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Stacie - stop and breathe....Remember, you attract what you think and feel. Take a moment and focus your energy, and every piece of you and what it feels like to be 9 months pregnant - your big belly out front carrying your beautiful child. Focus on your smooth delivery and holding your beautiful baby. Don't focus on what you don't want - the number to go down. Focus on that you already have what you want - a doubling beta, but more importantly your baby. Hold that image, focus on your baby and bring him/her into your mind. You can do this - these specific steps you can do right now. Let the freaking out go - you freaked out, now it's done. Next, you need to breathe. And then you need to focus on your beautiful healthy baby. We are all here for you - your numbers are perfect, they will double and you will carry THIS baby to term - focus that enery. You can do this and we are all here with you every step. You are not alone, you are carried by everyone of us. We can do this together. First step, let freaking out go. SEcond step, breathe. Third step - focus on what you want and keep that image and thought with you every step. I believe, and I know you do too. With much love!!!! |
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Meme--trying to breathe and still having trouble. I know I should send positive energy out and expect good things but...still trying. Thank you for the encouraging words. I will try. |
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Stacie, I know (as do each one of us) what it is like to freak out. I still have my moments. And remember just a few short days ago when my beta didn't double? Major freak out on my end. But you do need to understand that your numbers are perfectly normal and exactly where they should be. We know how badly you want this. We want it for you just as badly. Keep breathing, and promise me that when I have my next freak out, you'll remind me about this :) |
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At 15dpiui/ov my HCG was 1477!!!! That was twins. Stacie your 100 at 15dpo is consistent with a normal singleton. It's the 88 at 17dpo that was low. But even the 88 can't really be said to have been 'bad" since you never know exactly when implantation takes place. As long as the numbers rise consistently, that's all the doc really cares about. Your fears are completely justified, but you have got to stop comparing the numbers with this pregnancy and your last. They are two totally different embryos. How do you know that this one isn't hearty and strong, while the last one was just not strong enough to make it? You don't. Trust me, all of us would be walking around with the same fears as you, afraid to be happy for fear of it ending in a broken heart again......walking on eggshells, having anxiety during this crucial time. I was never at ease until well into my 13th week. That was when my shoulders started to relax and I felt more able to be happy and say, "I am actually pregnant." It's not easy. We are here for you to express your fears, but you have to know that the reality is, you are going to have to deal with your fears because they don't go away. I still have fear all the time. My current fear is what if this baby comes out and something is wrong with her and it was because of something I took for a migraine while PG with her, or the coffee I had in the morning??? AND, I am also dealing now with the fears of premature labor and labor itself! So you see, your anxiety will just switch from one subject to another! I like Meme's advice on just breathing and staying focused on looking at the present to the future. Looking back will only drag you deeper into not being able to breathe and will pull negative energy toward you. Nobody is saying you need to put a smile on your face and be happy you are PG, we are just saying take the focus off the past and create your future in your mind. Dare to dream. |
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Laurie, regardless of how many days of shots you have to do, 7 is not as bad as it seems. I think I stimmed for like 7 or 8, and I actually looked forward to taking my shots because they didn't hurt, and it was exciting to think I could do something that would actually get my eggs growing. Good luck this cycle!!!! Rachel, I'm happy to hear you and DH are communicating again. Sometimes it takes heartache to teach us things about the world, ourselves, and others. We come out on the other side of pain saying, "Well, that was worth it." As for our house. The whole process is kind-of on hold. Long story, but DH's dad is putting the down payment on our house for us, pending the sale of his Vermont "mansion" and there is a stand-still with that deal now, so all we can do is wait. They were VERY close to closing on the Vermont house this past week when the prospective buyers decided they wanted to find something wrong with it so they could bring the price down more. My FIL is no sucker and his home is in perfect condition, so he is playing hardball right back with the buyer because he knows what they are trying to do. So we wait, and possibly lose the house we want to other buyers. We are Ok with that though, because we are just grateful that he has such generous, wonderful parents, and there are plenty more where that house came from. It's a buyers market here and there is a lot of new construction going on here too, so the competition to sell is fierce. OK, my pregnancy carpal tunnel is driving me mad here, so I am going to take a short break from the computer. TTYL> |
