I need words of encouragement.. Bigtime..
14 Replies
chicks - November 8

Hi everyone.. I need to vent because I'm crying right now.. I'm so frustrated right now, I don't know what what to do. I can't believe that women have to go through this.. Been trying for 13 months.. When I was 17, had a never ending period, so I was put on the pill. Was on the pill for 11 years, then came off to try and get pregnant. Didn't get a period for 6 months with 6 cm cysts and the whole bit. I was DX with PCOS 7 months ago, so the doctor was testing me for hormone levels all along and just recently, I've been having ultrasounds, bloodwork, and post coital tests every 2 days, and now just within the last week, every day because he was monitoring my cycle. On top of me not ovulating and having all these cysts, I found out that hubby's motility is at 40% and the post-coital tests are coming up that he can't find any sperm in me (sorry if TMI). I've got a follicle right now, but it doesn't seem to want to release. So, as I was leaving the doctor's office today, the receptionist said, "I guess today I have to charge you fully.. Oh, but I guess he's not done with you yet, so I'll have to wait.." It didn't even cross my mind about having to pay for these procedures because it was never discussed (I've never been through this before so how would I know). Now I'm scared that I'm going to go in there tomorrow and get a $1000.00 bill or something which is quite possible which is something that I wasn't expecting. I'm so frustrated right now, I feel like screaming. I've already cried twice tonight because everything is coming down on me all at the same time (job, TTC, etc..) I guess I hit an extremely rough patch this evening and the ladies on this board are so helpful, I guess I wanted to hear from some people to make me feel better because right now, I feel like packing it in! Any advice is appreciated.. Thanks ladies and baby dust to all!


T - November 8

Hang in there. Definitely call your dr and ins. comp. and find out what everything costs. Most insurance will pay to find out why you can't ttc, but then won't pay for the stuff to fix it. If you have a follicle, it sounds like you need a trigger shot. And if you move to an IUI, that should help with the dh's motility issue. Are you on clomid or anything? It's time to get proactive and find out what you can do. Every option and every price. Good luck!!!!


Beth - November 8

Hey! I know what you were going through with the never ending period. I went through that, starting when I was eleven, and finally went on the pill when I was 18. I went for over 40 days straight at one time. Finally had a breaking point where I lost so much blood I had to go to the doctor's. I've been on the pill ever since, which is 6 years, but went off it at the end of last April, TTC. Nothing yet. I can't hardly ever get my husband to have sex because he's sick so much. As for the bills you're worried about, hospitals are very, very good about working out a payment plan. Don't let them make you feel guilty about it either. As long as you make some kind of an effort, they can't turn it over to collection. It sounds like otherwise, the doctor's are on the right track. I also agree with T's suggestions. Just remember that no matter what the cost is, it's worth it in the end. Just try to be up front with the doctor's office about needing to make payments. And if it does somehow end up on your credit report, anywhere you apply for something, they aren't supposed to use medical bills against you, like the regular credit score. Some places do, but they're not supposed to. I hope this helps! Hang in there! You're in the right place to get help. Everyone here seems to be very good, and very serious about helping each other.


chicks - November 8

Hi Beth and T! Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. I needed to hear something good today.. Just one of those breaking points! Yeah, I know what you mean about the never ending period. I had the one I was referring to for 8 months straight. Only one day off per month. Don't you just sit back and go, "geez, I'd like to be one of those people that can predict them.." LOL.. Anyways, the IUI hasn't come up yet, nor have I been on Clomid, or any fertility medication for that matter, although I definately want to try it. I agree with both of you, no matter what the cost, we will get what we want. I will definately look into the insurance for help with the costing. Thanks so much for the advice ladies! It's something I definately needed right now... Take care and LOADS of baby dust to you guys!


