Any ideas how i get through this?
10 Replies
Sally - January 16

I hope someone can help, I am 30 and hubby is 34 we have been ttc for 15 months. First i was told that our best man and his wife are having baby number 2 and they hardly had to try, next my sister in law told me she is expecting, she is the sort of person that gets everything she wants and i have never liked her very much as she is so spoilt and talks to her mum and dad with no respect. I smiled told her how happy i was for her and then went upstairs to cry for ages. I am happy for her but she met a man at 32 got married 3 months later and lost a baby at 3 months so she was 3 months pregnant on her wedding day. she thinks its the end of the world when she has been trying again for 2 months! she said she is going to need my help and fashion advice but i cant do it, after i talk to her on the phone i cry for hours. i know i sound bitter but she never has to work hard for anything. i have wanted children all my life, even the doctors say it just takes time. How can i watch her grow and give birth when all i want to do is avoid her. How do i smile at her and spend time with her. Im hurting so much.


Melissa - January 16

I sympathize with you~it's just not easy! Everyone around me seems to be pregnant. My friend & coworker is due in May, another co-worker is having her 2nd baby (and I've been trying since she started trying for her 1st!!!!!!) I have 3 cousins all due this spring & then we just found out last night my husband's unwed cousin is due in 2 months. She hid the pregnancy until last week!! I have no idea how I'm going to handle seeing her! My only advice is to focus on the happy things in your life...that's all that gets me by. I also remind myself that I will want these same people to be happy for me if/when I get pregnant, so I at least fake being happy for them.


Sally - January 16

Thanks Melissa, It even helped knowing there is someone out there who knows how i feel. I do focus on the good things and thank heavens for Text messaging and email as i found i can be supportive and not have to talk to her! That means i dont cry, but i still am going to find it hard to see her, she is just so selfish. Good luck to you xxxx


sherry - January 16

my best friend is pregnant right now, after 1 month off the pill, her 2nd time around. (2x's right off the pill, this time, not even trying to get pregnant!). she's supposed to wait for "me" :( so yes when i heard the news i was bitter, but couldn't act so of course. i just don't get it. it doesn't seem fair, but just remember, how much more you will appreciate your child, when he or she makes his way, into your arms. you will be 100x's the mother she will be, so stick with me. it'll happen. hugs :)


sherry - January 16

i think we need to go and see melissa's family, and grab some of the baby dust floating all around there. wow! you'll be next melissa. i feel it!


Elyse - January 16

Hi Melissa. The pain of watching everyone around you having children when you can't get pregnant is torture - it hurts your soul. For everyone who is having trouble ttc, it seems impossible to be happy for anyone with a child. The best way to deal with it is to not hold it in. If it is someone you love and who loves you, you have to tell them that you are happy for them while you ball your eyes out. They will understand. Holding pain in is a surefire way of increasing your stress level ( another way to delay pregnancy) and ruining a close friendship. LET IT OUT! The truth is that people understand and can help you, just by listening. You are not expected to keep a brave face while pain tears you up inside. BUT - you must also rejoice in birth. There are babies everywhere. Look at them, hold them, love them. They are the keepers of the REAL BABY DUST! Good luck and God Bless!


Dee - January 18

hi ladies! i totally feel your pain. right now my boss is pg, my friend is pg, one of the girls in my car club is pg, and my best friend just had her 2nd baby a couple months ago. i'm surrounded by pregnancy and babies and none of them are mine! my dh and i have been trying for 2 yrs and 3 months w/o 1 pregnancy...needless to say i've been starting to lose hope lately. it's hard knowing all these people have what you want and you have to be happy for them. when my best friend had her first baby i was very excited for her (dh and i had just started ttc so i was still in good spirits), but after she had the second one i had a break down and since then have kind of lost touch with her...i feel bad for being this way, but it's just so painful for me to go over there and see her holding her new baby and her daughter playing with much as i want to smile i want to cry. that's been the most difficult thing for me to deal with-everyone else getting pg and i'm still not. i try to stay hopeful and positive, but every month that AF shows up i just lose more hope. the only thing i have been able to count on every month is AF showing up and me having a crying party by myself. and i thought trying to have a baby was going to be fun, easy, happy, and exciting...instead it's been hard, not fun (anymore), and stressful. sometimes i hate even going to the store because everywhere i go there's a pg lady (or girl in some cases) or a woman w/ a's just depressing. well sorry for going on and on...just needed to vent a little. good luck to everyone in here and here's to hoping we're all pg by the end of this year!