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Okay ladies. I am doing better today. I am going to try and live in the moment and enjoy being pg. (easier said than done, but I am giving it my best) In fact, my mom and I are going to Khol's today and I think I am going to pick up something for the baby. Don't know what, but something sweet. Positive thoughts are what I am working for. Thanks to all of you for talking me off the ledge. Shall we chalk it up to me being hormonal? Natasha--I realize you are gone already but I hope you have a good trip. Laurie--not sure about follistim. I did the gonal-f thing. If you take the shots in the belly, it really isn't all that bad. After you get the first one done., it will be pretty easy. When I started, I iced the injection shot and it helped that I didn't feel anything. This last cycle, I was shooting up without hardly thinking about it. You'll see. The mental thing about giving yourself a shot is the hardest thing to get through but you will get over that pretty fast. I know this will be the thing that brings the bfp for you! Rachel--all I can say is yeah! I am so happy for you! I think that sometimes we need to get to a really low place to help us regroup and evaluate our lives. We always come out the other end a much stronger and happier person! Again, I am so happy for you! Does this mean you'll cycle with Laurie this month? Tracy--Thanks for sharing that I am not the only one with fears. You did help me, probably more than you could know. I am sure that all will go well with the rest of this pregnancy. Your little girl is a fighter and will stay put as long as she possibly can. I can't wait to see her actual picture and compare it to your 3d pics. She will be here so soon! Yeah! Sorry the house is on hold. Hopefully the buyers for your fil's house will wise up and take the deal so you can close soon. Keeping my fingers crossed. Karen--so our beta numbers are similar? That does help to reassure me. I hope mine double like yours did for the third beta! How are you feeling lately? Meme--thank you for all that you do...my voice of reason. I so needed what you said yesterday and it was perfect. Thank you. Well I hope I got everyone. If I missed someone, I am sorry. I'll check in again later. Take care. Stacie |
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Hi all - Stacie, I'm so glad you are feeling better. I know it's hard not to worry and if the worrying would do ANY good I would tell you to go for it. However, we have all proven that worrying is just plain useless. I love that you are going shopping - I say throw yourself into being pregnant - you are pregnant!! Buy two things for the baby! Meme, I have officially appointed you my "life coach" just reading your posts centers me - you are going to be an incredible mom (very soon)! Are you going to test on Friday? Tracy, I hate to hear about the house deal being shaky. I will tell you that when we bought our house it was not my original choice and now I love it! For varoius reasons this house ended up being much better for us. At home things have been really good for us. I have a much better outlook these days. My parents were married 37 years and as we all know that can't be easy. The more problems we solve together will make us that much stronger. This was just a really rough time for us and we are better for it. We start the injections tomorrow, this re monitors much more closely that my last re so lots more of closing the store and driving 40 miles to drop off some blood and give them a little more money. It will all be worth it. Funny, it all goes according to plan I should have my IUI on the 18th -my 37th birthday! Laurie, how are you doing? Karen, how are you? Is the 15th your next appointment? Dana, I don't blame you for not hanging around here too much - I hope you are quite busy making vacation plans - I'm still thinking of you all the time :) Rachel |
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Meme, ditto on the life coach comment by Rachel. I feel that absolutely. We all adore you! My dh and I are having a rough patch although it has nothing to do with TTC!! In addition to taking all the responsibility for our fertility stuff, I am supposed to plan our house. I feel like I keep all our #@!# together and I do NOT want to be responsible for all of the house plans. What is so funny is that he has all these restrictions (one and a half story, unfinished basement, straight lines, etc. So basically I told him where I wanted him to put stuff (ahem) and tried to leave it to him. IN addition, I have been in denial that this lovely TINY farmhouse we are renting now has squatters of the small furry rodent variety. Today's discovery, kitchen dwellers!!! AAAHHHHHH!! Imagine the smell of bleach wafting....Okay, thanks for letting me blow off steam. Ladies, I apparently am only doing three days of follistem. Is this not right? I do want to compare protocols. Natasha, that is awesome that your family is helping with all the baby necessities. That can get quite pricey. Are garage sales big in Canada? Karen, how are you feeling? Are you one of the lucky ones on the morning sickness? I am having a slight case of PMS. Okay, maybe not so slight. Tracy, you will end up in the house you are wiling to have. As soon as I am speaking with dh again, I will start to do positive affirmations and visualizations about our house. This topic has reminded me that I need to be grateful for what I do have. Rachel, positive vibes. Af has not started for me yet, but I expect her any time. Then onto the next step. Laurie |