Molly - November 8

Hi! So sorry to hear you are going through a really rough patch. I know a little of what you are feeling, i have been ttc for 13 months as well. On Clomid - this is my 3rd cycle and waiting, waiting, waiting. I was the same as a teenager, on the pill for about 9years... All the bills - it's hard isn't it! You forget that you have to pay for wanting a baby! It really all does seem unfair right now, but just think - if you are down this low, things can surely only get better. If you have hit rock bottom, you can only go up, right? Hang in there, know that all the girls in here sympathise with you and completely understand what you are going through.... All the best!


Mega - November 8

Hang in there Chicks. I can certainly relate to your story as well. It's a bit similar to mine, the PCOS, issues with DH too (morphology in our case), I too have been trying for over a year. It gets tough, you'll have sucky days & more hopeful days. As for the financial aspect, I agree with T. Find out what ins. will cover, often lots of ins. co. cover the diagnostics but not treatment itself, though all policies tend to vary. If you're in the US, at least. It seems patently unfair doesn't it, that we have to pay for our babies while some people seem to sneeze & get preggo. What can you do?! I just think this means we'll appreciate all the good & bad times raising our kids more than the some. Right?! Good luck. It's expensive I know, but worth it. Hang in there! Take care of yourself today.


chicks - November 8

Hi Molly and Mega! Thanks so much for your responses.. I've been coming to this board for close to a year now, and it seems like everytime I come, I always get the support I need.. It was especially hard yesterday because when I was at the doctor's office, they segregate Monday's and Tuesday's for pregnant women, so everyone was looking at me funny because they all had big bellies and was wondering what I was doing there, so that was pretty tough.. I just found myself dreaming of what it would be like to be in their shoes.. Maybe someday.. Yesterday was a horrible day, but I've cried now, got it over and done with. Molly, good luck with the Clomid! That's something he hasn't given me.. You having any side-effects? How long have you been on it? Do you find it's drying out your CM? Mega, yes I completely agree that some people seem to sneeze and get preggo (I laughed when I read that).. And it just seems like our road is so much more difficult but I know it will all be worth it when we see those little faces and know that we are someone's mothers.. I know it will happen for all of us soon and I can't thank you guys enough for everything you've said to try and help me out of this funk.. TONS AND TONS AND TONS of potent baby dust coming to you guys! Good luck


helen - November 8

hang on in there beth i know its not easy but you have to believe we are all in same boat and are here for you. x


Molly - November 9

Hey! Glad to hear you are starting to feel a little better! i am on my 3rd cycle of Clomid and have only gotten hot flushes every now and then and also I have noticed the last 3 months getting long headaches on the days I have taken the Clomid. But other than that, all has been good. My levels on it have been really high, so at least they think i am ovulating - which is always a good thing! This month I have bought an opk and am starting testing every day from day 10 (today). Hopefully it will work and the Clomid doesn't effect the result. My cm is really confusing. I have been getting it, but it is never egg white... It will definitely happen to us, let's hope sooner rather than later!


Mega - November 9

Chicks, thanks, a ton & a ton of baby dust back atcha. Yesterday was a rough day for me too. My AF came, & it was after my first IUI, so I was feeling really confident & preggo and then the witch showed her ugly face. So, tomorrow I start Clomid & my 2nd IUI cycle. Yikes, being around prego women can be tough when you're feeling so down about infertility issues. I also like to fantasize about myself with that big ole preggo belly. You're right, it will happen for all of us. In the meantime, keep visualizing yourself pregnant. It's supposed to be a powerful tool. Glad you're starting to feel better now. Me too. Yesterday was my pity party (table for 1), today I have to get on with the show. Hang in there! Molly--what mgs. of Clomid were you on this cycle? If things go well, I start my 4th round tomorrow. Good luck. I hope you release a big eggie (or 2!).


