can somebody help me?
25 Replies
jasy - October 29

when i was younger i had two abortions, one when i was 13 and one when i was 16. my parents forced me to get the first one but the second one was my choice. any way, now i want to have a baby. i have only been trying for about three months now and i wanted to know how long should i try before i seek professional help or any other methods. i don't think there is anything wrong with the male because i have used five different men in the three months and all have failed. i think something is wrong with me but i don't know if i should start worrying yet becuase i hear that worry allows you not to get pregnant when you really want it. can anyone help me by giving me some tips of what may have worked for them. Thanks!


maddy - October 29

honey have you thought this out ....five different men in three months?? i'm not judging you but that does not seem like a well thought out plan. perhaps you should take a break and think of what you are doing.


~S - October 29

Timing is everything, it definitely sounds like you have plenty of sex just not at the right times. I am with Maddy on thinking this one over. There is no judgement here, because I have had my share of men, but if you do fall pregnant your child is eventually going to want to know who his or her father is. With all your sexual partners how are you going to even to be able to know? Maybe you should find yourself one guy, to settle down with ;)


To Jasy - October 29

Hi jasy, Sometimes having abortions will cause scar tissue & probably be hard for the follicle to implant into your uterus lining. But anything could be a possiblity. It can take up to a year for some people to get pregnant (with no infertility issues) b/c women have a 25% chance of getting pregnant each month. Do you have regular periods? Not to judge you but do these guys know that you want to get pregnant? I agree with the other posts in that, is this what you really want? Whatever happens I wish you good luck.


me - October 29

If you are serious about getting pregnant, both you and your partner should be tested if you have not conceived within a year. Timing is everything if you are both normal , so I would either use OPKs or temp to get an idea of what your body is like now. They are not 100% accurate, but it made me realize I had something wrong with me when my temps never went up. Please keep in mind that a child needs both male and female role models in its life, so choose your partner wisely. Good luck.


jasy - October 29

the reason i have been sleeping with so many guys is becuase i don't want them to know that they are the father. i don't want just some loser being a father to my baby. i feel like i haven't met the right guy yet and since i have to have a baby now then it would be best if i did it on my own. i won't be completely on my own though. i do have friends and family that will be a positive influence on the baby. i don't want these guys that i am having sex with to be in my life forever.


te'a - October 29

I really think you need to think about this......5 different men where they all daddy material? it's hard to find a man to fit those shoes and you found 5 in three months...i know a lot of single mother would love to find one for their more thing about the abortion i really don't think you have anything to worry cousin had her 1st at 15 and now she 26 and has two kids and she has had 12 abortions ...she just had one last week so i know it hasn't staop her.....God Bess You ...and think about this long and hard.....


Tracy - October 29

Jasy-Firstly, how old are you? Are you financially and emotionally ready to have a baby? They aren't just all fun... Why would you say that you need to have a baby now? I respect that you want to raise this baby on your own and won't make any of these 5 men be responsible... but how will that affect your child long term? And what if 1 of these men want to be a part of the baby's life? It is very hard to find the right man to spend the rest of your life with, and even harder if you are a single mom. Wouldn't you want to wait to be in a stable relationship so that you and the father could share in the joys of pregnancy and parenthood together? I know someone who thought that if she had a baby (she was young and slept around-I'm not going to get into how dangerous that is and how irresponsible it is to possibly expose an unborn baby to serious sexually transmitted diseases) and this girl truly thought that having a baby would give her someone to love her unconditionally. Surprise- her problems haven't gone away and now she has a baby to try to feed and care for. Her social life isn't nearly what it once was... no time to go out all the time and even though her friends are supportive... they are young still too and want to go out and have fun and do the things that young people want to do, so she gets left behind and she gets very depressed. Please remember that this baby will depend on you 100% and will be your responsibility for the next 18-20 years. Your life will never be the same!
Now if you are financially and emotionally set and you want a baby that badly, why not go to a sperm bank where you at least know that you won't get an STD and the father won't be in the picture at all?
I am not trying to be preachy, but so many of us here would give anything to have a healthy baby and we have supportive and caring husbands who want that too... I just hope that you have thought it all through and are willing to give a baby everything that it needs and deserves. Good luck.


jasy - October 30

well tracy, i am 18 and a freshman in college. i have access to financial stability because my parents are basically paying my way through college. i have a job and i have been saving up money in the bank since i was 15. i stay at home with my family and they will definately help me take care of the baby because of guilt over what they made me do to their first grandchild. the reason i need to have a baby now is becuase of what future. i want to be a lawyer. if i have a baby now then my child will be like seven by the time i start working. i want to be very successful as a lawyer and i don't want having a baby to conflict with that. babies need a lot more attention than older children do. i'm not saying i'mg going to abandon my seven year old, i'm just saying that babies need more attention. i know you think a father is important for a child and maybe it is nice to have one but its not a necesity. i spent most of my childhood without my father until my mother remarried and i feel like i turned out just fine. i have been very successful in school. when it comes to the social life i feel like i have had too much bad fun in my life. it is unhealthy and i could kill myself. maybe this baby will change me and i think that's a good thing. as for as diseases are concerned, i don't really care if i catch them are not. the only one that really worries me is hiv. if i do catch hiv then i can learn to live with it like millions other in the world. i know that if i catch a disease that doctocs can treat them so they won't harm the baby. and its not a gaurantee that i will catch a disease in the first place.


jasy - October 30

ok here is my question. i was with this guy last night. to make a long story short, he didn't wear a condom cause i told him i was allergic. i was on top. when he was about to cum he pulled out but he was cumming already. what i want to know is what are the chances that i could be pregnant from the guy.


