I don't know what's wrong with me....Really need some help.
19 Replies
DebbAlvarez - November 11

I've posted off and on for a while. I feel like I'm to a point in this whole TTC thing that I don't know what's wrong with me anymore. I'm going to tell my story and any of you that can offer any type of advice or thoughts, please do so.
I became sexually active when I was 16 years old. From that time I didn't always use protection and there was even a part of me that was excited at the thought of "popping up pregnant." Yes, I was immature and didn't realize the true meaning behind love or motherhood. Well, I was probably, geez....15 when I started getting my periods. At first, as far as I can remember they were regular. When I became sexually active there was a time I went on birth control pills. I guess after I went off the pill that's when my periods went crazy. At first for a couple years I would just be late a couple week, maybe a month. Then as time went by the longer it took for me to get a period. When I got married to my ex-husband at 21 I was determined to get pregnant. Went to the dr lied and said that we had been trying to a year. He told me that I had PCOS and it would be a miracle if I ever even got pg. I did one round of clomid after taking provera to start my period. After it didn't work my husband said he didn't want children at that point. I stopped seeing my dr. At this point I would go maybe 2-4 months without a period, so I was having anywhere from 3-6 periods a year. By 22 I was divorced because my ex became phsically abusive, a drunk, drug addict and I found out he cheated and got her pg. So, for several years I was alone in the sense I wasn't attached to a particular person. There were some men that I was sexual with because at this point my self esteem was so low and I just didn't care anymore. Then I met my husband now. I went to the dr and I was checked to make sure that I hadn't been exposed to anything.....because this man made me feel different and I just KNEW I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Well, it was understood from very early on that we wanted to have children. We've now been together for a year and a half and been married for 8 months. Oh, forgot that I had once went to another dr and had a pap come back abnormal, did a biopsy for cancer cells, but it all cleared up.... Anyway, saw a new dr last year, she refused to diagnose me with pcos although stated that I have some symtoms. My blood work was all normal except for my sugar being elevated. She was aware that I was on TNCare and my insurance was fixing to be cut. The only thing she did was give me provera to bring on my periods, never would give me clomid even after me begging. She kept thinking the provera would get me regular. I said, after a # of years of taking this, I didn't think it was going to get me regular now. Needless to say, I took provera for 5 months, had a period those 5 months, didn't get pg, my insurance ran out and now I have nothing. I can't even go to the dr because it's so expensive. I've tried ovulex, didn't work, but only took it for 2 months. Took fertility blend, didn't work either....but only took it for 3 months. Neither one even made me have my period. So, now I feel lost and hopeless. Every month I get cramps like I'm going to start, but I never do. I end up with all the symptoms of AF, but she never comes. I just don't know what all this means, I don't know where to turn. Does anyone have any adivce? Can someone please help me?



tk07 - November 11

i am not sure if you are in the states or not but there is always planned parenthood (or some kind of free clinic)and they go by your income.
i went there when i was 16 for bc pills and they were pretty good. other than that i really don't know, sorry.


Tenk - November 11

Ah, so you emailed me stating that you wanted to be friends and when I told you the email address that you requested you stopped making any contact with me...that's cool, but I have a question for you? Since you have NO insurance, and were on TNCare before that....if you get pregnant....how are you going to take care of a baby? I understand the aching need to have a baby, I'm there, but we can support or children. Now, I'm not saying that people that can't support their families shouldn't have children....BUT it's something to think about.


Tenk - November 11

Let me correct that, I'm NOT saying that if you don't have health insurance you can't have or support a baby, BUT if you can't afford to go to the doc paying out of pocket can you afford to get insurance on your own? AND now, if you can't afford to do either one of those then how can you support a family? Just curious?!?!!??


DebbAlvarez - November 11

tko7-Yes I'm in the states, in Tennessee. We have a health department here, so that's the route I'm probably going to take. I just found out they have some new programs and are able to assist women more than before...besides just normal paps and bc pills.

