I have massive guilt...
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About 7 months ago i was pregnant and was in a state of total and utter bliss. Here is what happened, i cought my husband with some magazines that were lets just say... not so lady friendly. I flipped off the handle and told him that if i M/C it would be his fault and that i would never forgive him. I have no idea why i said such a thing and the magizines where not even a big deal to me, however... about 2 weeks later i M/C. Suddenly what seemed like a total utter bliss turned into a world of horror and guilt. My husband and i have talked about what i said after that he understands that it was just about frustration. However, i have the massive guilt now and every day it bothers me as to why i would have said such a thing. I have not been able to concieve since then and i am starting to think it is all mental now. Any advise? or suggestions! (ps... my husband and i have always and still do have a great relationship, i just do know why i would have said such a horrible thing, he says that he shouldnt have had them to begin with and he just deserved whatever i said)
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 | K - November 7 |
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Chalk it up to hormones. But learn from that feeling and think about what you could have said. Good luck.
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I agree with K. Pregnancy hormones make us say & do & feel things we normally wouldn't. I'd also guess somewhere deep down you were afraid of the possibility you might miscarry, also very natural to fear. Anyway, I'm so sorry about the miscarriage. Is there anybody you can talk to to work through your guilt? A therapist maybe? Your best friend? Someone like that. Might help if you could talk it out with someone that's not your husband. Though it's very important that you two are working it through as well. Sounds like you have a very understanding, supportive hubby! Good luck.
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| ~S - November 7 |
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I am so sorry about your miscarriage. I am also sorry about having to encounter your hubby looking at those kinds of things. I have caught my hubby twice now, looking up stuff on the net. The first time I said some very strong words. I was not pregnant at the time like you, but in so many words I told him I didn't want to marry him and other very mean stuff. We were engaged at the time with less than 2 months until our wedding. So you can imagine it put a little stress on our relationship and I finally moved on past my guilt for saying the things I did and we got married. Then just a couple of months ago I went out of town for the night, couldn't sleep and drove home in the middle of the night. Here I come sneaking into the house at 4am trying not to wake him, and the Sh*t stands up buck a** naked apologizing. He just comes right out and spills the beans. He was in tears, and I was just like you little ****! Note it was pretty darn funny he doing all this naked! LOL But... I wanted to say so many mean things to him about how he was probably the cause of our infertility. That this "stuff" was why we weren't getting pregnant. That he lowered his sperm count on this kind of junk! Trust me, I was thinking every thing awful in the book. Unlike you, I wasn't a basket full of hormones and was able to control myself. The point is...forgive yourself. You were pregnant and hurt. Your hubby did something to break your trust when you needed him the most. He forgives you and still loves, so please try and forgive yourself. I know how hard it can be! I wish you the best and please try to find a way to let it go! Baby dust and prayers!
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