Its been a while....
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Hi ladies...
It has been a while since my last post. I needed a break from the whole infertility situation. I went off the femara and decided to get my head together. 2 months ago was my last post. I was absolutely sure i was pregnant. I even starting looking for how i wanted to decorate the nursery. Well to my surprise... I was not pregnant. My husband came home and found me out on the balcony in shorts and a tank top balling my eyes out. Well now i say there is nothing wrong with a good cry.... I should mention that it was 28 degrees outside and i had been out there over 2 1/2 hours. :) But after a long talk that night with my husband he told me that he thinks i needed a break and that we should just take a few months to get our heads together and regroup. Well its been a few months and i am ready to start trying again. I am on day 9 of my cycle and so scared to see what this month has to bring. Any one ever go through these times of just wanting to give up?
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Child please, every month I just want to give up. I did the crying thing in November, started clomid in December, had all kinds of PG symptoms, and still did not get PG. Got AF five days ago. Thought and felt I was at a breaking point, but just didn't cry this time. I was, and still am, too frustrated to cry. I have decided that this month I am going to obsess less and try to just go with the flow. Focusing too hard on this makes you crazy and definitely want to lose your mind. The disappointment was so overwhelming for me this month that I just froze up for a couple days. Didn't talk much, just felt like a total failure. I don't want to hit such extremes anymore. I will try to relax and focus on something else, while continuing my efforts. I've chosen exercise as my escape. I do hope things work out for you. I understand exactly how you feel, and trust me, so do the girls on the thread I am a regular on. You should join us on the thread called something like "testing on jan 8 or 9th". The friendships are awesome and they are such a smart group of women.
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everyone wants to give up. ttc isn't the fun some people, who don't have to try long, or hard, make it out to be. we have all gotten to the end of our ropes, and i actually thought i was pregnant this month, and got af HARD yesterday, but kept it inside. i think it's better that you got it out by crying, luckilly w/o frost bite. it helps relieve stress. sucks to keep everything bottled up. sounds like you got your head together, and i hope and pray this month is yours. you can't give up, till that beautiful baby is in your arms, and then you'll know it was worth the fight. you can hold me to those words ok? ((hugs))
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To Tracy and Sherry... I wanted to thank u for the kind words from both of you. Its still very hard to think what the end of the month may bring. To be honest i think trying to to concieve for a few months made me want it more. I dont know... its weird. I still glaced at the calendar and still checked my ovulation dates with the consistancy of my Curival Muscus but of course didnt let my husband know. :) I think it was because i had high hopes that maybe i didnt really need the fertility drugs or treatments and all i needed was a break. But I guess i can never really give myself that break until i am holding a baby in my arms and i know that all my efforts were worth it. I am definately affraid that i am going to lose my mind again and i am so scared of that heart breaking news at the end of each month. Thanks for the words of wisdom. xoxo to you both. :)
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You know, none of us wanted to admit that we needed help to get PG. Accepting it hard, but worth the humility in the long run. It took me a year to realize it just wasn't happening for me naturally at my age. Many try for like five years before getting help, but I'll tell you, of those who do get help, the PG rates are high. Keep the faith, and if things don't work with one doctor, move to another.
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