I am thinking like a bitch & i hate it.
18 Replies
Sabrina - December 4

I am sorry if this is a bit long, ladies but I seriously need to get this off my chest because I have no one here in my life I can talk to about this. I have been TTC for 2 years now (as of Dec. 05). My best friend of 15 years who I love dearly has never wanted children because she has a medical phobia & cant even have a blood test without passing out. She has always said she would never have kids for 15 years. Now, She has decided to TTC & I feel like she is doing this to slap me in the face. This month when my AF came & I told her she said “Oh well – You would have only cried anyway”. She is buying baby clothes patterns to make & she keeps talking about baby stuff she seen at the shops that was “So cute”. I know I am very wrong, I know she deserves to have children as much as I do, I know that I should not feel this way, but if she gets pregnant before me I will be devastated, and I know she will want me to help her get through the medical tests, like she has in the past for other problems…but I wont... I cant … WHY I am thinking like such a nasty bitch? Are my own insecurities going to destroy my relationship with her? God, I wish I did not feel this way…. Am I the only one who thinks like this?

 

mg - December 5

Sabrina I understand how you feel, I have been TTC for 4 months now, and I feel bad for thinking the only people who get pregnant like Mice are people who have NO business having childern. (How many times have I sat in the MD office to a 14 year girl pregnant with her 2nd child) My friend just lost thier foster child to the mother who just tested positive for cocaine and meth with her NINTH [email protected]!! Its enough to drive you crazy, but as my DH says, there are things in life you can control and things you cant, so dont let the things you cant control ruin your life. First of all let yourself feel the way you do (without her around), get it all out of your system, your not a bad person and you are entitled to your feelings. Then talk to her, she is your best friend let her know how you feel, set limits in the relationship if you need to (I cant shop with you at this time in my life.) If she is your best friend she will respect your feelings and try to work with you. Remember often when people decide to TTC they tend to jump the gun alittle, she will be very let down when it doesnt happen right away, so your experience may really help her. Its funny you grow up scared to death you will become pregnant from kissing a guy or something, and when you go to actually TTC you realize how very hard it really is. If I only knew then what I know now!!! LOL!

 

BernieB - December 5

Sabrina, You are not a bitch and I can certainly understand EXACTLY how you feel. I have also been TTC for two years, although, I had a m/c three months ago. I was due to give birth the same month as my sister-in-law, who is currently showing off her huge pregnant belly. I find it very difficult not to be bitchy, but I have to pretend that I am coping ok, as I don't want to appear jealous. She is not a very nice person and I tend to avoid her at all costs. I think you are doing well if you can be around your friend without getting upset. I don't think I could be a friend to this person, as I won't put up with someone being insensitive about AF coming. I would probably say, "well, how about you go through two years of trying and see what it feels like!". My sister-in-law was upset after trying for six months and I couldn't believe how she said to me (this is after we had been trying for 18 months) "I am so stressed...nothing is happening!" and she totally ignored our situation. With your friend, my suggestion is to help her out as much as you can BUT also make it clear that your situation means that she has to be sensitive in what she says. If she gets pregnant before you - there is nothing you can do about it. I have had to deal with my little sister getting pregnant before me and my mother-in- law stupidly said, "She beat you". It is not a race and what keeps me going is that I truly believe, even if it takes me other two years to have a baby, it will be worth it and I won't care at all about all the women in the world who get pregnant before me. Your baby is YOUR baby and nobody else's, so it will be SPECIAL, regardless of when it is born. I hope you can be strong, but allow yourself to have days when you cry and be alone with your grief. I wish you all the best and I think you will be a good friend who can prove to be supportive.

 

Sabrina - December 5

Thank you so much mg. I hope that you & your DH are blessd soon. You made me laugh.. i remember what it was like to womder wether u could get preg from kissing !! LOL... I love her to death but GOD, i wish she could understand how hurt i feel & how much of a failure i feel like. I shall take your advice on board & talk with her when it comes up again. I am just thankful to know that i can come to a site like this and find other people who understand this pain. Good Luck & Baby dust to you.

 

Sabrina - December 5

Thank you BernieB, your words are very comforting, you sound so much like me that it is scary. It is so strange you know, that the pain ladies like us feel when unsucessfully TTC for periods of time, you can feel it when you read their words. I can feel the hurt in Yours and Mg's words. I am so sorry that you had a MC it must be so very awful to feel the joy of suceess & then the pain. I sincerely hope that all works out well for you & your baby hopes are forfilled very, very soon. Hugs & baby dust.

 

Sabrina - December 5

P.S... i forgot to say, my best friend has the thickest skin... i have said that to her b4 "see how u feel after going thru 2 yrs of TTC", & she giggles. I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt because maybe she just does not know what to say... but... AArrrggghh.... Just remember girls, as you stand there looking at someone elses pregnant belly feeling the sting of pain, you are not alone, i am here doing exactly the same thing, as i just found out today thru you girls. Thank you & i hope we can find strength in each other.

 

Lori - December 5

I know exactly how you feel i feel the same way you are not being a bitch!It seems like every woman around you has no problem with this exept you but apparently this is very common around the world.

