Really need your advice on getting pregnant / indeciveness..
10 Replies
Tiffany - October 6

This is my first time writing here. My husband's 31 and I am 22, we've been married 3 years this December. He makes a good living; I've stayed at home since I graduated and don't have plans to work. We're on the fence thinking about kids. When we see people screaming at their kids and having a bad time, we are hesitant to have them. But there's all the good moments we see too, and I cry thinking about all the good times we could have being a nice family. Now we finally have a large home, good amt. of $. We tried for over a year going at it every nite forgetting about cycles and eggs. And we tried the clearblue easy monitor for 2-3 months earlier this yr., always get a period.

It's very emotionally taxing on me because my hopes always get up, and come crashing down and I doubt myself & our desire to have kids. Honestly I'm an impatient person, it's a trait I can't ignore. How do you really know if you want kids? I generally have a problem with indeciveness; but I manage to get by.

I just wish it would happen already and I'd be so happy one way or the other; but it seems like we're in limbo and it really hurts me. It doesn't hurt him as much, but he may just not talk about it. We've cried together about it and it hurts. I just don't want to spend thousands of $'s going to fertility places and getting my hopes up more to have them crashed.

I have very regular cycles, never miss a month anymore. We've both lost a lot of weight in the last year and a half and we both eat extremely naturally now. Barely any junk in our diet. We walk almost every nite together.....we're pretty heatlhy...

your advice is very, very appreciated.....


Indi - October 6

Hi Tiffany,

It sounds like you do want kids, otherwise you wouldn't be crying together about it. It also sounds like you and your husband have a wonderful relationship. My advice is to go see a doctor. You don't need to go into any fertility treatments, just get a checkup....check your hormones, check his sperm count, etc. It doesn't sound like you are too pressed about having biological children so if you don't want to deal with infertility treatments, you might want to consider adopting. There are lots of kids and babies who need homes out there.


K - October 6

Sounds like you want kids but you are afraid of being disappointed so you doubt your choice. Definitely see a dr. And it doesn't have to be those scenes with screaming kids! Those are parents who have lost control. Just study up on discipline etc. I have two great kids that I barely have to discipline. I think the show Super Nanny has great ideas for that stuff (sounds silly I know).


Judi - October 6

Tiffany, I would definitely advise some fertility testing for both of you. My husband and I tried to conceive for 3 1/2 years with no luck, which I didn't understand because my periods were always regular and I always got positive results on ovulation tests. I had some preliminary fertility testing and everything was normal. Finally he agreed to have a semen analysis, and we found out what our problem was. His motility and morphology (movement and shape of the sperm) are both very low, even though his overall count is high. We were referred to a reproductive endocrinologist, who suggested that we try IUI (intrauterine insemination), although he wasn't very hopeful. We did one cycle of IUI and I got pregnant. (The doctor told us later that our chances of conception through IUI had only been about 5%. He's still amazed that it worked.) I'm now 10 weeks pregnant, and we've seen the baby on ultrasound and heard the heartbeat. We are both overjoyed, but I really wish we hadn't waited so long to do this. We could have avoided a lot of heartache. My husband understands that now and says he's very sorry that he didn't get tested much earlier. Even if something isn't quite right with one of you, there is probably a good chance that you will be able to conceive with the help of medication and/or technology. (Also, IUI isn't nearly as expensive as IVF.) If we only had a 5% chance and we conceived, there is hope for anyone. Good luck to you...I know what you're going through.


SHERRY - October 7



Tiffany - original poster - October 7

Dear everyone, thanks for your help so far.

Dear Judi, I see IUI works, I read a little about it online. We have heath insurance, an ob/gyn will cost us only $20 copay. I'm just scared of doctors..I'm seeing what my husband says... May I ask how much it costs about for an IUI procedure?

I don't even remember my last ob/gyn exam. What goes on during that exam ....and do you talk about fertility options there? (Because we've been trying years now). I'm so in the dark about all this. I don't want to jump to IVF because we're not that desperate and I heard it costs a lot of $. I wanted to know cheaper options that have a good success rate. Thanks for telling me about IUI....when do they decide to try that option? Is there like a chain of procedure "this doesn't work, try the next thing"?



