I'm pregnant, sister is not--need advice.
10 Replies
LRK - November 9

Hello all. I need some advice. My very dear-to-me sister has been trying to conceive for over a year now. I got pregnant on the second try and am now 29 weeks pregnant. They just tried artificial insemination and I think that it failed, because she did not want to talk on the phone yesterday and now would be about the time she would get her period if the process did not work.
Anyway, what is the best way to comfort her? I don't want my pregnant appearance to upset her. She has been pretty good about supporting me through my pregnancy even with her trials. It must be hard to put on an excited and happy face about my progress. But now, I don't know if she even wants to talk to me because of our difference. It must seem very unfair to her. I want to be able to cheer her up--I am her only local relative and usually when either one of us has a bad day or week, we go out to dinner to make things better. Thanks in advance for the advice.


Nic - November 9

That is a really hard situation. All you can do is be there for her if she needs to talk. I have a close friend who is pregnant and she doesnt mention things to me unless i bring it up first, I would be fine with her talking about it most of the time, but some days are harder than others. If you are that close she will open up about what she is feeling eventually, just give her space and let her know that you are there if she needs you .


Anna - November 9

I was, also, in the same situation, but the other way around. Around the time that DH and I started ttc is when both my sisters got PG. Although, I was happy for them, it was really hard for me to be around them and be excited about their pregnancies. All I wanted was to be in their shoes. They hadn't even tried to get pregnant and here I was working my hardest to make a baby and nothing was happening. They tried to say it will happen-just give it time, but they truly didn't know what it felt like to be in my shoes. I am now in my second trimester of pregnancy and feel very happy that I can be excited about their pregnancies as well. My best advice is to just be there for your sister and encourage her. She's struggling through a difficult time right now and just needs support. It's hard for other women to really understand how it feels to have infertility problems and the worst thing a person can do is make comments like.....just give it time-it will happen or something like that. For women with infertility problems, it's a very sad and frustrating time. They feel like pregnancy is never going to happen for them and everyone around them is going to continue getting pregnant and having babies. It really is a sad thought that you may never experience the miracle of bringing your own child into the world. You don't have to stop talking about your pregnancy or the joys your experiencing. Your pregnancy is an exciting and joyous occassion and she has to keep that in mind, but remember to be sensitive to her emotional needs. Sometimes she may not want to talk about your pregnancy. Don't take this personally. It's probably her own way of dealing with her sadness. Most importantly, just continue being her loving and sweet sister that it sounds like you are and things will get better. It sounds like you truly care a lot about her or you wouldn't be so concerned. Good luck and I hope your sister gets pregnant very soon!


Anna - November 9

Forgot to say congrats on your own pregnancy and I hope you have a healthy, happy baby!


Shawna - November 9

Are you the Nic from waiting for no AF Oct 23? We have a new thread, same title, but with new thread in front. Please come back!! To LRK just be supportive of your sister. It is nobodys fault that you were ableto conceive easily, while she is having difficulty. I am sure she knows that. Just let her know that you are there for her. Why don't you send her to this website? I have found a lot of support here!


LRK - November 9

Thanks for the advice. I will wait to hear from her first, though it is killing me to think that she is unhappy and I cannot help.
Good luck to you Nic, and congratulations to you Anna. And Shawna, yes I did mention this site to my sister a while back. Maybe I will try again soon. She could use the support of people who know what she is going through.


Shawna - November 10

Good luck supporting your sister LRK. I hope you get the support you need as well! Congratulations!!! My dh and I had our first child 6 years ago. We were not marries at the time, and both in our second year of university so we were definitely not trying to get pg. However, now that we are both done school and fairly secure, we are having a lot of difficulty. I stopped bcp in April, but have only had 2 periods, so I know where my problem is, I just have to fix it now. Was your sister on birth control? I am assuming they have tried everything. Were they ever given a reason for their inability to conceive? Instead of phoning her and asking her to talk, why don't you book a day together and go to the spa, do some shopping and go for lunch. The spa will help relax both of you, shopping should lift your spirits (shop for yourselves, not for baby stuff) and by the time you go for lunch or coffee, hopefully she will be relaxed enough that you can talk about her situation. I would let her bring it up though! I know you love your sister and want the best for her, but please try to enjoy your pregnancy. It was one of my most favorite times!!!


me - November 10

If it were me, I would be honest with her and talk to her about the situation. Say that you really would like her to be there through your pregnancy, but you understand if she cannot be as supportive as you want her to be. And mean it! This is a very difficult time for her, and you must be aware of that and not take it personally that she does not want to talk to you right now. If you empathize with her, it helps diffuse the situation. Also remind her that you love her and will support her as well. These things are always awkward and hard to deal with. You'll find the best way. Good luck.


Shawna - November 10

Well said me!


LRK - November 11

update: I had dinner with her last night. She looks a little tired and down, but she had a good day at work, so I think that has helped her spirits. We did not talk very much about the test results, but it sounds like she is going to be up for trying again. She looks so emotionally spent right now. It must be so hard.


Shawna - November 11

Congratulations on taking the first step with your sister! She is very lucky to have a supportive sister like you. I still suggest going to the spa, even if you get pedicures done. It is so relaxing. Plus, every woman needs some me time. You should take it now before your baby comes, life can get very crazy with a new one at home!



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