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i am soo sorry your dh is being distant...have you asked why he seems not interested? maybe he's just nervous about becoming a new father again since it has been a while. guys are weird like that...my dh was acting weird with me when i first asked if we could start trying and i asked him what was wrong and he said he was just nervous and that he didn't know if he was really ready to be a father yet. i told him that if he's not comfortable with the idea then maybe we should wait another year (if he only knew then that it would be over 2 yrs before we actually would get pg!), but he said it was ok and now everytime i'm even a little late he starts asking if i might be pg. hopefully you guys can come to an agreement because i know how bad you want this and i think you really deserve another beautiful baby after 8 yrs of waiting. that thing that you said about your aunt and how she was supposed to be a twin...i saw a show on that on the discovery channel and it was really interesting because this one lady had 2 different types of dna and her blood stream carried her dna, but her organs some how produced different dna (what was supposed to be her twins dna) and when she had her children, because they grow in the uterus, they had the twins dna and not their mothers...it was crazy. i was thinking about getting some weights for home, but i've mostly been looking at treadmills as i dont like going to the gym either. i had a membership at Las Vegas Athletic Club for 2 years and only went a handful of times because i dont like how other people just stare at you sometimes...it makes me feel uncomfortable. they had a womens gym but guys would come and poke their heads around to look in, so i just stopped going. and i was just kidding with you about the half day thing...i just have half day envy. :o) i was ready to go home like 8 hours ago! work has been kind of slow today, but because some lady complained the last time we had a half day we're not allowed to have them anymore. :o( but i think i'm going to try to schedule some vacation time between now and june because we dont have any other 3 day weekends coming up until then and i need time to relax as i usually use my weekends to clean. well i'm going to go now, so i will talk to you on Monday. have a good weekend and i hope you work things out with your hubby.

Hi Dee.. I hope that it is cold feet for him.. since he started going to school he just seems distant.. I am just not too happy today.. we don't have discussions anymore..it is all about him..always.. whatever feelings I have to be dealt with on my own or they are silly.. I am really hurt right now.. I would just really like dh to want to spend time with me.. instead today he just wanted to go to the gym to work out.. even know I wanted to spend time with him.. he said I could go wtih him ..but how the heck on earth is that spending time with him??!!! he does one thing I do another.. I am lucky if he looks at me.. sorry just venting.. maybe I have PMS?? who knows.. any way.. talk to you monday.. *~baby dust~*

spotting just a bit today.. starting to loose hope

AF showed up yesterday.. cd2 today.. after cd47 days! oh well.. wonder if I will ever have another child ever again..8yrs of trying is frustrating..

hey i will be back on here later, but they are about to put my internet down for an hour. so i'll talk to you in a bit.

Hi Dee.. AF is here and boy is she making herself known.. geshhh! I never bleed this much.. so I called th dr as this is not normal for me.. I hope that I did not MC.. anyway.. talk to you more later.. back to work.. *~Baby Dust~
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hey holly, how are you doing? sorry i haven't posted...works been a little crazy. 2 of the girls in my office are sick right now and the new girl doesn't really know anything, so i've been pretty busy. i'm so sorry that things with you and your dh aren't going so well. have you tried to talk to him and see if you both can set one day a week or every other week aside for family time...family is definitely more important than the gym...even if it's just a couple of hours. i dont want to be too nosy, but is he older? maybe he's having a mid life crisis. my mom is having one of those...she started working out and going out to clubs because she said she's starting to feel old and she doesn't want to be old yet...and i guess that's her way of coping with it. sometimes people just dont know how to accept that they are aging. i really hope that you can both work something out though. well last night me and my dh got into a huge fight. i have a nextel walkie-talkie phone and the runner (he delivers packages) for our office beeped in on my phone (and i had left it home) to ask me about a package and my dh heard the runner asking where i was at, and thought that i was having an affair. he called my job and started screaming at me calling me almost every name in the book and then hung up on me. then when i came home we really got into it...i asked him why he thinks that i would want to cheat on him when we're trying to start a family together and why would i want to throw everything away after trying to build a life with him for the last 4 years...he thought about it and started crying and told me he's sorry and that he just didn't want to lose me. so we talked for a few more hours and didn't end up going to bed until almost midnight. i just wish he would ask me and talk to me about it instead of calling me and freaking out. so that's my drama for the week. i'm sorry af showed up and i really hope it wasn't a mc either. has your dr checked your estrogen and progesterone levels to see if they are good or not? my friend miscarried because she didn't have enough progesterone to hold the baby or something like that. i really hope you can get all this figured out...i would really like to see you post "i'm pregnant!" one of these months. holly i keep you in my prayers every day in hopes that you'll get a bfp and eventually have a beautiful little boy or girl. keep your head up...there's always a rainbow after the storm...sometimes the storm just sticks around for a while before clearing up. good luck this month...bed every other day if possible until your next af arrives and hopefully she just wont arrive at all. i have faith in both of us and i know we can get through this tough time as long as we have each other to vent to. :o) well i'm on cd 10 and ready to start making a baby...hopefully it works this month. good luck and i'll talk to you later.

