Can not get my mind off it.
24 Replies
MAD - September 8

I need to vent and I am sorry!!!!
I can not stop thinking about having a baby. My family is tired of hearing about it and so are my friends. I want one so bad that it is all I can think of morning, noon, and night. My SIL just let us all know that she is due in April and all I want to do is scream!!!!!! WHY CAN IT NOT BE ME!!!!!! I just sit here and cry thinking what have I done to not have the baby of my dreams. When I asked my SIL if they were tring she told me that they don't belive in birthcontroll and God will give good people a baby. So what I am not a good person and that is way I don't have a baby. What the F@@@. Sorry I just needed to get that off my chest. Someone tell me I'm not crazy.

 

Julie - September 8

You're DEFINATELY not crazy. There is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling. I have lost 4 pregnancies and was wondering what was wrong with me. Everyone around me was getting pregnant like rabbits. The doctors in the clinic were conversing about it one day saying it was something in the water because of all the pregnancies they had to deal with. Everyone, everywhere was getting pregnant except for me. It is VERY frustrating. I was visiting my in laws and their family because my husbands grandfather died. I had just lost my baby a few weeks before but everyone in the family didn't know about it. Turns out my DH's cousin couldn't attend the funeral because she was giving birth to a beautiful baby boy. Everyone was so happy and excited about the new baby, I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. They couldn't understand why I wasn't happy for her. Of course, I am happy for her - hooray. But I kept thinking, why could that not have been me??? What was wrong with me?? I got checked out by the doctors and they couldn't find anything. My DH had his little swimmers counted and they were all there and swimming just fine. So, I don't really know what to tell you other then you are not crazy nor are you alone. It took 11 YEARS for me to get pregnant again. That's a long friggin time!!! Don't give up hope!

 

MAD to Julie - September 8

I am sorry for your losses. Thank you for telling me I am not crazy. I just can not get anything else in my mind. I am 10 to AF and I also think my mind is playing tricks on me because i am getting signs(sore bbs, backache, sickness and this is going to sound strange but I am aware of my lower stomach) I know that it's just in my head but it hurts not to think it could be. I wish you all the luck and Baby dust to you.

 

Amanda - September 8

i know exactly what you are going through.i have been ttc for 19months and in that time 6 people have become pregnant even tho only 1 was trying.everytime i hear the words coming out of their mouths it rips a piece of my heart out and i just want to go home and hide under my blankets and cry. the last person who i know that has become pregnant (my sister in law) was the worse by far because i have been ttc for longer then her and her husband have known each other and they are already having problems in the marriage. it doesnt seem fair that everyone gets pregnant so easily and the thing that really hurts is that they were not even trying.i feel bad that i cant feel happy for them,no matter how hard i try i just cant and that makes me feel like a horrible person but i cant change it.
I cant even stand to go to family gatherings anymore because i dont want to run into them and see their bellies swell,so i dont really go out anymore.everytime i talk to a friend of mine i always ask them well are you pregnant to? because i dont want them just blurting it out unexpectantly.I think about it 24 hours a day and no matter what i do to occupy myself it just creeps back into my head.i feel like i am going to go crazy if it doesnt happen soon and i am constantly thinking i have pregnancy symptoms so i run out everytime i feel alittle sick and get a pregnancy test (lots of money) and of course they come out neg.it is so frustration every month when i get af and then have to start the opks and check cm and cp and ovulation pain and it just goes on and on and on!!
Just dont give up hope,and odds are you will be pregnant pretty soon..sorry i guess i had to vent a little to.

 

MAD to Amanda - September 8

Don't worry you are not a bad person for thinking that way. It is really hard to deal with all of this and having to see people in your life having what you don't it is normal for the green eyed monster to come out. Just remember that you are not alone in all of this. I have been ttc for 6 years now and in that time both of my SIL have had 2 kids each and my Best friend had a baby a couple of months ago. It is hard and I am the kinda person that gets mad when the DONT let me be a part of it. I hate when people that are pg or have kids don't talk to you because they think you dont know what you are talking about. I know more then most of them about kids. Amanda you are not a bad person so don't think that way. Also just for you FYI I found a web site that sells HPT in bulk. I was spending money on tests too and I can not spend that much so the sell them at .94 each so 10 tests was only 8.00. Let me know if you want to know the site. Good luck and if you need to talk I'm here.

