How do you admit defeat and leave ttc behind?

10 posts on this thread and the last post was on June 30th, 2008 9:28 PM by Teddyfinch

kamivy - June 26th, 2008 7:40 AM

I guess the title of the question says it all, we've reached the point where we have no more options without IVF with ICSI which we cannot afford. But now that the moment is here, I just can't believe it. I can't believe my 3 year old son will never have any brothers and sisters, and that the pregnancy and newborn experience I rushed through the first time while thinking "I'll take it slower next time round" is over and I won't have another chance. No more babies in the house, may as well give away the cot and change table and all those baby clothes I'd been saving. I can't spend my whole life hoping for something that is unrealistic, or I will waste it and won't do justice to my little boy. I think it's time to give up. How do you let go???

zigzag1 - June 26th, 2008 8:09 AM

Kamivy, its hard, isnt it? I think that same way every single day. It almost just takes over your life. Im going on 4 years of ttc. Ive got two children already, which I am truly blessed and thank the Good Lord every day for. Ive got boxes under my steps full of baby clothes and play toys that I just cant part with. I keep telling myself, I need to just move on, sell everything and be done. But as Im thinking this, someone close to me is pregnant or just found out, or I see a newborn or a pregnant lady, and it just keeps reminding me of how painful infertility really is. My heart goes to those who have never acutally been pregnant. I dont know whats harder, never having been, or having been pregnant and craving it so badly again. I told myself Ill give it til this summer, Ive said that for the last 3 years, and yet those baby clothes still sit. To tell you the truth Kamivy, Im not sure how to let go, because its always on your mind. I know people say, "Dont give up it will happen", but gosh, how long will that be??? I didnt mean for this to sound so depressing, but I think about this too every single day, and it doesnt get any easier.

CarolinaCowgirl - June 26th, 2008 9:30 AM

Awwwww, I'm at the beginning of my journey......but I really feel for you ladies. You have been patient, strong, willful, knowledgeable, etc for such a long time. I've been doing this seriously for one month and I'm about crazy. I just wanted you two to know that your post made me cry and I have hope for both of you! :)

clindholm - June 26th, 2008 10:14 AM

I'm not sure if this will make you both feel any better or worse, but once I actually gave up I got pregnant. I have heard alot of people say the same and I doubt it works for everyone but I could not take the emotional rollercoaster anymore. We had actually started looking into adoption (from the state b/c we could not afford the adoption agencies). I just refused to get my hopes up anymore. I wish you both luck and the babies you deserve.

Teddyfinch - June 26th, 2008 10:56 PM

it took me 7 years total. if i can stick it out, i know anyone can. don't give up just yet.

Tamika2008 - June 27th, 2008 2:08 PM

Kamivy my heart goes out to you!

I said the same thing THIS IS ONE PREGNANCY I WILL ENJOY my first two came with no problems and I took for granted the joy of being pregnant I want that feeliing back sooo bad that it hurts, everytime I turn around someone is pregnant and that really sucks, yes I'm happy for them but jealous of them at the same time, I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy the pain is unbearable, I'm at the beginning also and I'm only on my first round of clomid but my cycles don't come on without provera and that's what has me so depress, but good luck and keep trying maybe taking a break here and there, my insurance doesn't cover anything either so I'm looking into the pricing so that I can take the next step.

Blakey - June 27th, 2008 6:35 PM

Hi-I'm sorry for the hard time your having KAMIVY, and everyone who suffers from secondary infertility, I know it must be very difficult for you. I am still ttc #1. It's been a long journey. I have been with my clinc and RE now for almost 3 and 1/2 years. We are paying out of pocket, and I have done 4 cycle of IUI, and 3 cycle of IVF/ICSI. We are on a break right now, due to funds. We were blessed we had the money to persue treamtment,s and we're not ready to give up, but it has been a long journey. We have had a few bumps along the way. I did get preg. last year, in Feb. but sadly had a missed m/c at 12 weeks, it was at my first OB apt. their was no h/b, we were crushed, esp,.where we had heard the h/b at 7 weeks, we thought all would be okay, it was a nightmare. We just had our 3rd cycle this pat March, that resulted in a negative. :( We are now at a crossroads, and exploring new options etc..We know we will try again, when we have the money, and are laning towards a new option. I think women like myself finds it very difficult to have primary fertility, and yet women who have had a shild now suffer from secondary infertility, which is just as difficult, because you want another child, and now exp. problems, it must be so hard, in a different sense. I'm sorry for the heatache, it is so hard. I am hoping that Our time will come someday.. It is scary sometimes to think about everything, and what lies ahead, but I know I am being watched over, and thankfully my DH and i have grown closer from all of this. Good luck to you all, and Big hugs! XO

kamivy - June 29th, 2008 8:03 PM

Thanks for all your replies. It's a good reminder for me not to indulge in self pity, too many other women have the same problems or worse! Well done Teddyfinch on sticking it out for 7 years, your a braver woman than me. Congratulations on your pregnancy, you deserve it. I unfortunately also have endometriosis which means I'm unable to wait years and see what happens. Each month I get horribly sick and suffer a lot of pain, I don't know how much longer I can stick it out before I have to go back on the pill to lessen the symptoms. I have to think about my quality of life for the rest of my life as well - each month that passes my endometriosis gets worse, and I don't want it to get to the point that the treatments don't work any more. It's been two years. I'm going to give it til the end of the year and leave the final major decision of going back on the pill for health reasons till then. If it were just my fertility issues I might be a little more confident and try a little longer, but after getting the news of dh's infertility, there doesn't seem much point, and donor is not something either of us will consider.

rcmiller - June 30th, 2008 5:28 AM

Maybe you should all just get rid of all the baby stuff and then poof! Like magic it'll happen! Like you know when you're waiting in the car for your hubby or whomever to come back and the car's running and they're taking for freakin ever and finally you decide just to turn the car off rather than waste all that fuel? Then all the sudden he/she comes back to the car? Yah, that sounds like a great plan to me! Try it! You never know!

Bezzaismyname - June 30th, 2008 5:41 PM

rcmiller, are you having some hormonal issue's today? Cause i seen you on the other post and you are really seem like you need to talk about something. Don't be rude! These ladies on here have real issue's and real problems! Don't make fun of that. Cause if you don't have them now, you may have issue's one day and then you might be wishing that you didn't act so rudely! Kamivy i am sorry you are going through what you are going threw. I like teddyfinch have been trying for a long time, 6 years for my second child. It has not happened yet. Any how GL with what ever you decide. :0)

Teddyfinch - June 30th, 2008 9:28 PM

rcmiller strikes me as the kind of person who unfortunately was never able to have kids and feels that all other women having trouble should be miserable around her. sad really. i just pity her. and **kamivy** i am sending you baby dust!!

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