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Amylynette: Well you know how it is.. it's not just about having the baby it's about being pregnant also. It would be like your husband carrying the baby for you... you still would feel that aching want to be pregnant. My partner in no way wants to be pregnant.. we laugh about it and say it would just be wrong lol... a bit like Shane in the L word wearing a dress haha! If that was the only option then we would but were not ready to give up yet. I have had 2 children naturally when I was 16 and 18 my problems just seem to have gotten worse as I've gotten older. I think to be honest if she carried the baby I wanted to carry so desperately I wouldn't be able to help but feel jealous and the aching to be pregnant wouldn't go away. We found our donors on co-parent.net you have to pay for it but I mailed then and asked them to delete my account because I can't even ready my messages unless I pay... they wrote back and gave me 3 months free trial :)

Hollymouse: I am SO sorry AF got you. I know how you feel.. you get AF and then you just lose hope for a while... then you get yourself psyched up again as you near O day and cant help but try again. It's a horrible rollercoaster. This month I am trying to be more relaxed.. saying that we are concentrating more on this guy we have staying with us... he's.... well we can't wait to have our home back put it that way!! I think it's harder when you are not in a man/woman rel because you can't just make love and hope for the best. You have to time everything soooo precisely and rely on someone else to be trustworthy to turn up etc... its so mechanical and not very private. I wish we could just crawl into bed and connect and hope to make a baby. Unfortunately by the time you are finished plotting and planning for the right day to do it all you can't help but have hit the obsessed point... you have to be!

Are you going to try again this month? I hope so... I think the trick is to try to do it and then relax about it.... don't obsess about it... find something big to focus on. I think when you obsess about every little thing not only do your hopes and emotions go up and down, as you convince yourself this is a sign of pregnancy or that is a sign you're not... but from what I've read most people fall pregnant when they are not trying so hard. Then I know its hard not to try so bloody hard. It's so unfair.

I work in a bar in town and I was so annoyed at this girl who comes in regularly and I realised she was pregnant... maybe 4 or 5 months. She sat there for 3 days in a row that I was there drinking about 5 or 6 pints of lager. I felt disgusted, but I have to serve her or I'll get in trouble at work. I thought heres me trying so hard to hav a bay I will love and nourish and theres you acting like an alcoholic not caring!! Grrr... what's wrong with the world??

Better luck for you next time hollymouse x

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Just an update. I did get pregnant January cycle
With boy girl twins who are now
Almost 6 weeks old and you
Know what? I wanna do it all
Over again :)

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Wow congratulations! Boy/girl twins would be just about perfect, lol. We are still trying. My cycles have actually regulated somewhat since I started a new diet; since January I have been on a low carb/high protein/low glycemic index diet. I've lost around 40 pounds and my cycles have been between 28-35 days for the past several months. Even when I weighed less than this my cycles were never regular, so I believe it has to do with the low glycemic index foods I've been eating. Well enough rambling, haha. Good luck and congratulations again!

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