Tenk-First off, I didn't just get an email address and "run". I was without a computer for a while and have just got the other computer back up and going. Now, for your other hurtful comments. Just because my husband and I don't have money rolling out our you know what's.....that doesn't mean that we can't take care of a child. I don't believe God gives children to only those who are rolling in the dough. If Lord willing I get pg, my insurance will pick back up, for me and my baby. Other than that......no, we can't afford $100-$200 a pop each dr visit, plus lab, plus meds, or to pay for IVF's or IUI's and who knows what else..... Let me let you in on something that shows that "money" is not what raises or takes care of children always.... My husband is originally from Mexico, he has 9 other brothers and sisters, was raised without electricity and they had to conserve water. My FIL was the only one that worked as my MIL stayed home to take care of the family. Each child was fed, bathed, loved, hugged, told they were precious, schooled and each child grew up to be a kind and appreciative adult. There were 4 rooms total in the whole house, they didn't have heating and air. They didn't have the extra money either for insurance, but if one got sick, the money was always there some way in order to take of that sick child. My life growing up......My parents never had extra, but me and my brothers were taken care of and we always knew we were loved.
Just because a person is not sitting on a gold mine and just because they don't have the extra 1,000's up front for all the specialist care, doesn't mean they don't deserve children nor does it mean that they can't take care of them and love them. God Always Makes A Way!
I can pretty much guarantee that not all ladies on this board are in your position.....and there are probably several that are close to mine..... Money doesn't make this world go around....no matter what people believe....Love does. And although you might seem to disagree, no matter what my financial situation is, if God blesses me with my angel, then I will forever be the BEST mother for my child and God will help me so that our child will never suffer or want, but will Always be taken care of perfectly. "Vaya Con Dios Tenk....y espero que Dios pude ayudarte en tu alma.."
God Bless you Tenk and I hope next time you think before you speak. I'm not sure how you intended your posts to be, but for me to be on the receiving end, they were hurtful and made me feel like you were trying to say just because I'm not in upper middle class or high class, just becuase I'm "normal" and like so many other americans, especially those who have had their insurance ripped from them, that I don't deserve the miracle of having a child or being a mother or my husband being a father. You know, we're all here on this board for reassuance, and kindness, and support......I've never posted or replied to someone to try and make them feel bad. Anyone who has that desire to have a child should not have to go through this infertility mess......it's hearbreaking. However, I come to this board with hope, it's sad when someone here tries to eliminate that hope.


Tenk - November 12

If you would read the post again, you can clearly see that I was not stating you must be wealthy to have a child....we are by no means wealthy, but were not living off state funded insurance, nor are we bringing a child into the world for the taxes payers to raise. So if your on state assistance now and will be on state aid then, you will be living off someone elses hard earned dollar. I have family members in TN doing the same thing and I make the same comments to them as well. AGAIN, we are NOT wealthy, HOWEVER we work hard for what we have.


DebbAlvarez - November 12

We don't live off the state. I had TnCare before because my job didn't offer ins and I paid a portion of my ins....co pays, precriptions, etc. I have never lived off the state because of laziness (not saying that is what you said, just making a point) ot because I was unwilling to work for anything. I accepted TnCare because when I turned 19 I could no longer be covered under the ins of my parents. When I got a better job then I remained on TnCare because I was going to college too, then once out of college, my position now is wonderful, but only 25 hours a week and my other is as an independant translator, so I am still not offered insurance. When I was able, in the past while having TnCare, to afford to pay on insurance TnCare agreed to keep me on it, but I just had to pay for it. For me to take out insurance including what I NEED, then I'd have to pay an extra $400 a month at least. I hope that my job will eventually offer me insurance, but if not, and if blessed with a child, I could still get insurance for my child and for myself and PAY for it like before. So, that way.....I'm not living off no one. My husband and I both work hard for what we do have. He works 6 days a week up to 15 hours a day and I work at least 35-40 at work and then in the home, plus taking care of my parents. We help my parents financially as well, my father has cancer and my mother has a heart defect and if it wasn't for us they'd lose everything. I refuse to see my parents lose everything at 70 and 64 years old. So, see.....my situation is not as simple as it seems. I don't know how much longer I have with my father, but he wants nothing more than to see us have a grandchild for him. My parents understand that sometimes it's a strain on us financially to take care of two households, but we wouldn't have it any other way. I'm not giving up on them because they never gave up on me. So, no matter what you think, I've never lived off anyone. I've never taken advantage of TnCare, I paid for my insurance through them and if that's the route that I would have to take again, then I would because that's not living off you or anyone else. Sometimes situations are not just black and white, they are times where there is a gray area......meaning: things aren't as simple as they seem. I didn't ask my question to be judged. I don't judge anyone because #1 I have no right, only God does, #2 I don't know what's going on with them behind closed doors..... I asked my question for support and for answers as to what could be going on with me.......somehow it was made into, "Since you have NO insurance, and were on TNCare before that....if you get pregnant....how are you going to take care of a baby?""I understand the aching need to have a baby, I'm there, but we can support or children.""BUT if you can't afford to go to the doc paying out of pocket can you afford to get insurance on your own? AND now, if you can't afford to do either one of those then how can you support a family? ""we are by no means wealthy, but were not living off state funded insurance, nor are we bringing a child into the world for the taxes payers to raise. So if your on state assistance now and will be on state aid then, you will be living off someone elses hard earned dollar." Once again, we're not on state assistance and we live off our "hard earned dollar" just like you. We don't ask for handouts....never have, never will. We work hard and we take of two households and by all means, we can take care of our child if the Lord blesses us.


