Anyone ttc #1 and over 34 years old..?
311 Replies
NatashaV - May 29

Hi, Dh & I have been ttc for over 2 years now with not one BFP. I'm 35 years old, am happily married, and have not been pg even once! Not to sound insensitive, but I've found it frustrating to chat with some women on here who I THINK are like me initially, only to find out that they're only 21 years old, have been ttc-ing for only 2 months and thinking that it's been SO long and they can't take it etc... I'm sorry, but if you're only 21, you've got plenty of time to get pg, and 2 months is nothing! Also, I've been chatting in threads on here for almost a year and I've ended up being the only one still ttc on my thread - they all got pg but me! Now that's depressing! Anyway, I'm not trying to knock other women at all... I'm just finding this process very hard, and was really hoping that there might be some women on here like me. That is, who know what it's like to be trying for SO long, having never gotten pg, and being 'older'. Thanks and good luck to all!


ColleenD - May 29

Hey Girl! You are not alone. I could have written your post. I turned 35 two weeks ago. I have been trying so long that I can't remember exactly how long it has been-between 2 & 3 years. I have experienced the same frustrations with the threads. I'm also tired of feeling like I might be preg and finding out I'm not. What does your doctor say? Has your thyroid been checked? Have you tried clomid or anything else?


NatashaV - May 29

Hi Colleen, I figured I wasn't alone, but sometimes you wonder, y'know? Here's my story: I've had all my blood work checked; my thyroid level apparently was suspect, so they checked it again, and the second time they said it was okay. Do you know something about thyroid and infertility? My progesterone (day 21) was really good, but FSH (day 3) wasn't great. The nurse said I shouldn't worry about it because I'm just 'borderline'. I believe it was 12 which apparently means that my ovarian reserve is starting to deplete slightly (great..just what I needed, more pressure to get pg when it's not happening!). Dh has been tested and his sperm are just fine. Let's see..what else.. Oh, I've had an hsg done (clear), and an ultrasound over a year and a half ago (clear). Two months ago, the specialist put me on Clomid and I had an IUI done two times (the last two months while on Clomid). This past cycle when af arrived, I went off the Clomid. Firstly, because I hate what it does to me (emotional, bloated, headaches) and two; because I just got frustrated. I really thought for sure doing Clomid/IUI was going to mean a bfp for us and when it didn't, I just got so down. We just hit the ttc for 2 years point last month, so dh & I decided to take a bit of a break this month. Part of me feels like I should give up..obviously we're not getting pg, so maybe I have to give up and figure out what life would look like without a baby? Of course that's WAY easier said than done, since I don't think I know how to stop trying to get what I want..a baby! But it's torturous trying so hard every month and failing. Everyone I know has kids now (most of them started trying the same time as me..they all succeeded) and now my best friend is pregnant too which means no matter who I hang out with, I'm going to be surrounded by babies/kids! It's SO depressing, I hate to think about it. I feel very jealous and I don't like feeling that way. On bad days (like today) I feel like I don't want to continue the life we're living..that is, that dh and I should move to another city or something so I don't have to face my friends and their kids, or my in-laws who wait every month for an announcement that may never come. I'm CD 15 today and I think I'm O-ing tomorrow..I'm not doing Clomid or IUI or anything - just trying the old fashioned way because I can't help myself. I hate the idea of not trying, but at the same time, part of me thinks we should stop because it's too hard. Anyway, yikes..did I go on and on or what!? Sorry..please fill me in on your story..and thanks for your reply!


ColleenD - May 29

Natasha - Yes, your thyroid is really improtant!!! My Dr. said that the main obstical for many of her patients is their thyroid. My # was 7.8 a few months ago. They like it to be down to at least 4. To get preg you sometimes need a lower # like 2. My # is around 2 now. My dr. also gave me clomid to start when my thyroid straightened out. I am a teacher and only have 4 days left so I started taking the clomid on Sat. I went off BC about 3 yrs. ago and assumed I would get preg. Boy was I wrong!! I tried every herb and natural suggestion. My DH says if we are supposed to have children it will just happen. Unfortunately, I feel I am getting to old for it to happen that way. He does not know I started clomid and he would never agree to any proceedures. I just want to give nature a boost. Also, he is like having a big kid:) I hate not telling him, but he acts like we have all the time in the world! I so know your frustrated feeling. I can't imagine not trying, but the neg month after month gets to you. I work with children everyday. Every teacher around me seems to keep getting preg with no problem. If your a teacher and have no children people seem to look at you differently. Intead I have 5 dogs and a ferret. I hate every time that envious feeling comes up in me and I push it back down. My brother's fiance got preg (without trying) almost 2 years ago and he said he didn't want to tell me because he didn't want to upset me. It is very bitter sweet. I love my nephew so much, but I also have a sadness for myself and I hate that! I don't want that feeling in our relationship. I hope something good will happen for you and your DH really soon. I'm not sure moving is the best idea though. What if you start feeling really isolated leaving everyone behind. Whatever you decide I wish the best for you!!!