bumpin us back up there...

I will write tomorrow as my day has absolutly SUCKED!!! The reason why dh and I don't have a child is because of our relationship.. Funny how they can go back to there old ways..12YEARS I have spent with him...sorry I am really upset right now..I will write more tomorrow and read your post..sorry..

are you ok??? the post you wrote doesn't sound like things are going well...please let me know cause i am worried about you.

Hi Dee.. doing a bit better today.. just had one of those really long weeks. I have
been working so much and hubby and I were not getting along too well this week. I
am sorry to read your post too late.. so sorry that you and dh got into a fight.. I know
the feeling. Funny how guys will take things the wrong way. My hubby just did not tell
me something and hid it from me so when I later found out I got really upset.. He
was going to go to some outing this Saturday with guys from school and he only
had one ticket to go.. he never told me that he was going to go and I found the ticket
in his wallet.. he got mad at me when I found it and was not very nice with his tone of
voice... Last time he had spoken (screamed) at me was a long time ago.. so I was
not too happy about this. I was already having a really stressed out day.. one of
those days where I turned on the garborator and there was a fork in there.. burned
my dinner which I did not eat until 9pm that night.. so yeah.. it was one of those
weeks. I am glad that you and dh had a talk and worked things out by the sounds of
it. Don't you hate it that men will jump to conclusions?! They like to assume allot of
things. Regarding the levels.. progesterone and estrogen..they said that they were
ok.. I really think that the reason why no baby yet.. is life.. my stress.. and just the
uncertainty some days. I pray for you as well Dee that you get that BFP.. one of
should be pg sometime this year.. hopefully you.. I go to see the dr next month.. but I
really don't want to do the super ovulation with IUI.. I really am for the more natural
thing.. and like I mentioned before I think I know the reason why I have not been pg
yet again. I really thought that this last month that I was as AF took so darn long to
show up! Then she was here for 6 days.. and I feel yucky after she is gone and
really cranky.. AMS... after menstrual cycle syndrome.. lol.. I get feeling depressed
and not too happy.. hope that this weekend is better and that hubby keeps his word
and stays home and does not start any more fights with me.. Daughter is having a
sleep over tonight..OMG! lol so from the time that they pick me up from work until
tomorrow morning two 9yr olds will be in y 800sq ft home..lol I hope that the sleep..
yeahhh right! I remember sleep overs with my best friend.. we would try to stay
awake forever.. lol Then tomorrow I get to pick up my car .. long story short.. just
bought it 2.5months ago.. and there were things wrong with it and there should not
have been because on the inspection report every thing was in good condition..
heck they could not even get the tires of the darn car as they have stupid locking
lug nuts on them.. grrrrr!! so there is no way that they could have checked the
brakes etc.. so they lied..the lock was not included with our car so how would we
change a spare tire? The shop at the car dealership could not even get the tires
off.. anyway.. sorry venting.. I feel a bit off.. can't wait to go home in 8 min..woo hoo!
Thank you for being concerned about me.. I am better today.. hope that you are ok..
how are things? Talk to you later.. *~Baby Dust~*

