Dh asked for Divorce after 1yr TTC
16 Replies
ema52 - February 6

Dh told me he wanted a divorce because I wasn't getting pregnant. After so many months TTC and four rounds of Clomid!!! If he only knew how bad it's been with the effects of Clomid!! I feel really bad. I don't know what to do. I just started ovulating today...we were suppose to do this together. I feel like a failure, alone, and miserable. I couldn't sleep last night and finally cried myself to sleep. Dh didn't even have the nerve to sleep in the same bed as me. He won't even talk to me. He told me he was going to pick up his things today and leave. We have been married for 3 years! And NOW he's telling me that he wants a divorce. Please pray for me. I feel like God have forgotten about me!

 

tanner789 - February 6

honey i know this sounds heartless but fuck him, how dare a man say he's your husband and abadons you b/c you havent coneived yet, theres still plenty of time and even if you may never conceive (if that was the case) marriage is for better or worse, and you should be kicking his ass out the door, that just frustrates me to hear this b/c i cant ever imagine my hubby saying that. the ttc thing is something you do together, how would he feel if you were divorcing him b/c he had a low morbid sperm count and you hadnt conceived after a year, so you decided to leave him. i think there may be more to the case here b/c honestly can someone be this low and hurtful and leave someone b/c they havent conceived after a yr. i feel for you girl but please think if this is someone you wanna be having a child with anyhow.

 

ema52 - February 6

Everything was going so well. I think he's just using the infertility as an excuse. I love him. I can't think of losing him. He doesn't even know why we couldn't conceive. He was suppose to get a sperm count, but he refused. My doctor told me that everything was okay with me. I had difficulty ovulating, but after Clomid, I began ovulating okay. The most difficult thing is how in the world am I suppose to let my family know? We watched the Super Bowl with my family over the weekend and everyone was really excited that we were TTC. Now I'm suppose to tell them that it's over. I can't face the reality.

 

baby1234 - February 6

Ema, i am so sorry you are going through this! TTC is so hard and can do so much damage to relationships! I strongly suggest you go to talk to someone about all that is happeniing, and if possible, get dh to go too. My dh and I did counseling and it did help make things better for us. Hugs to you...

 

Lucky717 - February 6

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. My prayers are with you ema. Please seek help immediately. This is a tough situation and you deserve support right now. There has to be more then this. Try and get to counseling immediately and get to the bottom of things. I wish the best for you and take care of yourself. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!! You are a strong woman and have a whole forum of ladies who can provide support. Keep us all posted. God Bless!!

 

RainbowBJW - February 6

ema52 - This H of yours (he doesn't deserve the "D" in DH) is the miserable failure, HIM NOT YOU. He obviously wanted to marry a baby factory, be glad you didn't have children with him. He is obviously so mentally and emotionally abusive to you he would have made a horrible father! This was God's way of saving your future children from this monster, they are meant to be born to you and a REAL father. You just haven't met him yet. **HUGS**

 

star_4_baby - February 6

i will say good it happened now because you know what kind of person he is........you deserve to be with someone very nice...sorry but..not with this jerk....this is not marriage all about...come on open your eyes girl....take care

 

Tink - February 6

wow, you are in my prayers. would you want a man that will desert you during the tough times to be a father to your children? probably not. what is he going to do when the going gets tough once you have kids? leave? again? I say you are better off. I know it is hard, you've invested 3 years and love him. but marriage is about compromise and support.....the good times and the BAD. he obviously can't cut the bad. my guess is you are right and the IF is just an excuse for a deeper lying problem. try and talk to him about and figure out the real cause. and in the meantime, seek help- talk to someone, friends, family or professional help. you don't need to be alone during this. you are in my thoughts. i know IF is hard and the last thing you need is more stress. but my guess is, it is more than just the IF that is wrong and something else is really the root of the problem. good luck,

 

caribangell - February 6

ema52. sweetie your in my prayers too. Did your Dh got tested too? if so, maybe his sperms are not welcomed in your precious womb!!! God has not forgotten you, someone famous once said when God has not answered our prayers even for years he is just giving us more time to pray and get closer to God. your Dh is not worth the effort, pray for him try not to be too angry with him because he is just a man. but believe me God may send you another one that belongs to him and he will bless you with more pretty babies than you can handle. Hold on and trust God, he loves you and know whats best for you.Blessings and baby dust to you( you will have babies)

 

ema52 - February 6

Thank you for all the support. I called in sick at work and stayed home. I just hope I get the courage to seek help. Thank you for your prayers.