Tenk - November 12

Ok then I guess I just don't understand, you said you paid $400 for TNCare, but you can buy private insurance for less than that a month with low copays and little to no deductible. And you stated that you could not afford to even go to the doc in the above paragraph...that's what led me to the conculsion I had. I think it's great if your taking care of your family, but you did state in your original question stated that it's too expensive to go to the doc. GL to what ever you decide to do!


DebbAlvarez - November 12

"For me to take out insurance including what I NEED, then I'd have to pay an extra $400 a month at least." This means if I were to take out private ins it would cost this for what I need....not what I paid for TnCare. And concerning my family, I didn't think that it was neccessary for me to include them in my question/post.....simply because my question was never intended to be about my insurance/financial situation..... more of, what sounds wrong with me, concerning my infertility issues.....what direction should I turn to regarding my infertility treatment. I believe that you took it upon yourself to read into my post and comment only on my financial situation and my insurance situation. You know, when it comes to women (including us) that have to struggle with infertility, sometimes kind words is what they/us need to hear. I work in the medical field actually. I'm a patient eligibility specialist. Ironic, but I assist those patients who don't have insurance....funny that my own company doesn't offer it to me.... However, I love my job and wouldn't walk away from it just for something that offered ins and end up hating the job itself. I pary that one day my job will offer insurance, but all that said, my job fulfills me. Maybe from what I have to go through in my personal life and for the help I give people.....it makes me have more compassion. There are people in the world that are in a terrible situation, not because they put themselves into it, but unfortunately that's how the cards were delt...... Sometimes it's easier said than done to get out of that hole. Do people in this situation deserve any less? I think not, they deserve just the same.
Maybe I sound offensive; I probably am. Maybe it's because on a daily basis I see how the world treats those individuals who don't have "as much" and it hurts me to my core. Maybe I was naive to believe that when I posted my question someone would respond with guesses as to what's wrong with me, support of what I'm going through as well, possible answers.....different treatments that I might want to look into....research that I might read.... Basically something uplifting...instead of, "Since you have NO insurance, and were on TNCare before that....if you get pregnant....how are you going to take care of a baby?: And many more quotes that I felt were a little harsh, at least to take on my end. I see other people that post here that get great support and I yearned for that as well. That's all I wanted.....sorry it was such a great inconvienance to expect a kind word. No matter I'll still pray that great things come to all of you.... Vaya con dios pero espero que todos aqui miran en los ojos del dios y sentir el amor. Tal vez proximo ves cuando una persona necesita ayuda ustedes pueden ofrecer una palabra agradable. -me voy- Deborah


J.D. - November 12

hi deborah,i'm jen. i know where you're coming from about the insurance,my job doesn't offer it either,so i have been paying out of pocket and i know it is soooooo expensive.i'm in the process of getting a better job right now.anyways,we've been trying for almost 4 yrs and i've done 9 cycles of clomid and it really messed me up with the side effects and everything.dh's lab results came back fine.after the first of the year i will start iui's.i have never taken ovulex or fertility blend so i can't help you there,but have you tried taking birth control pills again to get your periods regular?i've never tried this myself ,(old faithful comes like clockwork for me....lol...) but i've talked to other people that take them so they can get regular.well,i'm sorry you haven't really gotten a kind response except for tk,but i'm here if you ever want to talk.


