My wife needs help..
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Hello board,
I have never posted here, but my wife, Marcie, posted here numerous times about a year ago.
We had tried for over 4 years to get pregnant. My wife was diagnosed with PCOS and ovarian problems. After many invasive operations and tests and drugs and tons of heartache we finnaly got pregnant about a year ago. Misscarried at 4 months and My wife is now pregnant again and is 6 months along. At first she was so excited, this is after all, what we have wanted for 5 years. She recently was diagnosed with a pelvic problem and will require a csection when the time comes. She has I believe, lost her senses. Ever since the doctor told her she would need a csection she has completly come undone. Doesnt matter how much I talk to her and reassure her and remind her how much we both want this baby. She says she would rather abort the baby then have an operation. She has gone as far as to tell my parents, who tried to reassure her, that she hates the baby for making her have to have a csection. I dont know what to do. I am scared for my child and my wife. I feel like my family is falling apart and I cant seem to help her. Last week she called doctors to see who would do a partial birth abortion, and I freaked out , I actually had to control myself, because I believe she is sick now. I called a theripist but she refuses to go. I have taken away her car keys and wont let her leave the house for fear she will try to get an abortion. I know this seems crazy, I cant believe it, she so wanted a baby, she designed the nursury with me. I am so lost. I know she used to come here and respected your opinions and I so hope for some advise or perhaps I can show her any responces that might help Iher with her fear. I have explained to her, endlessly, that an abortion at this timeis murder and would be as invasive as a csection. But she insists that a csection will kill her. i am so disgusted and scared. thank you for taking the time to read this. Matt--
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Matt, wow, you are in a really tough situation. It sounds like your wife definitely needs professional help. I think you should call your wife's ob/gyn and see what he/she would recommend, since this is pregnancy related. If necessary, you also may need to talk to an attorney in case you need to "force" your wife to get some help. Good luck and my heart goes out to you guys.
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Matt... why is she so hell bent on a c-section? A c-section is actually healthier for the baby. It doesn't have to go thru all the stress of delivery. My sister in law just had her 2nd baby by c-section last week. They don't even put you to sleep. They basically numb you from the waist down so you are alert and know everything that is going on with the baby. She can't get an abortion this far along. It's against the law to do partial birth abortions. And honestly... I'm sure if she's feeling the way she is emtionally now. If she were to lose this baby this far along, I think she would have to be admitted in a pysc ward! Just continue to support her. You may want to contact her doc and meet with them and express all the feelings she's going thru. She needs your support. After the c-section, you can't even tell their a scar... they cut it under your bikini area and it's about a 1/4 long. You really cant tell. I lose my baby at 8 1/2 months of pregnany with no explanation. So I know the pain of carrying a baby and not having it in the end. She's feels your baby moving insideof her, growing... developing it's personality, she would be devistated if something were to happen to it. especially with all these years of trying. Maybe this is her inital reaction... please just try to support her and talk to her about it being a simple procedure. Good luck and keep us posted.
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Wow...That's really sounds crazy!!!...Does she know what the "mother" means? Mother would die to save her kid life and here it's opposite!!...Why???? Is she worried about her life or to get cut on her beautiful stomuch?? Well I am giving you best suggestion DONT WORRY. Because no matter what she will say no one will do abortion after 5 months. If she will try to do abortion by taking some medicine that it will be dangerous not just for the kid but also for her. Now, she can not come back. No choice...She has to go through it...But you better keep quite otherwise she will react more and more to satisfy her ego.
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 | bj - March 16 |
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Wow! I really don't know what to say besides I'm praying for you. I've been trying for almost 4 years now, and I can't imagine feeling that way. Maybe she's scared that she's gonna lose the baby (with everything you've been through) and figures if she takes care of it now, it'll be better for her. I wish I could help in some way. Just know that someone is praying for your family. God Bless!
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Matt, I don't know what to say either, it does sound like pre-partum depression. I'm sure with all you guys have been thru, it's been difficult on her emotionally. The hormones going back and forth for years now can do a number on people.....I've been so emotional myself for the past two years....b/c I've been pregnant (now three times, I'm 21 weeks) and on hormones to help get pregnant, that my body has not been mine. I would talk with your doctor as they have all advised, and for the safety of your wife and unborn child see about admitting her to a phsychiatric hospital....seriously. My husbands co-worker had to do that with his wife, the doctors were concerned for her own safety and that of her childs...so they legally admitted her against her will. I'm sorry you are going thru this, just please be there for her and support her, hormones and chemical imbalances can make someone a completely different person....not by choice!!!