JC - October 30

Jassy...ya might want to stop writing ridiculous messages on here just to get attention and see what kind of responses come about. If for some horrible reason you are serious, you need to figure things out BEFORE you have a kid. You say you turned out fine....but sweetheart, I beg to differ.
Tyring not to pass judgement here BUT grow up and stop playing little girl games. ya got another response to read.


Tracy - October 30

JC- I completely agree with you!!! This sort of thing breaks my heart, someone obviously looking for attention and trying to have a baby without thinking it all through. And then those of us on this message board who truly would give all of our hearts and lives to a baby, who are having a very hard time making it a reality... I am going to let this one go as I don't feel that I can give a response to Jasy that wouldn't be completely hostile. All I can say Jasy, is that I hope that you get all of the help that you truly do need. Good luck


A 1st parent at 16 - October 30

Ok well I think you are an idiot jasy, You say you want to be a successful lawyer but for one you can't spell worth a crap on here. So fix that first. Next your in school. Ok good but say you get pregnant... Nine months from now you gonna have that baby you always dreamed of having with out the father.. Ok well how are you gonna juggle a baby, work (cause you need the money diapers aren't cheap, clothes they grow out of so quick) school (remember you are going for a while I figure you just started if your even how old you say you are plus it sounds like you are wanting to punish your parents rather than really truly embrace the joy of having a baby) ok A baby is Hard hard work man let me tell you I had twins that passed away in 12-01 ok It was sad very sad I was only 16 just turned in Sept that year. Ok I enjoyed the time I got to spend with but it wasn't very long. But than in 02 I had my son which will be 3 in Dec this year. I love him so much BUT I wish I could give him so much more right now We are struggling YES WE me an the father he works to jobs cause he doesn't our son to miss out on at least one parent ok he gets home at 5pm an what ever other stuff he has to get done for the day so probably about 7 he has time to sit an play as I had all day long to be with him ( mind you this he was also the father of our twins) k been together 5 years getting married in May 06 ( Yea, I am excited) But point is that you are gonna have school work, Work Baby Not a lot of free at all G-ma n G-pa are gonna be there all the time it sounds like. Yes the will love their grandbaby but you will not always going to live there. They have stuff they have to do too. We get a sitter maybe 4 times a month. that is once a week. ok cause people are busy they don't have the time to watch YOUR KID. I am gonna feel sorry for the baby. I am sorry. Cause like you said you want to get back at your parents (Or mom) who ever made you have the abortion. An you have to ask yourself WHY DID I GET THE ABORTION AT 16? K there must have been a reason. Man grow up stay in school for a couple more years. Oh an the dieases you were talking about Said you could cure everything but Aids Not true.. A friend of ours. He has a 17 yr old daughter k well at 15 she got raped Guess what she got something called HPV You can pass it on to you kids too what would you do with yourself if you gave you kids something that they could never get rid of. YOu need to think your in school taking a parenting class on top of your busy schedule an see if you really want to have a baby right now. an kids don't just need attention at small ages they need it all the time just like now you are probably a 16 yr old looking for attention but are probably wanting to get preg but you know what wanna these days these guys are gonna relize what you are doing An where ever you live One of these guys are gonna be the wrong guy an you might just end up getting RAPED than what. I am sorry but your baby when he or she is not a baby no more are gonna say " MOMMY WHERE IS MY DADDY" Than I bet just like you when you were a kid asked your mom that since you said he wasn't around. Are gonna say he is a loser just knocked me up a left!! I hate people like that.. And to the dads surprise "HEY I HAVE A KID" He ain't gonna know where to pick up cause he never knew.. Kids are so immature. I feel sorry for all the kids born these days cause the parents don't care they just want a baby. You know what I want another on I have the baby fever too But we can't even afford all 3 of us right now an we just got our house paid off an still not enough money .. you are gonna do nothing but hurt your baby an a poor guys feeling in the long run... For people like you you make me sick. I wish you the worst but I hope you child is stronger than you in so many was Sooner or Later they will see the real you... Even if it takes 18-20 yrs....... Good luck destroying your dreams or well making than harder to acheive


