Feeling very lost and confused, what now???
155 Replies
mg - January 5

I have no idea if I am ovulating or not, thats how we got into this whole mess. I went to the MD to start Clomid, and my MD said we needed a SA first. I had an ultrasound a month or two ago, and everything looked fine-I had great eggs!. My Dh is not on any meds, he a big vitamin person. We have great insurance, but like most they just dont cover fertility treatments. I just feel SOOO depressed about this, I am angry towards others and my DH, its like he handling this so much better then me, and it just makes me want to beat him (LOL), I feel like he is the reason we are in this mess, and should at least show some emotions!! I am so mean, I feel terrible. I just heard Britney Spears is pregnant again, I about had to pull my car over to puke. I am a researcher in Molecular Biology, I should understand everything and really trust science-yet I have never felt so hopeless before in my life.


Ann - January 5

mg, don't feel bad about being so frustrated! I got even madder, because my dh doesn't express emotions the way I want him to!:) I would tell him that he just wasn't upset because he already has a child from a previous marriage. For the first year at least, my dh would tell me nothing was wrong, even though I knew there was. Now that we have been ttc for a year and 9 mos, it was just this last time that he expressed anything when I got a BFN. It was such a relief to me to know that he was upset. Is that twisted, or what?? Vent all you want!! The board is the perfect place for it. Have you scheduled your next semen analysis yet? I saw a formula today where you take the get the total motile sperm. Total motile = (Volume of sample) X (Concentration of sperm) X (motility.) This is the number that they want to be 5 mil (like dea mentioned 3.5 was ok with her dr). You might have already known that, but I didn't and thought it was interesting!


dea - January 5

Good Morning MG & ANN: My DH never showed emotion either. A lot of the times I would talk and talk and it seemed like he would just nod his head to get me to stop talking. Finally- one day (after 18 months) he told me he feels terrible about the problem being with him. It think it was very hard for him to accept. He gets frustrated, (I think sometimes more than me!) about all the people out there getting PG that aren't doing what they should to be good parents. I didn't realize that he gets his hopes up too every month. When I would get disappointed it was like he had to absorb all of his sadness so that it didn't multiply mine. Men can be very fragile about their egos. It's very tough on their "maleness" when their counts aren't where they need to be. MG: Call your insurance co. directly and ask them what they cover...that's what I did. And remember to write everything down- who you talk to, when and what they said. That helped us figure out how to do/arrange things/appointments. ANN: what is your story?? Age/fertility issues etc... It sounds like you and I have been ttc for about the same amount of time. I'm 32, been married a bit over 2 years. DH and I went to HS together but didn't start up with dating until 12 years later! Although- I did have a HUGE crush on him for 5 years!!! Destiny/Fate/Kismet is weird! But I am happy :) Now we need to get this baby thing going! ~~DUST~~


mg - January 5

Dea and Ann I dont know what I would do without your help , you are such a great support. Our appt is on the 11th, I asked him about it yesterday, and he like oh I forgot, I thought you canceled that. I could have just killed him. I am sure he will get it off work and go, but its so frustrating becouse this is our life, and he should be alittle more intune to whats going on. I even asked him if he wanted me to cancel the appt, and he didnt say anything, I told him hes a self centered butt head. Why is he being like this? Does he really not care about this?


Ann - January 5

mg, I think your dh is probably just scared that the results will not be good on his second SA. I am sure he cares and wants a baby, since you guys have been trying for a year now. Has he been more "involved" in the process up until now? What are your other "stats" like dea put? dea, my story--dh and I have been together for 6 years and 8 months, married for 2 years and 4 months, and ttc for 1 year and 9 months. Sorry for the "exactness." I am a cpa and tend to be too specific.:) I am 36 and dh is 37. I am worried that waiting to have kids might have hurt my chances, but I wasn't "ready" before. Nothing I can do about that now! I have taken the blood test to confirm ovulation (am ovulating on my own), had my fsh and estradiol checked (both normal), had the hsg (tubes are clear), and my dh had the semen analysis (last one had 300mil with 75% motility and normal morphology, but I don't remember the number). I did have endo that the dr said was "mild" and shouldn't have affected my fertility, but I had a laparoscopy and it was removed in September 2005. I also have two fibroids (dr thinks they are not in a spot to affect fertility either). SO, I have absolutely NO idea what the problem is. It is very frustrating to not even know how to target the problem!! I have just been going through my ob/gyn for the clomid and iuis (4 clomids so far and will have my 3rd iui tomorrow). Last month, I had 3 follicles (28, 27, and 21mm) and I STILL didn't get pg...so depressing. What is the rest of your story--how long ttc? tests/results? what are you doing for treatment? Good luck, ladies!!


