Think This Month Is A Bust, Because Of Dh & Lack Of Sex :(
20 Replies
sherry - November 10

i was so happy that i got a great +++ finally on my opk, and had the fertile mucus, which i hardly ever see, the cervix was soft open, and all systems were a-go, but thanks to good old dh, and his lack of willingness to bd enough with me, i think my chances are lower then 2%, and they could have been soo much higher. i got alot of "i'm too tired", and a couple days he had a bad belly, but come on, all i needed was his sperm, he didn't have to do me the best he ever has, i would have done all the work, but i got the cold shoulder, and now it's gonna cost me another month *sigh*...we bd the day before my darkest ++ test, and the night of the darkest ++ test. the next 3 days after i got nothing but excuses. i don't even care to enjoy sex, i feel like i just want his sperm, and he wasn't giving it up. i feel so sad and rejected now. i wouldn't talk to him last night, and he can't even understand why i was upset, turned my back to him, and went to sleep. why oh why did he do this to me????? sherry

 

Staci - November 11

Sorry Sherry I know the feeling. My dh kind of fell down on the job as well. I haven't gotten a +OPK, but I was wanting to make for sure we had sex before he left town on Wed. Well Monday night he was too tired and couldn't get off, Tues night he had a really bad headache, and then there was Wed morning. Well he is not a morning person so that was out of the question! So I was a little miffed to say the least, but I didn't say anything. I have just been praying I don't get an +OPK this month until he gets back. If I do, he better not be too tired from his trip to put out. LOL I took clomid this month and I am cd 15 and still haven't O'ed. Hang in there girl! I feel ya!

 

chicks - November 11

Hi Sherry! Question... Do you tell DH that you are ovulating? The reason that I ask is that it's a proven fact that some men seem to have "performance anxiety" when they know that the sex is going to count.. Try to make it as fun as possible and just don't tell him that you're going to ovulate.. That way, he'll never know when it's happening and he won't feel pressured.. Have you tried talking to him about why he feels the need to make excuses when it's that time? I hope you don't get upset at me for writing this, it's just a different spin on things.. Maybe there's an underlying reason why he's making excuses.. Just a suggestion, but try to make it as fun as possible! Good luck to you and Staci as well! BABY DUST to both of you!

 

Beth - November 11

Hi Sherry! I know how you feel. My husband and I had sex maybe twice this month. What's their problem? Men are supposed to want sex! It makes it harder on us, because we don't know if it's because we're infertile, or just not having enough sex. Men!!

 

me - November 11

I understand your frustration. I totally agree with Chicks though. Men are weird when it comes to "feeling used" just for their sperm. Try to make it fun and don't let him know you have a purpose for it. Also, this worked for me, I explained to my hubby just how crucial it is and how small the window of conception actually is. This seemed to put things in perspective for him too. Now it is kind of a joke to us. He will just say "ok, hop on" or "I need to be romanced, I am not a piece of meat". So I kiss his ear and we are good to go! Try combining all fo the above and see what happens. SOrry you missed your opportunity though. Good luck to you!

 

pl - November 11

Have him jackoff into a sterile cup, then use a syringe to inject near your cervix..

 

Mega - November 11

I'm not 100% sure you missed your fertile period. Seems like to me if you bd'ed the night before your darkest line that's probably the best time to do the deed. Not to give you false hope, but since sperm can live inside a woman for like 3 to 4 days, your best bet (so I hear) is to get those little fellows inside you a day or two BEFORE you ovulate, and also you said you BD'ed the day of your darkest +++ test too. Even better, b/c I believe that signals ov is about to take place. So hopefully this cycle isn't a bust for you after all. But you definitely widen your chances by "bding your DH's buns off!" I also agree with some of the other posters who suggest not telling him when you're about to ov. I'm curious, if you don't mind me asking, did he always have a low drive, or is this relatively new thing for him? Maybe he could see a dr, rule out physical problems. This can be indicative of lots of things for men. Sometimes I think they're more complicated of creatures than we give them credit for. LOL. But good luck Sherry!

 

pink - November 11

Sherry ; i just want you to know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! we have same problem here just he is agree to have sex but he never cum and that makes me so angry and i hate it when people say make it fun LIKE we dont know that ! you know we desided to go to doctor and let him inject his sperm inside ! im already saving money for that!i really do hope you get +++ answer this month.