jasy - October 31

i am not an idiot. i am really being smart and doing what is best for my future child. i made a promise to god that i would make it up to him for what i did to his other 2 children. i realized that if i was going to be the next female johnny cochran then i would have a lot of work to do. if i waited to have a kid then i wouldn't be there for baby when he or she need the most attention and care. well me being the person i am, i would be there for my baby so i would have to miss a lot of work. i realize than female lawyers who have children can't have it all. i don't want to be just a regular lawyer. i want to be the best. if i have a child now, then he or she would be like seven or eigth when i become a lawyer. then he or she would need less attention when i am a lawyer and would have school. he or she would basically need less attention than a baby would and i would still be in his or her life without sacraficing my job or vice versa. i will be a lawyer. you can say how much that's not true but that just encourages me even more to make it. you don't know me. you don't know what kind of drive i have. i have been very successful in school so far. while in college i only have to take 4 classes. i can put all my classes on tuesday and thursday so that i will have the other five days to be at home with my baby. my mother will only be keeping my baby two days out of the week. i have a savings account that i will live off of but i know my mother and steppaw as well as my grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends will be more than willing to help. you can say its so hard but i know thousands of girls who have done it at younger ages and with less help than i have.


SD - October 31

Jasy, please read my story and take it into consideration. I became pregnant when I was 21 and in my second year of college. I was half way through at the time. My son was born in Sept. so I obviously didn't start back in the fall. Once I did go back it was so hard. Our son's grandparents helped out as much as possible, but they have already raised their children and were not willing to do it all over again. They wanted to be grandparents not parents. I fell behind on school work and missed alot of fun activities associated with univeristy. Also, what happens when your baby is sick. Most daycares will not accept a sick baby and babies like to get sick some time in the middle of the night. I can't tell you how mant times we had to go to the ER at 2 in the morning because of a high fever. Anyway, It took me 3 years longer to finish my degree with a child. My husband (we were not married when our son was born) was also in his second year of college and was so upset that he missed out on our son's first few years. Also, once he graduated he lost out on jobs because he had a family. Our son is now 6 and I have my education degree, but I find myself more busy with our boy now. He has homework that has to be done as well as extra-curricular activities afterschool. Please don't think having another child will make it up to God. If you are feeling guilt regarding your past actions please speak to your priest (or religious figure) he or she will be able to grant you forgiveness. DO not place that burden on a new baby. Your first decision as a responsible person (if you truly are, so far your actions and words are discouraging) is to realize now is not the time for a baby. What happens if your child is born with a birth defect? Go talk to someone, please!


Bonnie - October 31

Jasy, I don't know why I'm going to even bother with this as you have total blinders on, but as a mother of two 12 year-olds I feel I must at least try. You can be a good mother and a good lawyer. It is certainly possible to have children and be good at a career. But you can NOT be a good mother and the BEST lawyer. That is just reality. And if you choose to continue on this path you will one day find this out. Children do not get easier at age 7 or 8....or even 12. Sure, an older child does not require 24 hour watching the way a newborn does. They go to school and while children do get sick, they don't get sick that often. But school is where it ends. School does not have late hours and you can extend those hours until around 6:00pm by sending your kid to daycare if you work. After that, they still require 100% of your attention. When my 12 year-olds get home from school they take up all of my time until it is bedtime. Sure, if you have some legal work to do at home you could just send them outside, but no way can you concentrate fully on work when your children are there. When my kids are outside I find myself contantly peeking out the window to make sure they are not getting into anything they should not, to make sure no strangers are about, etc. When they are inside they want to talk about their day, help cook, do projects, etc. Not to mention you have to deal with after-school activities, clubs, little leagues, sports, etc. Sure you can blow all that off in the name of work. You can ignore your kids, tell them you don't have time to watch the basketball game, send them outside on their own for some predator to just come by and take them, never speak to your kid so they learn they can't talk to mom........and what do you plan to do when you have to work late nights? Most law offices can understand a mother who has family obligations. But to be the best? Pffft, can't let your family get in the way of that. I suppose you could just ship your kid off to grandma. All of these things I would call being a terrible mother. You also mentioned in one of your posts wanting to be there to witness things like the first steps and words. What about the first day of school? The first time your kid tried out for football, gives a speech, runs for class president, has a dance, goes to prom, etc etc. These things never end with your child and you will want to witness them all. Children do NOT in any way get easier as they get older and they always need their parents 24/7. In the end, you can be a good mother and a good lawyer. But one has to take priority over the other, you cannot be the best at both.


Bonnie - October 31

P.S. And I am curious what you plan to tell your child when he/she asks who their daddy is? Do you plan to tell them the truth that you slept around so that you wouldn't know who the fatehr is because you feel a man is not important? Or do you plan on making up some BS about how the dead-beat dad knocked you up and left you alone so that poor little you had to do it on your own? There are plenty of men and women both who are terrible parents (so far you are not looking to good here yourself), but there are plenty of good ones out there. It would be a shame for your child to grow up thinking her father a complete ass when the poor guy has no clue and the only one to blame is you. As a "lawyer" do you plan on taking responsibility for your own actions?



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