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Well, I did buy something sweet and am feeling stronger. I'll update tomorrow with nice high beta numbers. Sleep well wonderful ladies. Stacie |
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Good morning everyone. Stacie, I am sending lots of good wishes for a nice beta today! Rachel, glad things seem to be back on track with dh...and with ttc. Yea to starting the injectibles today! Tracy, I just know that you will end up with the house of your dreams...even if it isn't this particular one. Laurie, house planning can be so stressful. And yuck about your infestation. I will tell you that I used to live just out of Washington DC and we had a huge rat problem...not inside, but the very sight of them outside made me cringe and cry like a little girl :) Meme, all kidding aside, you SHOULD look into becoming a life coach. They are quite popular right now. You could make lots of money and we can all be your references! As for me, I am still feeling fairly "unpregnant". I have times when I have more cramping and sore bbs, but for the most part I really honestly cannot say that I feel pregnant. I am 5w5d today, so I think maybe still a little early for some of the heavy duty morning sickness, although some women do get it right away. I don't feel sick at all. It is an awful feeling to think that one "wants" morning sickness, but then again it might be nice to have something to hold onto that says I am definitely pregnant. My u/s still seems a lifetime away. I am using Meme's advice, and I just visualize the test and hearing the heartbeat. Oh, and I am now 1 day past where my last pregnancy ended, so that was a psychological hurdle to cross. So please, keep sending me those sticky baby vibes. I'll check back in later to hear Stacie's results. |
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Karen, I didn't get morning sickness until late in week 6 and even then, it wasn't as horrible as it could have been since I had twins in there. I remember week 5 very vividly because I was in the Keys with my family, and trust me, the only thing I felt was HUNGRY!!!! Thanks for the house pep talk. I am really bummed because the more I research, the more I realize what a great deal this house is, and that it is going to slip through our hands. You cannot find a four bedroom around here for less than 500,000 and they are asking about 480,000 because the lady is so eager to sell. But between my DH and his father, thay are trying to get it for less, and I just don't think the lady is stupid enough to lower her price anymore. Plus, Papa isn't ready to put the money down yet since his Vermont house isn't sold yet. UGH. I do have faith that things will work out for us regardless, I just wanted this crap done before the baby came. Stacie, really hoping for good news for you. I want you to give me goosebumps!!! (I get them when I read that one of my thread buddies gets a BFP!) |
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Hi ladies. I am so sad right now...it isn't good news. My beta dropped to 94 today. It looks like my fears will be realized and will mc #2. The doctor wants me to keep taking the meds, but we all know that dropping numbers mean it most likely isn't viable. Why would he want me to continue to torture myself? I don't think I'll continue with them. He's supposed to call us this evening to talk about everything. I am so sad and my heart hurts so much. Doesn't seem right. I would be a good mom, but am beginning to feel like it will always end this way. To top it off, my bbs started to hurt today...how cruel is that? Now my mind keeps going to my 35th birthday next month and all the statistics. I am not in a good place right now, I guess. I am sorry to bring everyone down because I know we are trying to be positive here but I just hurt so much. I wanted it soooo bad. I need to go cry some more...stacie |
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Stacie, my heart is aching for you. Have you spoken with the re yet? Don't want to give you any false hope, but could the falling beta be the result of vanishing twin since you did implant 4? I know there is nothing I can say right now to make this situation any better, just know that we are here for you and hurt right along with you. |
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Stacie...I don't know what to say. All I can think is that it just isn't fair, and that I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I'm sitting here literally shaking my head, I just don't believe it. My thoughts/feelings are with you so much that I too am now crying. It doesn't help you, I know... Just know that we're all here for you. You've every right to feel sad, frustrated, anger, grief. I want to be positive and think there's still a chance, but I suspect that would just make you feel worse. I'm so sorry for what you're going through... Please know that you can share anything, and we're here to listen and support you through all of this. |
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I'm so sorry Stacie...lotsof hugs to you. Let us know what the Re says. Thinking of you and sending lots of love and warmth your way. |
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Hi. The re called and talked to dh. I couldn't talk to him...too hard. He was very sympathetic and talked dh into at least cont. meds until Tues. He said there is a five to ten percent chance there was a vanishing twin situation and that is why the numbers are not where they should be. Seems so much like last time. I think I have cried myself out for the time being. Thanks everyone. stacie |
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