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hi there, I know its tough. We are on our 14th cycle of ttc. We our ttc our fourth and I know I am very blessed with 3, but we have wanted this 4th just as much as our 1st and it is painful when you hear about your friends and then see people pregnant and wish you were them and pregnant. Jealously is such a hard thing and being human it happens within us.. I try and not be, as I know it just creates bitterness in our hearts and steals are joy, but it is hard. When I wonder "why them and not me", I just rememeber God has a plan for my life and its all about His timing and know that He wants whats best for us always. Your time will come, don't lose hope and keep looking ahead. xoxox

Hi Ky_la. I know exactly where you are coming from\. This journey has been exceptionally difficult for me. As of this week I miscarried at 9 weeks. I am truly heartbroken but quickly recovering because what I know for sure is that if God can do it for some else, He can surely do it for me too. He is no respector of person...so in His timing (as my dear friend LM3 just said) He will bless you beyond measure with a healthy pregnancy and baby. For me, in my journey of ttc as in life, I have decided to look at the glass as half full. So, the next pregnant woman I see, a mother and her infant, my friends announcing their pregnancy, helps me to realize that my blessing is right around the corner. And what I testimony I will have and how grateful and thankful I will be. So, I rejoice right now because sooner rather than later the victory will be mine and so is the same for you. I said on another thread we must keep the faith...thenI asked what is faith. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, it is the evidence of things unseen. Right now, we might not be pregnant but our faith in God keeps us going and always gives us hope that one day soon we will experience the joys of motherhood. I will lift you in my prayers. I will be asking God to bless you beyond measure and to provide you with His peace that surpasses all understanding. May He keep you and your husband safely in His arms. Many baby blessings to you!!!

Oh yeah, one more thing. To walk in Faith is to speak those things as though they were even though they are not. So, I have been taking care of my body (taking prenatal vitamins, etc) as if I am pregnant. I want God to know how much of a good stewart of my body I am so that I can be blessed with a child.

Ky_la_02 -- I can relate to you 110%!!!! TTC is so hard and very stressful. I was so angry for a long time because every single one of my friends was able to get pg and I had the worst time!!! I was jealous and resentful to the fullest extent. DH was really concerned. I had to work through all of that with a therapist. It was so much to internalize. We had been ttc for well over a year. I am 32 DH is 33. We are totally healthy and all tests were coming back normal. So we decided to do laproscopic surgery in Jan. I had endometriosis. They removed it and also did a DNC. 2 months after surgery no luck and my FSH level came back at a 9 which is borderline high for someone who is only 32. So with that number screaming at me day in and day out we opted to plunk down the $$ for IVF. Financing all of it. I completely submitted to having the procedure down and worked on preparing my body for it. We were all set to go and had all the pre-IVF stuff done like bloodwork, saline ultrasound, mock transfer (that's when they do a practice round of getting the catheter up to the uterus to make sure there are no issues when it's the real deal). We settled up with the RE's office and were set to go to IVF education class to learn how to use the injectable meds and get our IVF schedule. For the hell of it I tested last Tuesday and saw a super faint line. I tested on Wednesday of last week and boom it was right in my face. So I didn't believe it and ran to the Dr's office for bloodwork. I got a call later that afternoon saying we were PG!!! Without IVF or any meds. I didn't even pay attention to where I was in my cycle last month because I knew we were going to move ahead with the IVF. Unbelievable!! I am still somewhat dazed. I only tell you this because I was so where you are and somehow made it to the other side. You will too. Have you gone to a RE for any testing yet? If not it's worth the time to go and try to seek answers. I wish you the best with ttc!

Thank you all so much for your replies. All of you have restored my hope. Thank you for your kind words and Lucky for your story of inspiration, I wish you all the best! God bless each of you!

I know it is difficult for all of us. Yes, I was very sad when one of our friends announced that she is pregnant. I was for sometime jealous. She has a child and treats the child so bad!! I just thought it is not fair...but hey, life is not fair. So just pray and wait!

I found out I was pregnant last Oct and was over the moon when I found out a good friend (whom I also work with) was 6 wks. Our due dates were 3 weeks apart and I so thrilled. Then I m/c. I felt anger and jealousy and didn't want to speak or even be around her. DH said it might help if I talk to her so I did and it did. I gradually accepted my loss and then had another m/c in Feb. This time I accepted it gracefully and stayed as positive as I could. I stayed involved with my friend and her pregnancy, even helping to throw her a shower just last month. I truly thought I was completely in control until this morning when i got the call she had had her baby early this morning. I have done nothing but cry off and on all day. I am happy for her...dont' get me wrong, but all the emotions of losing my baby came back and I realized I would have been 8 months pregnant right now if I had not failed. I truly believe God gives us what we can handle and by that we grow strength and deepen our faith in Him. I know someday I will be a mom, but in the meantime, I still get upset by everyone who is becoming a parent and leaving me behind. I sometimes get upset with women on this forum b/c they are upset they are having trouble getting pregnant with #2 or #3 or #4....when I haven't been blessed with #1. I know it is a horrible thing to feel that way and they all deserve to have more children, but I would just like a shot to have one baby. It will happen for each one of us, maybe not when we want it, but in His plan for us. God bless everyone

pba74 please do not say that you failed. I also miscarried in March of 07 I was 20 weeks pregnant with a girl and the sex u/s showed no heart beat. I went home and my Doctor scheduled a d&c for a couple of days later and that same night I ended up going into labor and delivering my baby at home. We were devastaed. During the time my doc told us I would start bleeding, but i never did. My DH called him several times to tell him I was in extreme pain and he kept saying to wait until I started bleeding, well my water broke and out came the baby it was horriable, but nothing i did, so don't think that was your fault. Everyone I know is pg right now sister in law, sister, Bff, several close friends, cousins and I am the only one who miscarried, and I am jealous. COMPLETELY JEALOUS!

