank with him as soon as possible. Tell him you will give him time to think about what he wants, whether that is something he truly would want to (maybe he never really thought about havings kids before...I mean REALLY thought about it...most men don't). But your life and time is valuable and women don't have all the years in the world to wait to find a mate to procreate with and fall in love with, and I really don't think he should rob you of that dream. There are many men out there that are awesome, love family, want kids, make good money, etc....that would die for a women like you to have kids with. If this man doesn't want to have kids with you, or any woman, then obviously there can be no real happiness evolving from it because you may end up resenting him in later years for robbing you of this experience that I know for sure sooo many quality men out there would be willing to share with you if you found them. I am not judging your bf, he certainly has the right to make his own choices in life, but his choices shouldn't be YOUR choices, especially since you have an opportunity still to make your dreams come true. Good luck to you...take care of you and your dreams too, you can love bf, but don't forget about your happiness in the midst of it all. Your life matters soo much.


peta-leigh - March 16

Hi Linds. Thank you so much for your opinion. When we first started going out, i thought we resolved that issue. i told him i wanted children, and he agreed. a few months back we were on a very rocky road. we were arguing constantly, and were on the verge of breaking up. We had a very long, deep and meaningful talk, and one of the things he said is that he honestly doesnt know if he ever wants children and that it was my decision to stay or go with that knowledge. and it was so hard, becuase i knew that when we first started dating, that he didnt know for certain if he could actually have kids or not. I just tried not to think much of it, because i really liked him. and now, i do believe that he can have kids, he just chooses not to. he comes from a pretty twisted up family. his parents divorced when he was young, and had a pretty unloving life because of it, and doesnt want his children to go through the same thing. I mean, his mother tried kidnapping him and all that. his father is a real bushy and not very loving either. He's drummed it into the boys from a young age that women and kids ruin your life basically. I love my boyfriend, but i think i'm at that time in my life where i want kids now, not 5, or 10 years down the track. This sux, becuase i love my boyfriend so much



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