NatashaV - May 30

Hi Colleen, I feel for you in that your dh isn't on the same page as you. That would make it even harder. I'm fortunate in that dh is okay to do whatever I want..i think that's mainly because he's so tired of my depression and my tears everytime af comes! :) Where are you at in your cycle? I'm CD16 and I think I ovulated either yesterday or today. I feel down though, like I KNOW that trying naturally just isn't going to do it (why would it after 25 months of it not working?). Sorry..just down in the dumps. Anyone else like Colleen & I? This is a safe place to vent ladies, so let's hear it! :)


NicoleM - May 30

Hi Natasha, thanks for responding to my hsg post - your words were comforting. I will be 30 this year and we have been ttc #1 for 2 years now. I've never had a BFP. As you know I am having the hsg done this month, so I guess we'll go from there. Dh will have SA too, but we did a home test and his count was great, so unless it's a motility thing, I'm pretty sure it's me. I see you've been on the "because of infertility" thread... that seems a good place to sum up all these feelings... Babydust


Alyssa1 - May 30

Hello All. Mind if I join your string here. I am 34 and have 6 months before I fall into the "Over 35 catagory" . My hubby and I tried for about 2 years to get pregnant the good old faishiond way. Then for a year I charted everything, and used the clearblue easy monitor. Last month I did my first IUI with clomid, and I am now starting my next cycle. I fall into that wonderful catagory of "unknown infertility" Which makes me feel like my chart should have Guinea Pig #362 on it instead of my name. All of my firends and Husbands friends have children, and I have to admit I was starting to think I was the only one my age, becuase when I go to the doctors, the waiting room is filled with cute young size 4 little girls who couldn't be over 25. Sorry if it sounds harsh, its the clomid talking really! :-) Its nice to know I am not alone.


NatashaV - May 30

Hi Nicole and Alyssa.. Yes Nicole, I've been posting around. I'm assured by the girls I met on my first post that it's not the same as sleeping around. :) Alyssa, you sound JUST like me..I'm sorry to hear of your ttc troubles, but it is a relief to know that I'm not the only one who didn't start ttc-ing at age 21. Boy, if I had, the baby's father would've been a real jerk! :) You don't sound harsh at all, in fact I'm in shock when I read of all these girls who've been ttc for a few months all under the age of 22. I would NEVER have been ready for motherhood at that age! Dh and I waited until I was 32 to start trying because he wanted to be finished his professional designation before becoming a dad, as well I just wasn't ready before then. I was the person that people thought would likely never want to be a mom (I used to say I probably wouldn't have kids..makes me wonder now if I jinxed myself!) Anyway, I think that's part of the problem now. I find it hard to know how far I should push the ttc thing (that is, ivf??) because maybe I'm not meant to be a mom - even though I really want to be one! It's only been the last 3 years that I thought it would be something I could do well (always thought I wouldn't be good enough at it, I think). It's a personal question, but why did you all wait to ttc..or maybe you didn't 'wait'..? My sister didn't 'wait' really, she just didn't meet Mr. Right until she was 37 years old, then tried (at age 38) to get pg, and was pregnant on the first try! Sigh..her daughter is now THREE and me..nothing. Anyway, would love to hear more from all of you 'older ttc-ers' out there. Thanks for the support!


ColleenD - May 30

Hi Everyone! Glad to see more have joined us. Natasha, you never know, anything could happen. I know how you feel about your sister's easy time of it. I'm CD 5. Nicole & Alyssa -I'm sorry to hear that you guys are having problems too. Nicole don't get down on yourself. It is no one's fault. Alyssa, I felt exactly the same way as my 35 approached a few weeks ago. Also you didn't sound hash at all. It is disheartening to go to an appointment and see all the success around you. Especially when I sit there and start playing the "How old is she? & Was she even trying?" Guessing Game:) Blessings and peace for all of us.


justine - May 30

Hey ladies! Don't mind if I join you. I'm 39 and have been ttc for only the past few months! Natasha, my deal is kind of like you and your sisters. I didn't meet mr. right until later on and frankly, I wasn't ready either. I've enjoyed my life and don't regret waiting. I hear you about these young 20 somethings freaking out because they're not getting pg right away! Are you kidding me?! Later on they might wish they would have waited a bit. I have high hopes for everyone on this thread! Keep your chins up!! Babydust to all!


