I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE!
466 Replies
me - October 21

I just went to my RE and they said I had a huge cyst bigger than the size of my ovary. You couldn't even see the ovary on the ultrasound. I was diagnosed with PCOS a week ago and have been trying to 9 months. I just feel like I am not even a woman. My hubby is fine and I am the problem. All I wanted to give him was a child and now I can't even do that! I feel like such a failure as a woman. I cried on and off for hours today and my eyes are so swollen. I just needed to vent. Thanks-

 

H - October 21

Hang in there. What are they doing to get rid of the cyst? Bcp? You are not a failure, it's just gonna take longer. You can do it!

 

jcr - October 21

Having or not having a baby doesn't make you whole, only you can do that! I know how you feel and it is sooo hard to stay positive. Concentrate on the good things your body does for you. There are soo many medical and natural things you can do to help. I have pcos also, I have 1 daughter 2 yrs old naturally...after SIX years of trying. And I had a m/c in April, which was also a natural pregnancy. I have been trying since then with no luck. I am trying the acupuncture way right now. It feels right for me at this time. Hang in there and don't be so hard on yourself. You are not a failure as a woman or a wife. It is possible to get pregnant and you have a diagnoses and well on your way to getting there. Are you on any meds? I did 1 round of clomid which gave me a cyst. That is why I am trying a more holistic approach. Hang in there! There are so many of us in the same boat it is nice to get support here and read stories. Take care and baby dust to all of us!

 

anon - October 21

Don't worry..u not the only one..My wife gonna ovulate soon, and I have no sex drive, zero arousal..TTC is like a dream far away now...I feel like a completely failure myself but I am seeking help..Trying to find solution to my problem.. :(

 

Justine - October 21

Me - i've read some of your responses on other posts and once you replied very helpfully to one of my questions too. so i just wanted to give you some of that support back and wish you good luck. i know you're desperately upset right now but hang on in there and take all the support you can from people around you. it's good to cry and to use this site to vent that's what we're here for. what did the dr say they could do about the cyst?

 

Justine - October 21

To anon - best of luck to you. i hope that you find the help that you need and that you and your wife have good news soon.

 

me - October 22

I was supposed to start my first round of clomid and was really psyched, but then my period was really late. I went in for my 3rd day blood work and ultrasound and they saw the cyst, which apprently did not go down after ovulation. I am not on any meds yet and they just said to wait until my next cycle. Since my estrogen is really low, like it should be during menses, they said it should just go down on its own. If not they will have to drain it surgically. I think I was mostly in shock that it was so big and that if my estrogens were high, I would have to do so much just to get me regular again. Thanks for the kind words everyone. I appreciate it!

 

jcr - October 24

me, I have heard great things about acupuncture and reducing cysts. I have been doing acupuncture for a month now. I didn't need to take prometrium to bring on a good healthy cycle and I ovulated this weekend CD16-17. Clomid couldn't do it for me. I am excited and hopeful that this will be my wonderdrug. It is a leap of faith but if it works... Good luck Baby dust to all. Goodluck Anon, I hope you find answers and solutions, you are not a failure. There is just as much stress on men and women, but men don't talk about it as much as us women. Hang in there and best of luck

 

me - October 26

I appreciate the thoughts, thank you. I am going in for my HSG tomorrow. Hopefully they will be able to see if the cyst has decreased in size or even see if it is still there. I still feel that is shouldn't be so hard to have a baby you know? We are bred for this dammit! I know it isn't anything I can do about it other than be proactive and do what the dr tells me. The good thing is that I know my body. I knew somehting was up the second my period was messed up. Oh well. We will see how things go. Thanks-

 

Justine - October 26

Me - good luck tomorrow. i'm hoping that you get good news that the cyst has gone. will you be moving on to the clomid then? i understand your frustration at not being able to conceive. i'm about to move into my 9 month ttc which i know is alot less than many women on here but worrying nonetheless as i'm almost 35. jcr - i have an appointment with my re in 2 weeks but i am also looking at exploring a more alternative route. i just bought a book called 'the infertility cure' by randine lewis which discusses acupuncture, herbal medicine and basically trying to get your body back in balance in order to help conception. i'm desperately hoping it's going to help and i have a very strong feeling that it will. baby dust.