Pba - it must be tough. I couldn't imagine what you're going through, but I hope you know you have friends right here. I understand completely when you said you get frustrated with the women on here who are mad because they're having troubles getting pregnant with a third or even fourth when we haven't been blessed with one. I recently found out that my sister-in-law is pregnant with her fourth child, and she's only 21. I know I should be happy for her, but at the same time, I am so frustrated. She complains because she's sick and what not, it's almost like she doesn't appreciate it anymore. Her youngest is only 6 months old, and she's says she's not ready to have another baby around, but then I guess they should have been more careful. I’ve always been a jealous natured person but it’s seemed to be suppressed and manageable when it did rise, but this last year with so many women in my life getting pregnant and leaving me behind I find myself getting mad with them and I know it’s not their fault, but like always it’s easier to blame everyone else but myself. I’m with all of you though, we’ll all get through it together.I wish you all the best.

Usually no. I love kids. I love other peoples kids. But we have been ttc for over 2 years. I have had 3 misscarriages (I was on clomid) . The hardest thing for me was a really good friend of ours found out she was pregnant a week after I found out I was, I miscarried...I'm happy for her family and wish them the best...but that sad little thought comes up alot...my baby would be a week older than theirs...and a few months ago I found out I was pregnant again...I miscarried...and now my best friend is pregnant, and about 4 weeks behind...so there's always reminders...don't be jealous though...I understand it's hard...REALLY hard, but one day, you will have a beautiful baby of your own, and all your feelings are natural...I wish you all the best...

Thanks Ky_la - I had an intervention with myself - LOL - I guess you could call it that. I am truly happy for my friend who just had her baby and I decided that I could sit around and throw a pity party for myself, or I could be happy for her in her time to shine. I decided to take the higher road and be happy. I'm actually planning on visiting her tonight, even though she wanted me to see her last night when she got home. I called her and insisted she take time to get settled in her house before accepting visitors but she really wanted me to come down...I compromised and said I would see her tonight. Does that make sense? Anyway, I feel very confident that this next time round will be my time. I'm losing the stress in my life (job change) and my bil (brother in law) is FINALLY moving out after 18 months. I celebrate my 1 year anniversary in June, dh finally got his car fixed - so now we have two cars running, and I'm really trying to keep positive. ..............RANDY, I'm sending you a bunch of baby sticky dust! maybe we'll be in the 2ww together and can share our good news............ Everyone else... lets stay positive together! Our time will surely come

Hello Ky_la_02,

You are definitely not alone in your feelings. My wife and I have had the same problem. We've been trying for over two years, she had the fertility shots, tried insemination five times, and guess what? You know the rest. So, we have officially decided to stop trying anymore. We haven't settled the baby issue as of yet, but I know for a fact every time I see a pregnant woman I get really upset. Mother's day in church recently felt like being stabbed with a knife. We both felt completely awful. The pastor talked about how much children were a blessing and so forth, and I couldn't help but feel we were letting God down. I guess what really upset me was that he didn't take just a moment to address those with infertility. My wife and I sat there crying. Well, children I guess are a blessing, but we certainly are not being blessed--and there's nothing wrong with either of us. You are not alone.

Hi eveyone, I felt soooo horrible reading this thread. See I have two handsome sons from a previous relationship( 7 & 9 yrs) and their biological father could careless about them. But I remarried about 1 1/2 yrs ago and DDH and I have been trying to no avail. I got very jeolous when my friends announced that they were pregnant and went on to having healthy babies. For a while I complained to God. Forgeting that I too, did have the experience of pregnancy, childbirth, nursing and holding my very own babies. while other's have not . For that I'm truly sorry for complaining. Just when you think you have it bad someone else has it worse. I guess I wanted a baby so badly because DDH had no biological children of his own, but has accepted our sons as his own.
I say this because I am thankful for the experience and ashame to have wanted more when others has none, so I leave blessings to everyone in this thread here today and pass on my baby blessings to everyone on this thread, who have not experienced the joys of childbirth. Enjoy your babies ladies and gentlemen and trust God at his word. THANK YOU KY_LA_20 for opening my selfish eyes. TBD to ya!!!

PBA74....Thanks so much. Best wishes to you also. I'm so glad I found this web site.

I'm sure we're all glad we've found this web site! It's so good to have people to talk to who know exactly what you're going through. Dh is getting frustrated with just thinking about babies, and I know I am too, but I'm not ready to give up at all... sometimes though, it seems like he is. I know my hope is coming from talking to the women and even some of the men on this site, maybe it would help if he had someone to talk to about everything besides me... but we all know how stubborn men can be about that. I just wanted to thank all of you for the inspiration you've all given me. Thank you all so much!! may God bless all of us - - and also our future children.

It does seem to get hopeless at times! And then we obsess about it so much that we get stressed. But it's better for us and our future baby if we don't...easier said than done!! It's hard, sometimes I cannot even sleep at night thinking about getting pregnant, then when I do get pregnant, I worry about miscarriages....just try to stay positive.