mg - January 6

I am just SOOO mad at him right now. He is beening such a *^^%&%^!!! He got all snotty in the car saying thats all I ever talk about or care about. Things got nasty and now we are not talking, he says his blood pressure is much lower by not talking to me, so I told him it might even be lower if I shove my foot you know where. Why is he acting like this, does he not really want kids, if he this is stressful, how is he going to handle fertility treatment? Maybe this is just a big mistake.


d - January 6

Hi mg, sorry to hear that you and dh are struggling in a few things right now. Mine got the same way last week. It wears off. I know it is the pressure that we put on them. I am sure he didn't mean what he said. Mind you he is as frustrated about ttc and nothing as you are. As i have said on other posts. No man knows what it feels like to be in our shoes. Now from what you wrote above it might be he is having a hard time accepting that there are potential issues with his sperm count. I truly wish you all the luck. I am here if needed. So far dh and I have not gotten pg. I lost count of how many months. Dr says I am fine.DH is the next one to go to the dr's. But i am trying to talk him into wearing boxers for a few months. ----------------------------------I am sorry i cannot tell you more. But i am sure it does bother them (dh) a lot , and they just don't say how much and they try to walk away from feelings. Mine keeps repeating every month. "its me and it bothers him soo much...i can see it. Hope my little note will help.


mg - January 6

I talked to him last night, he seemed more humble then before. I guess we are both very frustrated.


dea - January 6

HI Everyone. MG: I have learned that the less I talk/push the envelope- the better. However- I would have a serious discussion with DH. I would ask him "Do you want a baby?" "What are you willing to do to get one?" Because right now- what's going on hasn't been working. It's time to move forward. My DH hates to not be in control and the sperm count killed him. So- once we figured out what to do about it he felt MUCH better. And- so did I. ANN: I am 32- DH 33. We have been married 2 yrs, 3 months. TTC for 19 Months. I've had an HSG- all fine. DH have low counts (Usually under 5 mil) He also has bad morphology. But- his motility look ok! So that's something. We are waiting to see if his meds effected him. This month we are going au naturale and if we don't conceive we are going to do another SA to see if it was meds messing up the sperm-- if it osn't- then back to IUI we go. I had one done in Nov. But it was poorly timed. I'm not on any meds and haven't had any blood done. Just keeping fingers crossed for this month! ~~DUST~~


Ann - January 6

Hi all. mg, I am glad to hear things are going better with your dh. When you talked to your dh, did he open up any? dea, I really hope the change in meds helps and your dh starts producing lots of fishies! Is your dr optimistic that she will be able to help you get pg?


mg - January 7

Ann and Dea read the post called this says it all, I posted it from a web site I saw. Its really neat!


dea - January 7

MG: I read your other post!! LMAO and tearing up at the same time. ANN: My Dr. is very optimistic and she is very supportive of our decisions (which is SO helpful). Her office even offered to make an appointment with an IVF specialist now in case we need them in 6 mos (that's the wait list). We declined on the appt. and are waiting to see what happens int he next few months. Is anybody in the TWW right now?? Close to testing?? Getting ready to O next week myself. Take Care girls~~DUST~~


Ann - January 8

dea, do you have to do anything if you make the appt to discuss ivf? It might be a good idea to go ahead and get on the waiting list! You could always cancel. I saw another post where someone got pg with her dh's count at less than 3mil, but it was with ivf. I thought that would give you hope that it does happen! As far I cycles go, I officially entered the 2ww yesterday. I had my iui and had the hcg on Friday. I am not optimistic this time, though. mg, I read the says it all post. It was really funny and summed up what I think we all feel. I am sure everyone can relate to parts of it.


dea - January 8

HI ANN: I don't think we have to do anything specific. If we don't fall pg this month we are going to go get another SA to see if the change in meds helped. Then- we will look into more IUI. I think you are right about making an appt. though. It can't hurt to have it in case we need it. My drs. office is so good and understanding about all this stuff. I will do it when/if we have to go back. Thanks for all the advice and compassion ladies. Without this forum I would be insane. No one in our families know that we are ttc. To keep something like this secret for 19 months + is tough!! It is so nice to have somewhere to go and vent AND-- help others out and support them too. Thanks again!


Ann - January 8

dea, I totally echo your thoughts. At ttc for 21 months, no one knows we are ttc either (no friends or family). It is tough! This board has helped me tons. It is so nice to talk to others who really understand. Although the time frame is much shorter, I have an appt with a RE on January 20th. I had to make it in advance, but I sure hope I get to cancel it!:) Good luck!!


cindy - January 8

Have you ever heard of ovulex or amberoz? They are male and female products that alot of people that have unexplainable infertility--are using and it has worked. Look it up on the net-it is less expensive then IVF or any of the other treatments. It's worth a try.



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