 

jcr - October 26

Justine, that is an awesome book!!!!! I am almost 38 and my acupuncturist said "you are still young!!" that was a relief especially with Drs telling me I am getting on in age!! I tried one round of clomid 100mg and 1500 metformin with no luck, but this month with only acupuncture, herbs and metformin. I am ovulating now!!!!! I feel like I am getting more personal treatment with better results than with m RE. So I am really excited. Me, let me know about the cyst and good luck, again I think I have heard that people have had goodluck with cysts and acupuncture?? Justine good luck with the book and what ever you decide. Anon, I hope you are doing well. Have a great day!

 

Justine - October 26

jcr - i'm just thinking that it may have been you that recommended the book to me. i posted a question about a week ago asking for advice about acupuncture and someone recommended this book to me. was it you? anyway, i've started to read it and it's already got me very excited that i can take control of this and will get my bfp. also, i'm 35 in 3 weeks so i was also worried about my age but your comment about being 'still young' in terms of getting pg warmed my heart and gave me alot of hope.

 

jcr - October 27

Me, goodluck tomorrow I hope it all goes well. Put your sexy face on and get busy tonight. My old RE said cysts don't necessarily effect getting pg, I am not sure if he said that to keep me from hurting him or because it is true?! Hang in there I wish this whole thing was easier for all of us. I saw a new RE today, she was great. I was asking about opk's and temps and she said she was torn with them. They work and help, but they also remind us we are infertile every day especially us with pcos who never know when/if we are going to ovulate. So that makes sense to me. But I will probably continue to pee on a damn stick everyday. She was very nice and supportive. I am still sticking with acupuncture and herbs for another couple months. Justine, I am sure I responded to your thread, I am just so excited about what is going on. My tea is cooking right now and stinking up my house, but as long as it works. I had a bunch of blood work done today so it will be very interesting to see what comes back, especially with the chinese herbs??? Good luck to all of us and hoping for to be sick and tired in November!!

 

Justine - October 27

me - good luck today, we're all rooting for you and will be here waiting for you when you get back to hear how you got on. jcr - that is an awesome book. i had my eyes pinned open until 2am last night reading it and find myself becoming very optimistic that following her advice could be very beneficial - after all what do we have to lose! even if i still don't get pg i will get healthier and that's a start. that was funny what you said about brewing the tea as i was india a couple of years ago and had one course of acupuncture and was given some herbs in the form of tablets. they were the most evil tasting things i've ever had and in the end i threw them away as i couldn't stand them.

 

me - October 27

Hey ladies - my HSG is DONE! I think I wigged out last night and before I had it done basically because of the other posts on here :) To me, I popped some advil an hour and then a half hour before the procedure. I was more wigged out due to the shear anticipation of not knowing, rather than the procedure itself. The procedure was a bit more uncomfortable than a normal pap smear to me, and I normally freak out before them too. The only part that pinched abit was when the dye was injected, and I think it was more because I wasn't expecting it. The whole procedure was done in 5 minutes tops. No cramping adfterwards, so far... and the best news of all... CLEAR TUBES AND NO PROBLEMS!! WHOO HOO!! Now if I could just get pregnant... :) thanks for listening ladies! I am pumped up now, a bit different than my original post huh? WE WILL GET PREGNANT!!

 

Justine - October 27

me - that is fantastic news! you must be so relieved. ok so now back to the business of ttc...lol! did the drs recommend that you do anything else to try and help things along or is it now just down to good timing? once again that's great news and it's much better to see you so positive and excited again. yey!

 

me - October 27

Thanks Justine, you're sweet. As of right now, they are not going to do anything for this cycle since I had the cyst only a week ago. I was supposed to start clomid this month, but that is on hold until next cycle due to the cyst. :( I was SO looking forward to the clomid to help me out. They used this month as the testing month. My glucose test came back normal, so no Met for me. Hubby tests are all normal, from semen analysis to blood work. I can have sex tonight if I want to even though I had the HSG today. This month seems like it is timing only. Clomid begins next month, cyst permitting that is. If it doesn't go away in a month or so, then I will need to get it surgically drained. I will definitely try the acupuncture before I have the surgery. How about you? What are you doing to help TTC? Thanks again for the kind words. Who knows, maybe next month I will be wanting to vent again. Ah what a tangle web we weave when we are trying to conceive.

 

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