 

dee - September 8

i am in the same boat. Have been trying for 12 months. Found out I have PCO. Have been taking clomid for the last 3 cycles. Found out today that i didnt ovulate this cycle. Really down in the dumps. My dh is sick and tired of hearing about it as well.

 

MAD to Dee - September 8

I am sorry but man do I know what you are feeling. I know that my DH wants a baby but he is really tired of me talking about it. I am getting really bad to the point that I have been talking about names and the nursery. Man I need help.

 

KellyN - September 8

Can I join. I'm feeling blue today because my temps went down and pre-af spotting is here. I know for a fact that af is only a day or two away, and am very dissappointed. Keep thinking 'what am I doing wrong' and that maybe I shouldn't have eaten that piece of chocolate cake or maybe I exercise too much, or maybe I don't get enough sleep. Then I look out and see all these people getting pg by accident, and the pg sticks! How is it possible that this is happening to me?? Since I found out about my PCOS my world has been turned all over! I've been eating all these things that I don't normally like. I'm spending more money on organic foods, since I heard PCOS may be caused by growth hormones and preservatives in regular food. I'm taking all these meds that mess with my system. My ovulation is SOOOO painful now! And my IUI was no picnic. All of this and all I get is af. On top of that I have to tell dh tonight. He will be very dissapointed too. And to boot we will not be able to try next month because dh is out of town on business all month long. I'm thinking seriously about throwing in the towel because I so want to be a happy care-free person, but then again I really want a kid more than anything.

 

Mrs Vent - September 8

Ladies, I'm going to jump in your boat too! I completely understand where all of you are coming from. We have been trying for 5 years and have had 2 laps for ENDO and for an ovarian drilling for PCOS been on clomid and various other treatments..and guess what NONE of them worked. My SIL told me over the weekend she is going to start trying and knowing my luck she will fall pregnant before me as have the 12 other people who I am close to who have popped 1/2 kids since we started. I was down in the dumps, desperate and so very sad a couple of weeks back until I heard a few words of wisdom from another woman who I now call my angel sent from above. She was in the same boat as us and finally needed IVF after 10 years of trying. She said don't get upset for people who fall pregnant be happy for them as you would want them to be happy for you when you do. She hit the nail on the head when she said people don't call you to ask "how you are". People get sick of hearing about my problems and my dreams of having a baby that no-one asks about how I am anymore. No matter what I say is not going to change how you feel, but start living life! All I know is that I'm going to appreciate my DH for being patient with me and spend more quality time with him instead of me nagging him to get to bed when I ovulate or to wear boxers to keep his swimmers healthy. We have now booked into see a fertility specialist in 2 weeks and I am happy with that decision but petrified at the same time. Just going with the flow now...only time will tell if I lose it again..

 

Angel - September 8

Hey everyone im gonna hope in here also i just found out that three of my closest friends at work are all pregnant and only one of them had been trying to get that way i was soo hurt when they told me but i acted happy for them it hurt me alot though my husband and i have only been trying since nov 2004 but it seems like forever since we started trying cause we didnt find out that i was not ovulating until june 27 so im hoping that this month may be my month i was on clomid and metformin and im pretty sure that i ovulated so im hoping and praying that everything will work out for us...my sister just told me a couple weeks ago that she and her boyfriend are going to try and have a baby and that pretty much tore my heart out cause she has gotten pregnant twice before but she miscarried both times so i know that she wont have any trouble getting pregnant so i havent really talked to her much lately and now i will be working with her so i will see her everyday and i dont know if i can handle that but i have to well everyone i hope that you all have good luck and lots of baby dust

 

MAD - September 8

WOW when I posted this I did not think that there were so meany people that felt like me. Thank you so much you all have helped me. Today is a new day and I plan on trying to go 1 hour without thinking about baby's I will let you all know how that goes. If anyone would like to start a e-pal with me you can e-mail me at [email protected] I would love to write and talk. I don't go here that offten. Good luck to all and baby dust.