Sally - January 18

Ah Dee, i really feel for you, i went food shopping with hubby last week and he started to que up and i walked off without a word, when he came to the car he asked what was wrong and i replyed "there was a pregnant woman one side and a new born the other and i couldnt cope!" he said he was sorry he didnt notice, Ahh. I try to think that the people i see with babies and pregnant women have gone through hell to get there, i saw a woman in a cafe heavily pregnant, i heard her telling someone she had been trying for 3 years!!! so although its not always possible i do try to look at it like that. But i still cant cope with my sister in law Grrrrrr she makes me angry. Good luck to you x


Dee - January 18

thank you for the support. when our friends told us they were pg this last weekend i told them congrats and went straight to my room to cry for about an hour...i felt bad, but what else am i supposed to do? sit there and cry in front of them? and as much as my dh tries to console me, he just doesn't understand. i try to see it from a different perspective and think that maybe they went through the same things i'm going through right now and that helps a little, but it still doesn't make the hurting go away. i totally know how you feel about the sister in law (step) cousin (who is 17)had a baby a little over a year ago and doesn't have anything to do with the baby. she pretty much gave the baby to her mom to take care of and only takes the baby to show her to friends. it just makes me so mad because i'm over here trying my a$$ off and i get nothing and she's not even appreciative of the miracle she was given. i really wish this was easier. i mostly wish that i could go back to feeling the way i did when we first started trying though. i miss being excited and happy about it. not that i'm not excited anymore, but i'm only excited when AF is a little late and i think i might be pg-but then AF shows up and it's right back to being upset again. it's a vicious cycle especially when AF doesn't show up on time. well thank you for letting me get some steam out...i will talk to you more later. good luck and tons and tons of baby dust!


Melissa - January 18

Dee-I completely understand what you are saying. My (step) cousin also had a child 4 years ago & has nothing to do with him. He is the cutest little boy. I just found out that she is expecting twins now with a different guy! Ugh. (Add that to my 4 cousins I posted earlier). I am happy for anyone who wants their baby, but will never understand those who don't even want a baby & end up pregnant!!!!!!! It just doesn't make sense sometimes. I know what you mean about wanting to feel excited like when first ttc. I have been on continous birth control for 4 months & even though I hate that I'm not able to try right now, it is kind of a blessing in disguise. Not only do I not have af, but the pressure has been gone for a few months. Not that I don't (obviously) obsess everyday...but I'm hoping when we start trying in March it will be fun & exciting again. (Of course, I'm also dreading the possible let-down of all these months of treatment not working...but I'll push that outta my mind for now). Anyway....I hope all you ladies can find something to be happy about each day & I wish us all lots & lotsa baby dust!


Sally - January 19

good luck Melissa for march, i know its horrid to say but i wish i new someone who is going through all this the same as me. I know i have this forum and without all you ladies i would have cracked by now but it would be nice to get a hug from someone in my position. Hubby is great and is my rock but nothing beats a hug from someone who really understands. sorry im feeling abit sorry for myself today. im home alone and im on my 2 week wait for af, ever little feeling i get in my belly i think i may be pregnant but then i tell myself off for getting my hopes up! Ahgggg I just want to stop thinking about it for just 5 mins. Sorry to be on a downer ladies. x



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