 

cspears99 - February 6

Ema52 that is just horrific what he is doing to you, especially with everything you are going through, maybe he feels ashamed and embarressed that he can't get YOU pregnant not the other way around or it's an excuse and he is ass that doesn't deserve you!!!

 

trixiebee - February 7

I'm sorry to hear you're going through bad times. However, when you say "everything else was going great" cannot be true. Either he's covering something up (and using this as an excuse) or one of you is walking around with blinders on to another major problem. There's a big white elephant in the room, find it. Good luck.

 

slowpoke01 - February 7

ema- i am not taking up for your dh but maybe he is feeling bad because he may think that the ttc problem lies with him and not you. he may be like my dh my dh knows the problem is with him and he tells me that i should find someone younger because he knows how bad i want kids and i tell him that i didnt want anyone younger or i would have never gotten with him. after 10 years of being together and nto getting pregnant i went to an re and the problem is with my dh. he has very few live sperm and the ones that are alive dont swim good, so dh decided that we use a donor. if your dh is refusing a sperm analysis he may be thinking that the problem lies with him and that you would be better off with someone else. my dh tells me that all the time. i hate to hear that you are going through this right now but like the others say maybe it is for the better. talk to your dh and ask him what is going on. tell him that he needs to get a sperm analysis before he blames you for not getting pregnant after a year of trying. ttc takes a toll on our dh's as well and sometimes we forget that. if he wont get a sperm analysis then maybe he already knows that the problem is with him. good luck and take care.

 

cromwell - February 7

Ema--I am sorry you are going through this. You may be in for some rough days. Please know this, though, the conception was NOT the issue. You may never know what the problem was, but this was an excuse, pure and simple. And trust me, please trust all of us, that this was not who you needed to make a baby with. That is the kind of man that can't be there for you during the hard times. And as almost everyone has said, he would make a lousy dad (what if one of his kids didn't "meet" his expectations????) Anyway, it will be tough for awhile, but trust ALL of us who have been down the road of breakup, there is someone out there you are meant to be with. You need to get counseling to have someone to talk to. Laurie

 

mother2Bsoon - February 7

Ema - I am praying for you and your faith in the Lord. He is still in full control. This is possibly a huge blessing for you and your future children. Reach out to God, He is right there and ever ready to comfort you. May His Peace be with you now and forever!

 

AntsWife - February 15

Emma52- God didn't forget you, it looks like he just bumped you up to first priority. What a gift it is to be released of a lifelong committment to a man like that- Your nature is probably too good to have done it yourself and the simple truth is it probably had to be done. Look at the fact that he wouldn't go for a sperm analysis and then used your ttc issues as an excuse. It's clear he's a coward and not telling you the truth. He has no consideration for your feelings and would rather pummel you into the ground than sit down and discuss your problems. It may just be that the whole ttc issues were also part of this gift and prevented you from having a child with this man that has not grown up yet himself. As for your family and facing them- well, you can probably expect them to be just as surprised as you were yourself, but this is your family, not his. And they're in your court no matter what. Anyone of them who isn't doesn't deserve the title of family anyway. I am sorry though for the process you are going through. No matter what the circumstances it's still a loss for you. I just pray that in time you see him for who he really is. That should make it easier.

 

iampg - February 17

I heard somewhere that it takes up to 10 times to leave a relationship. If this is just the first blow up, it may not be over. You just don't know how to argue as a couple yet. I can imagine in the heat of the moment, couples say things to eachother that they regret later. I don't think it's over between you until you say it is and i'm not hearing that you're done yet. I think it's typical for women to carry the emotional power and the men the financial. A divorce lawyer would say kick him where it hurts - in his wallet. good luck. I personally don't think any supernatural being ( should one even exist) has anything to do with this - you do. can you forgive him and move on.

 

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