 

bethp - November 11

Hi, I make it a point to not tell DH about my clycle...and it puts so much less pressure on them. My DH loves sex and rarely says no...but he did make it a point to let me know he doesn't like to feel like I want him, or want to make love with him for just the reason of conceiving.

 

sherry - November 12

no...he might figure me coming onto him more, might mean iam at my fertile time, but i never let him know outright. i know that it can be a definate turnoff to a man to feel used for his sperm, lol. i wear something sexy and "try" to get him going, but he works nights, and hardly sleeps in the mornings, so i know he does honestly get tired, and he does get a bad belly sometimes, but this month, it just wasn't a good time to be blown off sexually, cause i was really very sure of my cycle this time, and if he was just more willing my chances would have been much better. i did get some last night, but that doesn't matter anymore. oh well, maybe one of those little buggers survived long enough to reach the egg, if not, gotto hope things go better next month. good luck to all

 

sherry - November 12

pink- good luck with your iui. it was the best few hundred dollars we ever spent. (i have a daughter from my 1st iui. we might go that route again, if things don't happen within the next 5 months or so) hope it happens for you girl.

 

to Pink - November 12

Shame you get angry so easily. Someone asked for advice and we gave it. If you know to "make it fun", others may not, since they asked for our advice and suggestions. I guess you are the type that gets mad when some women suggest "relax and it will happen" too. If you don't want advice, then stay off the forums.

 

sherry - November 12

pink, do you mean me? i didn't think i said anything wrong?? hugs, sherry

 

RR - November 12

Hey! I know what it is like, My dh has problems finishing when he knows it is around the time that I am ovulating. The thing that worries me about Sherry's post is you said you "don't even care to enjoy sex, I feel like I just want his sperm, and he wasn't giving it up" I know how it feels when you have to "schedule" sex but if you are not even caring wether you enjoy it then I think that you need to re-evaluate your situation. I had to do the same thing 3 months ago. I had a similar month and let me tell you I just wanted to get it done at the right time. After words, while laying with my butt on a pillow and waiting, I realized this is not what I want from my marriage and how infertility or TTC was ruining our relationship and why would I want to bring a child into a relationship that was on the rocks or not so hot. While we still have to bd around the right times, I make sure that we have a date night, or cuddle and watch a movie, etc. but the important thing, I think, is that we do that all month long. I don't want him to feel like I only need him when I get a + OPK or that I don't enjoy sex with him, and heck- I want to enjoy the sex. We took a month off of TTC so we could just reconnect and figure things out and then the next month was so much better. You are not alone but honey- you should enjoy the baby making so that you will be even more happy knowing the baby was conceived in joy not robotic love making. Just my opinion. I have been there and that is what I found. Oh yeah, just so you know, after taking our month off and just getting to know each other we are on 2nd month after and we just got a BFP on an hpt!

 

pink - November 12

i didnt get mad ! until you are not in our shoes you wont know what we are talking about ! they have low sex drive and nothing helps them ! not sexy clothes not romantic place nothing !!! just hope and prayers!

 

pink - November 12

SHERRY; you didnt say anything wrong and was just missundrestanding with some other lady! i also gone give us 2 months time and then we go to doctor i have no kid is good you have your dauther i really do hope you get your answer in this 5 months! !land lots of hugs back to you...by the way did you have to take pill or do somthing before your iui?

 

SHERRY - November 13

HEY PINK...OH OK, SORRY BOUT THAT. I MISSREAD! I THINK NO TTC SEX IS GREAT, IF YOU ARE FEELING THE PRESSURE BURN AT THAT TIME. WE HAVE A WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP, IT'S JUST THAT FOR THOSE FEW DAYS A MONTH, IT'S VERY "CLINICAL" SEX. I JUST TRY NOT TO LET HIM ON ABOUT THAT, BUT HE KNOWS IAM SURE. AFTER YEARS OF TTC YOU GET THAT WAY, BUT ASIDE FROM THAT "PRESSURE" THE ELEMENTS OF OUR SEX LIFE ASIDE FROM THIS, HAVE ALWAYS BEEN WELL. SOMETIMES NOTHING MAKES IT EASY TO GET HIM IN THE MODD, THOUGH WE ARE FOREVER TRYING. YES PINK WE USED CLOMID WITH IUI. HUGS

 

Message:


New to the forum?

Sign Up Here!


Already a member?
Please login below.





Forgot your password?
Need Help?