Dee~ I can understand your frustration... I have been trying to pregnant & just hasn't happened for me yet. My co-workers all seem to be getting pregnant & dont even want to be. Anyhow... some input... I had an HSG done because my doctor wanted to perscribe Clomid to me, but before I started taking it she wanted me to get the HSG done, because what' s the use in taking it if my tubes are blocked. We did the test & sure enough my right tube was blocked, so I had laproscopy done. Now I take Progesterone for 10 days to get my period going ( I am irregular) & then on the 5-9th day of cycle I take 100mg of clomid. Have you tried taking this yet? I just finished my first cycle. Not pregnant yet but it was just the first cycle. I have read a lot of good about Clomid. It helps the process of producing more of the hormones that trigger ovulation prompting your ovaries to produce 1 or more mature eggs. Just thought I would see if you were given that option yet... If not I would definately ask about it. Good luck... Jennifer :-)

hey holly...i'm glad to hear from you, i was a little worried on how you were doing. i'm sorry that your dh was being a butt-head and that you had such a bad day. so was mine...i wonder if it's something in the air that's causing them to be so grumpy lately?? yeah, i've gotten into fights with my dh about him hiding stuff from me too. my big issue is if we're going to spend the rest of our lives together, then why do you hide things? but i just think my dh lives in his own world sometimes (mars).lol i know what you mean about not getting pg because of stress...i sometimes think that is my problem too. like yesterday, my boss and i got into it pretty bad. so now this weekend my goal is to get a new job ASAP. i'm only a receptionist and my boss told me i need to start doing more work around the office and i got really mad about that because i have been opening new orders for the last 3 months, because we dont have an opener at our office right now since about 30 people left the company in november. so i told her i'm not doing any extra work because i feel like they are using me since i have been working here for 10 months and have never gotten a raise or a comission check (openers are intitled to a comission check once a month) since i started. well i guess this made her mad and she told me "fine then you can just stay a receptionist" and then i told her it doesn't really make a difference since that's all i've been this whole time even though i've been opening orders-which i probably shouldn't have said, but i couldn't hold it back after she gave me that much attitude. and she hasn't said one word to me since then...so i dont want to stay here in this type of invironment. any who- i always wanted to do this the natural way too, but lately i'm starting to think that i am willing to do anything to have a baby at this point. depending on how long it takes me to find a new job and have my insurance kick in i want to have an hsg done. i'm hoping i can get that done in the next 3 months because after the hsg and depending on the results, (if they are bad) i will try iui. i just have to figure out the main problem as to why i'm not getting pg first. then hopefully it will be easy sailing as far as getting pg is concerned. i know what you mean about af showing up late and making you think your pg...it's bad enough the b!*$# shows up at all and it's even worse when she shows up late. lol i usually get the pms for about a week before i start...i feel so bad for my hubby on those days. i hope you and your dh dont fight anymore either. wow, a sleep over. my mom has pictures of me and my friend having a sleep over when we were like 9 and we were putting on a play and singing- in the pic i'm wearing the dress i wore to my dad's wedding (to another woman) with a purple boa and sunglasses. i must have thought i was on my way to hollywood! lol that should be soo fun. a couple of weeks ago i went and baby sat my 2 younger cousins (girl is 6 and the boy is 4) and i played dress up with them and pretended we were going to prom...it made me want to have a baby so much more. it was cute because the little boy had on an incredibles costume and we were dancing to "i'm to sexy for my shirt"- i had a blast. :o) so did they take off the tires so you dont have to worry about it later? i hate the way car dealerships try to bs you all of the time...it's not fair. alright well i have to get out of here in like 5 minutes, so i will talk to you on monday...have a good weekend and fun with the girls! :o)