Tenk - November 12

I have a right to comment on something like that...I was a single mother for a very very long time, and not getting any kind of help from anyone...no break from the kids, no support from the father, and instead of going on state aid I worked my ass off to get back on my feet...so I know what it's like to cry myself to sleep worrying about how I will pay the next bill and if I can feed my child(ren), but I pulled through it and put myself where I am today...I am married today as well to a wonderful man whom I have had 3 more wonderful children with. The last child of which passed away in March of this year. So I know struggle and I know heart ache, and I know success as well. I'm just saying, I wouldn't have had children at all if I couldn't take care of them. Obviously I had no idea i was going to get divorced from my first husband. And you are obviously NOT taking advantage of state aid, you said it yourself. So pardon my ignorance.


tonyaandjoe - November 13

some people says prevera i think is how you say it regylates yourself. i too am from TENNESSEE, nice to have someone in here.


DebbAlvarez - November 13

Thank you J.D. for your response. It's nice to receive a post with kind words and some advice. I had thought about going on bc pills, but my mother has a heart defect and back years ago she took bc pills, got pg w/ me and then ended up with a blood clot in her lung.... I guess now that I'm older I think about things like that....what if it happened to me?? I don't know.... I'm going to try to get in to our local health dept next week and I'm going to ask about it and see what they think. Who know, might just do the trick. I feel that if I could ever just get regular, then my husband and I would be able to conceive... I don't know why I have that feeling, but I do... I'll let you know what I find out this week (if I can ever land an appointment...heheh) btw, thanks again. I really needed a kind word. :)


tonyaandjoe - November 13

deborah, the way that i see it if you need assistance its there. i don't agree with people stealing from the government and by all means i am not saying that you do that.but i have worked my whole life and so has my mom, dad, sister, brother, and inlaws, and if for some reason i need help don't think i won't go ask for it. there is a lot of people that is out there that does not need any kids but for some reason GOD gave them kids.its not for us to figure out but he knows why.he gives things to good and bad people. HE has no respect of persons. so keep praying GOD will answer your prayer. it may not be know or a month or a year but in his own time he will answer you. HE is never late HE is always on time.Good Luck.


DebbAlvarez - November 13

For Tenk: (last response)
You know what, yeah, you're right...you do have the right to comment. You have the right to your own opinion. You even have the right to think it's "ok" to judge someone else.... I also have the right to fulfill my dream of being a mother, no matter what you think. I have the right to put my trust in God and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that HE will take care of me and my family. I have the right to take care of my elderly parents to the point to where, yes, it hurts financially at times, but that's family and there's no other explanation that I need. My bills are always paid, on time, EVERY month. Food is always on my table, lights are always on and there's always running water. Maybe you have the wrong idea about my life....I don't....but yeah, you have the right to your imagination. I'm successful in my own right. I have a great job (don't get ins, but it's fulfilling) I make a difference in people's life's every single day and that's a great feeling. I didn't write my post as "poor pitiful me" because I'm not poor, nor am I pitiful. I'm rich beyond your wildest dreams....and you wanna know why? I have salvation from my Heavenly Father, I have an Amazing husband that I adore and who adores me and I have a Wonderful family. And you know what? If the Lord blesses with a child, He knows that my husband and I are working ever so hard to take care of two households....HE will make a way for us. No matter how you feel or what you think, We know we can take care of our little angel. So, since you don't walk in our shoes, pay our bills, put a roof over our head or set food on our table, then there's no need for you to worry, nor judge. We're not living off you or anyone. Like I said before, never have, never will. I'm sorry for your loss, I really am. However, turn yourself into an inspiration, not something that carries a chip on their shoulder. I know that your grief and your hurt is tremendous, but don't try to hurt other people.....uplift them.... That's what Jesus Would Do. God bless you / Vaya Con Dios - Deborah


DebbAlvarez - November 13

tonyaandjoe - thanks for your response. Unfortunately provera never worked to regulate my cycles... :( It would work for that particular month, but that's it... I might try and do like J.D. said and try birth control pills.....anything is worth a shot at this point.... ya know? As far as the "assistance" goes.... I'm going to get in to our local Health Department. I can pay to be seen there, but it's not up in the 100's of dollars like everywhere else I've tried. So, we'll see what happens. They've even started to do some minor fertility treatment there, so, who knows? I'm going to keep praying because I know God is still in the miracle business! I know He will one day answer our prayers. God bless! Vaya Con Dios! - Deborah


J.D. - November 13

hey deborah, you might want to ask about alesse,it's a low-dose birth control pill.it's the only one i could take and it wouldn't make me sick.it might work for you and not give you the side effects like blood clots.



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