why me?
10 Replies
vicki - February 16

My name is vicki and i haven't read any of the posts really, but i thought i would express my feelings anyway. My husband and I have ttc for nearly 3 years. I always get my hopes up and buy hpt's too early. I have spent ...wasted...a ton of money on them in the last 3 years. Well i was 5 days late this month and i am completely regular with my cycles. i have not missed one since my second period @ age 11! 29 days to the hour and then I'm late! so i get all excited and once again take 4 hpt's which i might add are all negative, but no period so i must be pg right? Nope. Started bleeding a little today, so now i am back to my phobia of taking an hpt. They are not my friend. I went to the fertility doc but they would not see me because blue cross blue shield does not cover much on infertility. I did not have the $ up front so i had to leave crying my eyes out once again. So here i am, most likely in the same boat as the many other women (and men) on this site, no baby, no $10,000 for in vitro or even a start at fertility treatment. I am 24 years old, done with school, have a good life, and am already a mom, I just have no child to prove that. I have never been pg, miscarried or any of that, so I keep asking myself what the h-e-double-hockeysticks is the matter with me or my husband? It is so unfair to go to the store or mall or blockbuster or pretty much anywhere and see 5 pg women! I pray and pray about it all the time. I have some friends that are pg and i cant be happy for them or even go to their showers! I know I'm not the only one out there that feels this way, and I'm sorry to anyone else experiencing the same thing. Nobody should have to go through such an emotional rollercoaster. So too all of you ttc, I pray that God will bless you with your baby. One day we will all understand why we do or don't have babies. I wish you all luck and please do the same for my husband and me. I will keep you all posted! ~Vicki


vicki - February 16

Oh, and sorry for the long post!


Marie - February 16

Vicki, don't get your hopes up! I was the same way.My husband and I were on ttc for 2 1/2 years.Finally after "not conceiveing" we got to see a fertility specliast.I told him what was going on how we have tried and tried every month..but nothing.He gave us another appointment to see if there was really anything wrong.Well, I was expecting my period the next day and I didn't start so I was like "yes..yes..yes".I cancelled our appointment and after 4 days of no period I went to the store all happy and such bout a first response early pregnancy test and took it the next mourning and I sat there for 3 mints. with a smile on my face and at that moment I felt pressure in my abdomen..and looked and blood..I felt like s**t.Of, course the HPT said neg.We, got another appointment and I found out I endometriosis and my husband had a very low sperm count.They said there is nothing we could do!I went home and just wanted to die.My husband hugged me and said it's okay everything will be fine! That, night I got the cervical mucous like I was ovulating but I thought nothing of it..but my husband and I decided to make love that night.About 4 weeks later I had no period..and tender breast, nausea etc.! I was so afraid but I bought a pregnancy test anyways.I was sitting there remembering the last time..and I sat there and closed my eyes and told my husband to get in here he came in and I told him to look first..he looked all I heard was a jaw-drop.I looked and was completely amazed..I couldn't believe it.I went to the doctor to confirm the pregnancy and sure enough I was pregnant.We, were infertile..and we got pregnant..I was soOo happy and still am! I'm 18 weeks pregnant and still can't believe it! Before, I couldn't stand looking at pregnant women and my friends would get pregnant so easily and now I'am also.And, we are expecting a baby boy due July 18th,2005.
Look, you can be infertile,too sick,single etc. you can still get pregnant..just never give up your hopes or your dreams of being a mother! Hang in there and everything will be fine..I promise!


Cutie - February 16

Congrats Marie!!! GOD BLESS YOU.
Vicki, I prayed for you!!! :) I cant wait untill I will get preggo. I am also very mad and frustrated. I dont like to talk or to see my girlfriends just because they have kids and no problem TTC.... And me???? I dont even know whats going on because I have got no insurance, I still made an appt. though and will be seen at local OBGYN clinic.... I can not stand it anymore. I AM SOOOOOOOO MAD... (sorry, I just dont even know how to express mu self.) I became very moody lately. Here is my story: I am 21, have been married for 6 month, and 6 month ago I lost my virginity. Have a great husband and trying to concieve for about 3 month, but I've got a little problem here: I missed my NOV. menses, December came and they were little longer than usual and at the end I had a huge blood clot and no more period... In January, I first started spotting with pinkish/brownish and then it went to period but much, much less than my regular period and of course with blood clots, especially when I sit on the toilet. 4 Days after period "abnormal I should say" I started bleeding, not much but 3 huge clots came... I am sooooo mad and frustrated. I Thought first that it was implantation bleeding, and now I think I miscaried. I already made an apt.... I pray that this problem gets fixed because I am sooooo tired of being in this situation. Good luck to you! Love, Cutie