Anna - November 9

Hey sweetie! I really feel for you right now! If you need to cry, my shoulder is here for you. I know it's hard, but keep your head up. Anything good is worth fighting for! Especially, a baby! I'm praying for you! *baby dust* to you!***


chicks - November 11

Hi Mega and Anna! Thanks so much for writing to me.. Mega, hang in there with your Clomid and IUI! I have a good feeling for you this time.. I know it will happen for you.. Yeah, maybe I'll keep thinking of myself being able to feel another human life moving around inside of me and knowing that I created it.. Maybe that's just the ticket to get me preggo! LOL! I wish it was that easy.. HA HA.. Keep in touch sweetie and thanks again! Anna, thank you so much for saying that.. I know that things feel so dire right now, but at least I have all my FRIENDS on this board who I can come and talk to.. I say friends because it's true.. We've never met on another, and it doesn't matter where we live, whether it be in Canada, the U.S., Australia, England, etc., we are always there for one another and it helps so many of us. Not always are we looking for answers to our problems, only someone to listen.. I guess I could give you guys an update.. I went to the doctor the other day and the bill wasn't anywhere near what the lady was leading me to think so that made me feel a ton better. Also, the doctor's not sure but he thinks that I may have ovulated 2 days ago. Hubby and I BD'd like crazy (5 days in a row, he works afternoons, so it was midnight madness.. ;-) so if I did O, I sure didn't miss it.. Just hoping for the best right now. I really hope that I get that BFP this month.. That would be the best Christmas gift I could get. But, I'm not jumping the gun though, I don't want to get my hopes up too high like every other time.. Anyways, I've rambled enough, thanks again ladies and all the best that life can offer to all of you! XOXOXOXO


Anna - November 11

chicks, what made your doctor think you O'ed? Can he run a test or something to check? I really hope you did and your bfp is not far behind! Keep us posted, ok? Good luck and my prayers are going out for you! *baby dust*


Mega - November 11

That's wonderful news, Chicks. I know you must be so relieved that your bill wasn't too unbearably high. And even better news about the ovulation! And now comes the fun part--right? The 2WW! If you figure out a way to not drive yourself too crazy during this 2 WW will you please let me know the secret?! Ha, ha, ha. My DH thinks I need to relax but he can't give me any helpful advice on how to do that. :) You're right--if only getting preggo was as easy as visualizing, we'd all be typing this with our big old preggo bellies. Ah well, what can we do. Thanks for the positive vibes about this months IUI. I'm back on the Clomid train right now. Turns out my DH has a new work schedule & there might be a timing conflict with my ovulation. I have to check with my RE & see if they could like freeze his sample (frozen pop!) if need be. It's always something I guess. I am determined not to worry about that til next week when I get my other u/s, then I can freak all I want. Have a great weekend ladies!


chicks - November 11

Hi Anna and Mega! Well Anna, the doctor was monitoring my cycle because he's not sure I was ovulating. So, he had me come every day or two to do pelvic ultrasounds, transvaginal ultrasounds and bloodwork to see if I had the surge of LH, FSH and estradiol that a woman is supposed to have if you're ovulating. So, he checked for all of that and noticed a surge, so he kept a close eye on me.. Which was great, because I felt so lost trying to figure out my cycle.. He's not 100% sure that I ovulated, he's only about 75% sure which is better than anything I've had before.. My right ovary is also smaller than it was to start off with and if I didn't O, both would have stayed the same size. So, that's why he's thinking it. These are just some of the reasons that he thinks that I O'd on my own. He was considering resorting to an injectible to make me O, but he thinks I did it on my own. So, now I'm on the dreaded 2WW! Wish me luck, because right now, it's going by sooooo slow.. LOL.. Mega, I was LMAO when I read about the frozen pops! Maybe that is the answer though if you think he's going to miss the cycle.. I just know that it's going to happen for you.. I'm just sitting here writing this imagining my big belly, just like you said.. LOL.. Also, as you may have read up earlier, I'm not so good on the 2WW either.. I've never really gone through this before because everything else was just so up in the air, that I was never even sure when or if I ovulated. I can tell you already that I hate it.. ;-) I've never known time to go so slow! Anyways, have a wonderful weekend ladies and we'll talk to you all soon! Good luck Mega with the next IUI and thanks again for caring! XOXOXOXO



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