kristina - May 30

hi ladies. i'll be 34 in a few months and have been ttc for over 2 years. i think i meet the requirements for this thread! i'm also frustrated with everyone being in their 20s and ttc and becoming pregnant in the meantime. it can be very painful-to feel all alone and somehow misfit. i've had a BFP some years ago, but to my regret, at the time i had to terminate the pregnancy. i've been ttc for so long and that makes me feel frustrated and unable to focus on anything else in life. as if my life is just passing by without me noticing it. i've been checked for almost everything in relation to fertility and the last thing to do is laparascopy. according to the results so far i'm fine, my husband as well. i just don't know how to go on. and yes, the other threads are full of ladies getting pregnant and i believe i'll stick to this one for a while.


TL - May 30

Hi ladies. I am 31, but feel close enough to 34. Been trying ttc for almost 2 yrs w/ no luck. We did a cycle of Clomid/IUI and all was well except my lining was thin and all I got was a BFN. I can not do it again yet, so we just tried natural this month and I feel so much less pressure not being on that 'crazy Clomid' and all the stress of family expecting BFP and it still did not work! It's a tough journey for all of us and I hope you all see BFP's soon :)
Take care and baby dust to all.


JMD - May 30

Hi Ladies, I'm in the same boat as most of you but a little older; I turned 38 years old in April and I’m ttc #1 since Feb 2005. I tried naturally for a while, went to see a dr in Oct 05 when I was not successful. I had all the std test on me and my dh; everything was fine but the dr did say I need to get pg sooner than later (duh). I tried clomid/follistism/IUI twice and twice BFN. I’m at the point I hate to take a pg test, even when my AF is late, because of so many BFN’s in my past. Like Justine, I didn’t meet Mr. Right until later and it doesn’t help when I have family and friends asking do you plan to have children? What are you waiting for? You’re not that young anymore? You better hurry up? Or worse, you’re too old? Sometimes I think I am to old to still try and I start searching the Internet for others like myself. I know I’m in a better place emotionally, financially and spiritually than in my 20’s but can’t help to think; did I miss my window of opportunity? I have not shared with anyone other than my dh my desire to have a child because I don’t think I could take any more inquiries than I already get. Thanks for starting this thread I feel better just sharing. BTW I am on cd32 and 16-18 dpo.


karen goode - May 30

Hi I am new to this board. I am 35 and have suffered 2 miscarriages since 12/05. My Re just informed me that my FSH level is 17.6 which means I am perimenapausal. I am beyond devasted. I just got married in 9/05. We did not want to wait b/c of my age I knew the risks. I don't regret waiting to meet the right man to marry and start a family with but I wish I met him earlier. I can't believe i am only 35 and perimenapausal. I feel like all my hopes and dreams are gone. My doctor told me I have a 50/50 chance of having a baby and that baby may have chrom. abnormalities. I feel so alone. I don't know anyone else in my situation. I have searched boards but I can't find anyone. I plan on getting a second opinion. Thank you for listening.


justine - May 30

Hi Karen. Don't get yourself all worked up yet. The fact is you actually conceived twice! That's a good thing. In a short amount of time no less .Just because your Dr. said you were "perimenopausal" doesn't necessarily mean anything. She's matching a term to a number. Textbook. I would definately get another opinion. By the way, are you experiencing any menopausal symptoms? Stay positive :)


ColleenD - May 30

Oh Girls!!! I'm so sorry. I wish I could hug you all and do something to help. Hey, TL, was clomid crazy for you? I took my 4th dose today and all I notice is feeling bloated. Karen, you must have been on an emotional rollercoaster lately. That is so much to go through. This is just so unfair! Maybe things will start happening for us.


ColleenD - May 30

I agree with Justine. That makes a lot of sense. I know it is heartbreaking, but you are getting closer than many of the rest of us. I have never had a BFP and if it turns out that our problem is my DH, he won't get checked or assissted. It hurts his "machoness." I hate to say it, but I am a teacher and I see all these parents at school who get pregnant every time they change their underwear!!! They take it for granted and spend no time with their children. My DH's sister has 3 children from 3 different men and won't even tell the middle child her father's name. Okay-sorry- maybe the clomid it affecting me. I really didn't mean to get so negative. That is not what I want to dwell on with all of you. It is just sooooo frustrating! I wish nothing but the best for each of you. Baby Dust*************



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