how do i keep going?
4 Replies
Tink - November 21

i am at the end of my rope. one BFN after another. now i have to sit out a cycle due to a cyst. i just had a lap a month ago. how can it be so hard? i've done 7 months of fertility treatments, including 3 IUIs and a lap and many months of clomid. still nothing. no reason either. i want two children. i can't even have one. i'd give anything to just have one. how do you keep going? i just want to catch a break for once. i think i deserve a break and yet my prayers are never answered. my ins runs out 12/31 and i lose IUI coverage. i have to pay OOP with my new ins in January. IVF costs $12k per cycle about, i got pricing today. i just need a little boost. how do you manage through? i am usually strong, but having to sit out, just was the last thing i needed. i know it isn't a big deal, or shouldn't be....but i had all this momentum.....i was hopeful for this time.


HeatherP - November 21

Tink I am so sorry that you have been disappointed again! It is so painful to see those BFN's! I do know how you are feeling. I was right where you are just a couple of months ago. After trying for over a year and half and having 2 early miscarriages, I have moments where I just want to scream and give up. I am on my 6th month of fertility treatment (4 failed IUI's w/ Clomid and 1 failed IUI w/ injectibles) and just finished my first IVF last week. I know what you mean about the cost! I can't even imagine what I am going to feel like if the IVF doesn't work after spending $12K! Luckily I had some help from a family member because my insurance didnt' cover a thing. I also had to sit out a cycle because of cysts and I know it seems frustrating but it was actually nice to have a month off and regroup and to prepare for the IVF. I NEVER thought that I would consider IVF this soon but I am tired of seeing BFN's every month and decided it was worth the money to do the treatment with the best odds. I was able to transfer 3 embryos last Sunday so I am hoping that at least one will stick! ( : I also see a fertility counselor that helps me process my feelings and helps me with relaxation techniques. I can't tell you how much that has helped me get through these last few months. She was especially helpful since she was an OBGYN/Fertility nurse prior to becoming a counselor so she was able to help me in my decisions for treatment options. Do I remember that you live in the Dallas area like I do? Again, I am so sorry that you are going through such a rough time. You just have to try and keep putting your focus on the next cycle. Take this time to consider what your next best option should be and try to enjoy the holiday. I promise taking a month off is very beneficial for your body to recouperate from all the fertility treatments. Wishing you lots of baby dust and sending you a big hug! Let's keep in touch. Sincerely - Heather


Tink - November 21

Heather, thanks for the pep talk. i usually don't cry, but i've had to try not to break down all day at work today. yes, i am in DALLAS, where are you exactly. I live in Plano and work at 635/75 (texas instruments campus). I see Dr. Douglas in plano- where do you go? I am almost to your point- since we might get in one more 'covered' IUI, we might try that end of December, but after that, it is on to IVF if i have some financial help from grandpa (find out this week). So you just did hte transfer last week? so you are in the 2WW now? I'll think of you and pray for you for a BFP. how did you decide to transfer 3? that would be hard for me to decide. I don't think i could handle three, but i actually want twins. Do you mind sharing what all you went through- what drugs you took and how much they cost? I have costs on the IVF itself, but not on the drugs. any info is helpful, since you are in the same area, pricing is probably similar. i appreicate the info and pep talk. i am sure i'll get it over it by next week and settle in to having a month 'off'. i just had a lap in october, before this iui/injectable cycle so i hate that i missed oct and now this. i wish you lots of luck- and yes, please stay in touch----you can email me at [email protected] if you want, since we live in the same area and seem to have similar experiences.


Lchan - November 22

Two years I felt just like you do today. I didn't think I would ever have my own baby. I suffered a m/c, underwent 9 unsuccessful IUI's, a failed adoption. You name it, it didn't happen for me. My husband finally said he'd had enough - The stress and heartbreak was too much for him. I begged him to try just one more cycle (I think I said something like, I'm doing one more cycle with or without you.) and I became pregnant. We now have the most beautiful 7 month old boy that just amazes me all the time. Our son is the center of or world and we can't imagine our lives without him. My husband thanks me all the time for not allowing us to give up. The reward of having our son in our lives totally outweighs the heartbreak we endured for so long. I would do it all again in a heartbeat. My fertility dr told me something during one of my visits, and I would remind myself this all the time - I will have a baby someday, somehow. I would say this to myself whenever I felt down. Stick with it Tink! The infertility is heartbreaking, but man-o-man, hearing your little one laugh and then reach out for you makes it all worthwhile. It will happen for you, someday, somehow!


HeatherP - November 22

Yes, I am in the dreaded 2 ww! Transfer was last Sunday and my first blood test will be next Thursday, Nov 30th. So nervous!! I live in Coppell but I work in Addison. The fertility specialist I see is Dr. Jerald Goldstein. He works with Presbyterian of Dallas and Presbyterian of Plano. The Dallas office is usually where I go for u/s and b/w. (off of 75 and Walnut Hill) He has great success rates with IVF and Presbyterian is one of the best in the country when it comes assisted reproduction. The whole process of IVF takes about 6 weeks. The RE and the Embryologist along with you and your husband will decide on how many embryos to transfer. It all depends on how many you get and the quality you get. They give an orientation at the hospital to show you how they grade the embryos. Since we only had 3 embryos that made it and we were doing a 3 day transfer instead of a 5 day, the doctor didn't recommend transferring 2 and freezing 1 which is what I had initially planned. Only about 50% of the embryos will make it through the thawing process. My doctor didn't think there is much risk that all 3 will stick which is why I decided to trust his judgement and go with 3 instead of 2 as planned. I think it is only like a 3-5% chance of all of them making it. I am also hoping that I get twins! As far as the medications, I used a prescription drug company called IVP Care for all my medications. They are based right here in Texas and will deliver the medications to your home or office. They are much cheaper than going to your local pharmacy. Dr. Goldstein set me up with them. I spent a little over $3,000 for medications. The entire IVF cost me a little over $12,000. Here is the breakdown: $4,000 to Dr. Goldstein which covers ultrasounds, bloodwork, egg retrieval, transfer, and 2 beta tests; $3250 to Presbyterian hospital for the egg retrieval, transfer and embryo development; $600 for anesthesia for the egg retrieval, plus we did a procedure called ICSI where they inject the sperm directly into the egg and make them fertilize. This cost us $1,275. My DH has a low sperm count so we were recommended this procedure. So the total was $12,125. The medications I was prescribed were Lupron, Repronex and Follistim. Not sure of their indivual costs. Then after the transfer I have to take baby aspirin and progesterone injections daily until the beta test. If I am pregnant, I will continue the progesterone shots for 4 more weeks. I was scared to death of all the injections but they weren't near as bad as I thought and less side effects than Clomid. If your husband can do them, it really helps. Let me know if you need absolutely anything. I will be glad to help! Hope you have a Happy Turkey Day!



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