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| c - March 16 |
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woah, what happen to wanting this baby. remind her of the four years of not conceiving and finally god blessed you two with baby. she should be thankful that it finally happened. it don't matter how baby comes out just as long as baby is okay and healthy and mama is okay. she'll be fine. just reassure her how much you two have fought and tried so hard for years and finally got your wish. good luck
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Hi Matt, Number 1 you have to stay surportive, you have done well thinking of coming here to help. Would she come in here agian to talk to us? as she trusted us before maybe something is in her head that she doesnt want to tell you. I have told the girls in here things my hubby doesnt know.
I can only guess what she is feeling but my sister had a hell of a time to, she had lots of miscarages and upset over 7 years and she to had to have a C Sec and refused, she said if its not natural then she isnt having it at all. Trust me she wasnt joking!!! I know its a bit different but i found out later her thoughts were she had lost total faith in the medical profesion and she to thought she would die. But she had bad deppresion during the pregnancy and no one knew why as she had tried so had to get pregnant. It hit her hard and the only time she snapped out of it was when she went in labour, then she just kept screaming GET IT OUT. She had a c Sec and it went perfect and after she said if she ever has another baby she would opt for a C Sec again, Pain free and very safe for the baby. Hang on in there, do resurch on the net about the good stuff of a C Sec and just talk or listen to her. Remember her hormones are everywhere so be nice, she has alot to think about. I hope that helps a bit. Good luck to you all. xxxxxx
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OMG...Matt ...I am so sorry! Csection is not a dangerous operation....You are still awake....I dont fully understand what the problem is but your wife is not well. You have to speak to someone and make sure she gets help! Best of Luck
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Wow Matt, you certainly have a lot to deal with right now. She's lucky to have such a caring, concerned hubby & father to be. My initial take on it is hormones, maybe a chemical imbalance like another poster mentioned. It does happen & is quite scary. I tend to agree with those who suggested getting her professional help, even if it has to be against her will. I'm so sorry this is such a difficult time for you when it should be such a joy. A little trepidition concerning a c-section is normal, but this is beyond just a little trepidition. Maybe getting a couple of brochures will help ease her worries. Also, do you know any women who've had a c section? Maybe if Marcie could talk woman to woman with others who've been there it could help her feel better about the whole situation. Be sure though you only have people with pos. csection experiences talk to her though, otherwise it'll defeat the whole purpose of easing her mind. I'm sure it's difficult for her to have the loss of control, instead of choosing the method of labor. Please keep us posted! Hang in there. My thoughts are with you, & Marcie & your precious baby.
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Matt - We tried to conceive for 3 years before I had to do IVF due to male infertility and I had a baby girl last year. After trying for years its normal to be very anxious through pregnancy as you desperately don't want to lose the baby and very anxious after the birth as you still don't want anything to happen after its born. I know I was very scared all through my pregnancy and am still getting panic attacks now. My guess is that your wife is extremely frightened as you say she believes a c-section will kill her. This fear may seem irrational to others, but its very real for her. I think she is also testing whether you love her - as in if I die in childbirth would you care? You need her to get medical support - go to the doctor yourself if she won't go. You also need to reassure you're wife that you love her and you understand she's frightened and you'll be there for her. Giving birth for me was horrible - I was induced over 3 days - labour generally is horrible anyway but at the end of the day its a short period of your life and its worth it in the end. I hope everything works out for you, her and the baby. Please let me know if I can help more - I could show her some pictures of my baby - she's gorgeous - if it would help.
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Also I think it would help you're wife to talk to women who've gone through c-sections - try the third trimester and/or infant care sections of this site. Once she sees they are still alive she may start to be less anxious. Its normal to be scared of giving birth though.
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Matt - If you want to show your wife my baby's website (3 years ttc, IVF and complications all pregnancy - bleeding (10 threatened miscarriages, blood clot in uterus and induced labour) to show your wife its all worth it in the end - its
http://www.totsites.com/tot/sophie
Hope it all works out!
Justine
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Justine1--I couldn't resist going out on the site too. Sophie is goregous! How adorable, what a pleasure she must be for you. I LOVE the pic. of her asleep on the couch at 3 weeks with the cat looking down at her protectively.
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Mega - Thanks very much. We're so happy to finally have her and she's lovely - always smiling. Hope you get to have your own gorgeous little baby soon. It will happen! I never thought I'ld have a baby but I have now and she's lovely.
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Thank you, I hope so. I can't wait to be holding my own precious baby. Yeah, she just looks like a happy baby from her pics. And I just think 4 mos. is an adorable age too. They seem so much more aware of their surroundings.
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Matt...like so many have said, i am sorry you are going through this. I agree with Ann. Also, many people have a c-section and no issues at all. Also, so much can change up to delivery that she may not need a c-section. My friend had one last year and she seemed perfectly fine and her scar is all healed and just about 2 inches long now. Be supportive and maybe get somebooks on c-section. Much luck to you and your wife.
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