 

mg - December 5

Some people are just not very sensitive. The things that often drive us crazy about somebody are usally the things that keep the relationship together and strong. My husband is very type A personality,and is about as sensitive as a shark. Me on the other hand VERY type B and overly sensitive. He drives me crazy!! He knows just what to say or not to say to ruin my day. But deep down I really need that in him, when I am freaking out about something his few words add a whole new dimension to my thinking "Example: I am freaking out becouse I get a BFN again- his loving response-stop freaking out, your not making yourself any more pregnant by doing so, so whats the point." Its as simple as that -very Forest Gump, but brings me right back down to this world every time. I cant change him (Or bury him LOL) so I just keep loving him!

 

mg - December 5

Oh yah I forgot to make my point (See very type B) Try to take some time and think what drives you crazy about her, and then try to see it in a positive light. Sometimes the best you can do in a situation is just change your outlook on it.

 

Ashley - December 5

hey ladies...i know the feeling. my dh and i have been trying to conceive for ten months now. i was on bcp for 10 years and i have been having all kinds of problems with my cycle. i had a m/c in june. a good friend of mine, who knows what i have been going through, told me that her and her dh were thinking about kids now and then, BAM, she was preggo! as if that isnt bad enough, everything she has been doing lately is getting on my nerves...like when she gave me a christmas card and signed it from her, her dg, and the fetus!

 

kotkot - December 5

ok.. it seems that iam not alone in all of this.. ladies anew jealiouse friend has just arrived.
me myself .. i have never ever envy people for anything.. i have been all the way through comfortable with my life and satisfied ..but on the same time i used to have control over everything on my life .. i used to have decisions and work hard to make them done.. i used to creat the reality on my life and i have always feel like i am drawing my own fate and destiney ... for u mg .. u have just expressed what iam feeling of .. ur DH is totally right. the only thing that keeps me frustrated and disappointed is that i feel that i lost control over my own destiny .. believe it or not . this is exactly what keeps me down with the fertility matters .. i know now .. that there are things we cant just decide for ourselves and i cant prevent it from ruining mylife... yesterday my brother in law and his wife who is working outside the country has arrived ... 3 at this visit.. they visited us and i cant hold myself being totally frustrated .. i dont know if this is wrong or right but i couldnt hold it untill they leave .. i slept with a tearfull eyes..dreaming of my own destiny and wondering if it is gonna happen one day???

 

JEM - December 5

i know exactly how u feel sabrina, my friend has just come off bcp even tho she doesnt want a child and is havin unprotected sex with 3 different men but says if she gets pg she will abort it feels like a kick in the face to me when she knows how hard and long i have been tryingxx ur not alonexx

 

TO JEM - December 5

You need to get some new friends, my friend.

 

KC - December 5

Hey were women were intitled to think like a Bitch sometimes there is nothing wrong with that. I understnd how you can love your best friend and resent her at he same time. I have one just like her it seems to me that she only tried to try after I said that I did. (like she's tring to best me). but she's still my best friend....like mg said vent then tell her how you feel, If she is your true friend she'll respect that and then when you hold your perfect bundel of love You'll both be alittle wiser and alittle stronger :) I pray for you to have a BFP VERY soon ***BABY DUST***

 

Karen - December 5

Hi girls. I understand how you all feel. Which is exactly why I haven't told any of my friends except one, whom has been very supportive, about my DH and I TTC. It's hard to just not be friends w/ people you've been friends w/ for so long. But, I've realized that people who are toxic and negative don't help your situation and just make you feel worse. I have a friend who is pregnant right now and I just can't stand to be around her more than I have to because she whines and complains about every aspect of being pregnant. I know if I told her I was TTC she'd rub it in my face so fast. Just try to stay away from these people who really make you feel bad and ask yourself are they truely your friends!!!! Good luck!

 

Holly - December 5

Sabrina I totaly understand how you feel. My two sister-in-laws were pregnant at the same time and just had thier babies 4mnths ago. DH and I have been trying for 8yrs. I was so upset about this (not to mention that my other sister-in-law told us that she was getting married on my b-day last June). It is really tough to go through that situation..I really understand. I love my two nieces and think that they are both wonderful. I really think that the jelousy thing wears off as I realized that I had no reason to be jealous.. I have a wonderful 9yr old and wonderful DH and if I am meant to have another child it will happen when it is supposed to..not so much when I want it to. (very tough to get to that point of understanding for me). It is purely human nature to feel this way.

 

dk - December 5

i know exactly how everyone (except yana) feels in here! my best friend is 21 and already has 2 beautiful children and when she complains about having them it makes me soo mad. dh and i have been trying for little over a year now with nothing. sometimes i feel like my negative thoughts towards these (lucky) mothers who complain about having their children are what keep me from being able to become pg. mg & BB & Sabrina~ you're all wonderful women and i wish you all the best luck in ttc. none of us are wrong for thinking the way we do...it's completely natural and normal to be jealous (or a b*tch) in situations like these...someone else has what we've been killing ourselves for months trying to get. just remeber that one day we will have our own bundles of joy and then someone will be jealous of us. :o)

 

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