Hi Dee.. so glad to know that someone else can understand my stress. I am doing a bit better today. hubby and I had a bit more fight left in us..guess it has something to do with the moon.. every time that there is a new moon I seem to get very emotional. Like you say guys are from Mars!! lol They like to not take the time most of the time to figure us out.. my hubby is so predictable that I know most of the time what he will say or do.. that is scary.. lol I hope that you find some kind of work that you like to do and where they treat you a lot better.. I have been with my job now for just over a year and I have already got a pay increase..but if I want more that is up to the union.. which is a pain to wait for them.. oh well. I too am a receptionist.. right now.. don't want to do it forever.. but it pays the bills. I hope that the hsg tells you something.. they are really not that painful.. just gives you really bad cramps.. I found out that my tubes were ok.. so I am going to narrow it down to stress.. My daughter was sick last night so I was up at 2am.. omg! so no work for me today.. she is doing better now but her throat is so sore.. her tummy was a bit upset too.. but she is ok. I was pondering the having another child thing.. when she is sick it totally upsets me.. I don't like seeing her sick.. one of those parent things. My mother told me to go for the IUI but I really don't think that we can afford it.. insurance won't cover it and I sure as heck don't have the extra money with dh in school.. so I have no idea what we will do.. maybe clomid again in the future? AF is such a pain in the A$$!! I really truly thought that I was pg.. about PMS.. omg! I was so not a nice person to be around 2 days before AF showed up.. and after all I can do is cry.. my eyes are so swollen today from crying so much this weekend.. everything was getting to me. I think my hubby wanted to run away .. he stayed away for much of the weekend... hid in the other room. The sleep over went great.. we took them to see Hoodwinked.. funny movie.. made tacos and had popcorn.. they went to sleep about 11pm.. thank goodness!! lol I miss having sleep overs.. Miss doing the girl stuff.. hair/makeup/dancing/baking at 2am..lol talking about boys..etc.. geshh love this grown up stuff. guess I need to get out more.. lol sounds like you had a alot of fun with your cousins.. We got our car back.. so we had to pay a min payment and the car place covered the rest.. boy can you tell that it needed the work on it! I don't like car sales people! Hope that you had a wonderful weekend!! Talk with you later.. :o)

bump

hey Holly. it's funny you said there's something in the moon that makes you get emotional...i swear i get that way too. i flipped out on dh on sunday over something stupid...i was yelling and crying because he didn't clean up the backyard like he said he would. i stopped after a while and was like, why the hell am i crying over the back yard not being cleaned up...so then i went and appologized for being a crazy lunatic. yeah, i'm just doing this to pay the bills too. i always wanted to be a neonatal nurse or a ultrasound tech...i just have to get caught up on my bills so i can start school. well, yesterday i had to go into a meeting with my boss (that i got into it with) and the human resource manager to talk about why i dont want to help out anymore. i basically told her i was promised a promotion before i even moved over to this office 6 months ago, and i've been helping out and i just dont like that they're making false promises to me and telling me i need to do more work and that i dont need the stress because it adds to my stomach problems. the human resource manager appologized about the false promises and said she'll work on getting me promoted. i dont know how long that will take, but i have an interview on sunday with another company and if they offer me better money than i'm going to go with them. i just hope this company has good insurance. is your daughter feeling better? i hope so because it sucks being sick. i stayed home on monday because i wasn't feeling well. how much longer will your dh be in school? if it's not to much longer, than maybe you guys can start setting everything up now so that when he's done with school you can start the iui. have you had a sperm analysis done on your dh yet? if so what were the results? because it's odd that nothings wrong with either of you and you cant get pg...it's weird how some people have unexplained fertility. it just makes me wonder why people cant get pg if there is nothing wrong with them. i guess that's God telling us he has something else in mind, huh? i'm sorry you had such a rough weekend...af can really get to you especially when you think she's not supposed to be coming to visit for a while. on the months i have sworn i was pg i have cried my eyes out when af showed up. dh doesn't get emotional, he just says something like, well there's always next month...which just makes me more emotional for some reason. i cant help it though...i finally start to think we did it and then af shows up. it's such a vicious cycle. well, that's good that the sleep over went well. yeah, sometimes i miss being able to have sleep overs and talk about the boys i liked and doing girly stuff too. i miss high school sometimes too...go figure, all i wanted to do when i was in school was get out and now i miss it. lol funny how life works out. hey i wanted to ask you-are you using an opk? if so what kind because i want to go buy a nice one and i cant decide between the microscope kind or the ones that are like pg tests. i bought cheapy ones from walgreens and i could never really tell if the one line was darker than the other, so i want some thing digital or the microscope kind. i just want to get pg this year so bad i am willing to do anything at this point. i never really wanted to do things like iui or ivf before, but now i'm at the point where i just want to have a baby and i am willing to do whatever it takes. i know God will give me a child when the time is right, but i'm going to see if there's anything i can do to speed things up. i think waiting for 2 yrs is long enough and i'm getting really impatient now. alright, well i'm going to stop writing my novel now and get back to work. i'll drop in later if i'm not to busy, otherwise i'll talk to you tomorrow. *~*baby dust*~*