Mega - October 7

Hi Tiffany. The cost of IUI varies place to place & RE to RE, but it'll cost us around $300 for the actual procedure ($150 for the IUI & $125-150 for the sperm washing) + about $25 for Clomid & $45 for the trigger shot. IUI may cost a little more if paired with injectibles, but since you're regular that's probably not necessary for you. We're waiting for my cyst to clear up & then we're going for our first IUI hopefully in early Nov. I'm a little different in that we have both male & female issues, but I agree with Indi & K & Judi, it's important to get your DH tested. Easy, simple first step. Good luck! It's natural to be a little scared. Having kids is a big change in the family dynamic but I'd doubt you would've sought this website if you didn't truly believe having kids would be fulfilling. Hang in there!


Judi - October 7

Tiffany, my IUI procedure itself was about $500. Now, they put me on fertility meds as well even though I was ovulating normally, to increase our chances of conception, so those of course cost extra. (I ended up producing two eggs that month, but only one was fertilized.) Also, the bloodwork and ultrasounds (I had 2) were around $300 each time. It was much, much less than IVF would cost. We are fortunate enough to have very good infertility coverage, so we just had to pay $30 for each visit and $15 for each medicine. Your first step would be to see your OB/GYN and tell your doctor that you've been trying for so long with no success. They'll probably do some testing on you first. (I had an X-ray of my fallopian tubes to make sure they weren't blocked, and then they did a progesterone blood test after ovulation to make sure I was ovulating normally. My insurance covered all of this.) Then they will want your husband to have a semen analysis. After my husband's first test, they referred him to a urologist, who repeated the test and also examined him. Both he and my OB/GYN thought we would be good candidates for IUI, because my husband does have a high sperm count, but due to the dead/dying sperm and the abnormally shaped sperm, the healthy ones couldn't move around enough to get to the egg. Having the sperm washed to remove the unhealthy sperm, and then depositing the remaining healthy sperm directly into the uterus gives you a much greater chance of conception. Often they do agree to let you try IUI first since it's much less expensive and less invasive, unless they have a reason to believe that it just won't work at all (i.e., if your husband were sterile or had a very, very low count). I think IUI has a 20% success rate per cycle, at least at the clinic we went to, so it may take several months before you're successful. If it doesn't work after about six months, they would probably then recommend IVF. Definitely talk to your OB/GYN about this, because they can give you more information and tell you about fertility clinics in your area. Even taking this step will make you feel better and not quite as hopeless. I hope this helps, and I will keep you in my prayers. Feel free to ask me any questions you have, and I'll help if I can. I can tell you's been a long and frustrating road for us, and the things we've had to do haven't been fun, but it was all worth it. I would do it over again in a heartbeat. It has also brought my husband and me closer together and made our marriage even stronger.


Tiffany -poster - October 7

Thank you gals for all your help thus far. You promoted me to get an ob/gyn exam even though I'm pretty scared of doctors for some unknown reason. I called and setup an exam for later this month, and they sounded very friendly on the phone. We'll see what's wrong with me ;-) I found out from my insurance that if I need IUI or IVF, thankfully, with a doctor's referral, it'd only cost my copay, which is amazing. It's nice to hear that Judi and Sherry got pregnant this gives me hope. Or if some other method works, that'd be great too. They told me I should start taking prenatal vitamins. I have folic acid is that good enough, 1 per day? I actually feel excited like there's some sliver of hope again!


Judi - October 7

Tiffany, I would go ahead and ask your doctor for a prescription prenatal vitamin. Those are the strongest and will have the most of what you need, especially the folic acid. That's really important before conception to prevent spina bifida. My doctor gave me samples of three different kinds so I could try them and see if any of them made me sick. I take Duet vitamins, and I've never had any problems with them. They will give you more energy as well. I'm glad to hear that you've made an're taking the first step! Also, that's wonderful news about your insurance. Between my exam, the IUI, ultrasounds, blood work, and medications, we would have paid about $2000 for one cycle, but with our insurance it only cost us around $200. I know quite a few people who've been through this and have no infertility coverage at all. Please keep me posted on how things are going for you. Good luck!!!


sheena - November 22

I am 21 my husband is 26 and there is not one doubt in my mind i do not want to have a baby! Make sure you are ready?Good luck!!



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