vicki - February 16

congrats marie! send some baby dust our way! cutie, i will pray that it will work out for you and your husband. thank you both for your support, and marie i hope my story ends the way yours did! cutie, have you heard of a blighted ovum? it's where the sac and placenta develop w/o an embryo due to a bad chromosome or something. ultimately you end up in miscarriage. you might want to check out some sites and see if that might be something that you had. i'm sorry for your loss, i'll keep trying if you keep trying! deal?:-) keep me posted ~vicki


Pinkywantsbaby - February 16

Vicki, If we not on the same boat then we on the same train. You sound just like me no lie. I cant believe how simular everyhing you said ( I mean everything) sounds just like my LIFE. I will like to talk more. We can chat more on our diagnoses. [email protected] hope to hear from ya.


Wendy - February 16

Hello Vicki- You can NOT lose hope.! I know it is easier said than done but getting pregnant is part mental. I have been trying for 3 years and FINALLY convinced my husband to go to the fertility DR. most of their tests are not covered by your insurance but the blood work and first exam tests are NOT that expensive. You should go and have your husbands sperm tested that could be part of the problem, it isn't always the woman. Anyway we finally went and found out that we have no reason to NOT get pregnant, we were getting ready to go on vacation and we were having intercourse like normal but I wasn't thinking about getting pregnant. Well I was due for my period while on vacation and it didn't come so I waited a week which is what they recommend and when we got home it was positive!!!!! I have since had a miscarriage but am back in the swing of things knowing it CAN happen. You MUST keep up a positive attitude and just keep trying it really isn't sooooo bad trying is it???? As far as your friends go do not hold any resentment for what you are going through towards them, they should understand if they are true friends and you should be happy for them as well because getting pregnant is NOT an easy thing to do and therefore a true miracle. Just be happy with the love of your husband and seek some professional help and it will happen. JUST RELAX you are WAY to uptight. Good Luck and enjoy..


vicki - February 16

here is something interesting if you are into feng shui http://wofs.com/fsw.php?load=arcv


Cutie - February 17

Well, believe it or not, I did see the doctor. She did an ultrasound and said that she saw an ovarian cyst on my left ovary. She said that I need to go and make an appt. for real good ultrasound (in the radiology dep.,) because hers is only for general pregnancy ultra sounds..... NOW I am freaking out.... I have no money to pay for that stupid ultrasound ($1,300.00) I guess I'll have to wait until I get my insurance on March first.....Oh this is so frustrating. Please pray for me, I am SOOOOO tired of this...Anyone knows anything about the cyst?.. Good luck to you Vicky, keep me posted please... talk to you later. CUTIE


vicki - February 18

cutie, i'm sure that everything will be fine. i've heard of women with cysts still having children with no problem. i don't know much about them other than they are painful. my mother had them in her early 40s and had a complete hysterectomy. she was done having children though and she also had some tumors. they weren't cancerous though. she had the hysterectomy for pain relief. i will pray that you can get the $ for the ultrasound. maybe they can find out that it is not that bad (hopefully). maybe if you try like crazy, when you have this ultrasound you'll be pregnant! :-) that would be nice huh? good luck & keep us posted! ~vicki


Lindy - February 19

Vicki, my partner and I went through this for 3 1/2 years. (I am now 30). Finally now I am 12 weeks pregnant. I used to be sooooo upset about not falling pregnant and thinking that it must have been something wrong with me (because he already has a child from a previous relationship). Please never give up, because I am definitely living proof that miracles can happen. Best of luck to you Vicki, I'm sure it will happen for you too!.



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