ttc but bf pulls out claiming "habit"- tips to conceive?
6 Replies
Cynthia - September 10

My bf/common law dh of over 7 years knows it's getting late, since I'm 27 and he's 29, and ideally we would both want more than one child, but he keeps stalling. When he feels in the mood and I don't, he "seduces" me by promising to have unprotected sex, but then he consistently pulls out and makes excuses. He has told me on numerous occassions that he does want kids but he feels that maybe the only way he would be ready for it is if it happened "by accident." Personally I prefer it when people are direct about what they want and apply all available resources to getting it, but apparently with men sometimes the indirect approach is all they can handle. The only problem is, as I have told him, either one of us could be infertile, to which he responds that we could adopt. I always tell him that the only way to find out is to try continuously for a year or more, and it could take that long to get pregnant, and after trying for at least a year, there is a long process to adopt, and I have wanted children really, really badly for about three years already. Pulling out and then scrambling to get a little bit in while he plays games trying to prevent it is NOT ttc, and until we actually start trying right, we can't know whether there is a problem. He jokes that if I can keep him in, then I win, like it's a competition or something. There are only a few days each month where we have a chance, and I'm tired of playing the "every sperm is sacred" routine, and I wish he would just deposit it where it belongs. It's tough enough for a lot of people to get pregnant when they are actually trying everything they can. So, as ridiculous as this sounds, does anyone know of something that can increase my chances if I have to keep scooping it off my stomach and in where it belongs? I mean, will it swim up or do I need to deposit it a certain way with my fingers? How long will they live in the air, how much of it do I need to get in there, etc.? Surely with all of these teenagers dropping out babies like snack machines drop out candy bars, some people must be getting pregnant WITHOUT EVEN TRYING even though the man is pulling out. So surely if I try the right things, I can correct his convenient mistakes that he makes during my fertile days. By the way, I'm ONLY looking for technical advice here, not emotional advice, the reason I provided all the background is so that people understand that there is no trickery involved here, this man is well aware that I have baby fever and he is alternately feeding it and then thwarting it, so it's time I took matters into my own hands, and I need some techinical advice on ways to improve our chances of conceiving.


Krystle - September 10

Are you charting your cycle on fertility friend or tcoyf? If you could pinpoint exactly when you O you would have the best shot at it. I know air kills some of the sperm but definitely not all of them. Sorry i don't have better advice for you but I am sure someone will. Good Luck to you


Cynthia - September 10

I haven't been doing temps but sometimes I use the LH strips, though not every month. But in general, I track my fertile days and we do the deed at the right times enough days that it should be happening, except it's just that because he keeps pulling out it's not going all the way back where the fertility pages say it needs to. I'm glad to hear that the ones I do put in are not getting killed all off by the air, at least. This information seems to be so difficult to find.

I have to vent-- it's frustrating because I drive home from work at the same time when the school kids are walking home, and I know all those pregnant high school girls walking down the street weren't just having unprotected sex and letting their little teenage boyfriends e inside them, bcause they are old enough to have taken sex ed and learned that you don't do that unles you want a kid. Some of them had to be using the pull out method as an attempt at birth control. Unless they wanted a baby. There they are, pregnant so young that they have time enough left to have 6 or 7 more kids of they want to, and showing off their bellies in the tightest clothes possible to get attention. I feel like I'm living in a village in the third world where girls get married at 14 years old and show off their pregnancies to the whole village to spite the older women who still haven't had kids.


to Cynthia - September 10

I know you are concerned about your clock, but it sound to me that you db is not ready to be a daddy. Until he is, my advice is to wait. He is probably telling you what he knows you want to hear, but he himself is not ready. I would have a serious talk with him to see why he is so scared about being a dad. Is it finances, responsibility, fear of getting older ect. He is pulling out for a reason. I doubt it is habit. Maybe you to should tie the knot. You have been together longer than a lot of married couples I know so why not? Maybe this will help him see you are committed to him, thus committed to a family? As for advice on how to get the guys where they need to be. I'm not sure what to say. You are most fertile around 14 days before your cycle is to start. You may want to bd on those days to increase your chances. Good Luck. And have a serious talk with your man. Find out why he keeps doing this.


M'Rita - September 12

Hi Cynthia,
I agree with the lady above. You really do need to talk to your bf, so that you know once and for all, if he is serious about starting a family or he still needs more time. That way you can be sure. It seems to me that he is playing some sort of games with you and babies are not toys. Talk to him honey and keep us posted. Also, put your legs up for 15-20 min after BD.
Good Luck.


Being technical - September 12

Ok - unlike others, I am not giving you emotional advice... You don't want him to pull out? Be on top. You're in control and he has no where to go :) (Make sure you are ovulating and definatley orgasim AFTER him... )


me - September 12

Being on top is not the best way to get pregnant since the sperm can fall out when she gets off him (sorry tmi), however you have a better chance when at least some sperm gets in there as opposed to pulling out :) You do need to have a heart to herat with him. Maybe tell him to stay in when he gets close to coming, actually tel him to stay in, so he doesn't "habit" or "forget" and pulls out. Good luck.



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