 

shirece - September 10

hi ladies, i think we're all in the same boat here. i don't know what it is about sil...but i'm about sick of it!! i too have been ttc since april with no luck yet. i recently found out that my sil is due in april. i was so pissed i could of killed her!! it makes me sick b/c i feel that she did it on purpose. thats all i think about. everyone tells me to find something to take up my time and not to think about it, but its really really hard not to. 24/7 ive got baby on the brain. and everyboyd around me is getting knocked up the 1st time. i'm like what the heck is wrong w/me?? anyways..i know my family and friends are sick of me talking about and hating on the girls who are prego but i cant help it. no one understands what its like to try and try w/no success. it sucks!! im even starting to think my mind is playing tricks on me. my period is due next wk but i'm having prego symptoms like some nausea, back ache, headache.. im like man i hope im prego but i cant get my hopes up b/c i know i'll only be dissapointed. i dont want to be one of the ones that has been trying for years. i dont understand why i cant get prego. i'm a woman..im supposed to be able to reporduce!! i just pray to the good Lord that good things come to those who wait. i just hope i dont have to wait that long. baby dust to all of you!!

 

Karen - September 10

Hi to all... I understand where everyone is coming from. My best friend is due Jan 18th and I cried when she told me she was prego. I cried when my other good friend told me she was prego which was a week after my best friend did. My SIL has had 4 kids- all were on ACCIDENT. What the hell!!!! I can't take it anymore. Everyone I see at work is pregnant and everything I see is about being pregnant. I basically try to pretend I am not trying so I don't have to feel like I am desperate and a failure in the eyes of others. My problem is my hubby and I have been trying for 8 months and I recently figured out that I don't ovulated eventhough I have been having monthly bleeding like a period. Soon I am to start clomid which makes me nervous. I just wish I could be like all my friends and just get off the pill and be prego the next month!! Thanks to all for listening and being there. I am glad to be able to talk to someone! Good luck to eveyone! :)

 

Mindi - September 10

I know what you mean Mad....my dh brother's girlfriend is prego with their 3rd child, his other brother's girlfriend is prego with their first, my bf just had a baby girl, friend's sister who is still in college just found out she is 4 1/2 months prego, what the hell is wrong with this picture??? I have done all the things right and in order and still no baby!

 

Cynthia - September 10

Hey, I sympathize with you. It's so hard to get it off your mind after waiting so long. My SIL was younger and got married after being with her bf for two years, one of wihch they were engaged, while all I got was common law and now he only ttc's halfheartedly after years of coaxing. When we talk about his SIL sometimes all I can think of is, if she gets pregnant before me, he has exactly one more cycle to perform before his ass is going out on the curb and he can go live with her and her husband, because I'm never speaking to any of them again. Maybe it's not fair. But if I were in your shoes I would not be able to feel happy for her until I got pregnant too. You have every right to vent.

 

Sandy - September 11

Me too...i have been trying for 4 years...and just started seeing a fertility specialist.....and i found out 3 weeks ago my sister is pregnant and her baby is due march.......my cousin is also pregnant but decided not to have it.....i can't even imagine...i took my last pill of Femara yesterday and i pray it works...i have pcos but i always have a period but it last from 15-25 days.....i took bc last month to get regular....and then started Femara....so i wish you all good look and may god bless you and me with a child...[email protected]

 

libby - September 11

i'm another one with this problem i think about it day and night drive everyone crazy to the point some people now avoid me because they just don't know what to say to me any more i am for ever thinking i have symptoms and notice everyone that is pregnant at one stage i had my sister step-mum and sister-in-law all pregnant at once and it always felt like they were all trying to rub it into me because they were excited and told everyone every thing that went on in the pregnancy and it always felt like they were doing it to me on perpose although i now relise they weren't but it just hurt expecally because none of them were trying sorry i just need to vent

 

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