****venting frustrations on ttc 4****
51 Replies
Dee - January 13

hey girls, i hope you find this one. it was good to hear from you Alycia, i was worried something happened to you. i know what you mean about being frustrated because you know you O'd and dh is not around. my dh works out of town sometimes and we have missed a couple months due to that. that sucks your computer went down...i hate when that happens. a lady i work with had to go buy another computer last week because her daughter downloaded a bunch of pictures and overloaded the hard drive on her other one or something...needless to say, she was not happy with her daughter. lol so how are things going with both of you? it seems we've all been pretty busy since the new year started. i'm good, except i noticed the prenatals i've been taking are giving me nausea in the morning. so i'm going to have to start taking those in the afternoon or something. other than that, not much new stuff happening with me. i'm on cd26 and waiting for that evil witch af to show up. not really looking forward to starting, but i know i'm going to. :o( well, i was talking to dh about the fact that it's been over 2 years and we still haven't got pg yet and he pretty much told me he's not comfortable with getting an SA done. which really made me frustrated because i really want to be pregnant by my next b-day and at this rate i just dont see that happening unless we get help. so i think i'm going to see if i can get an hsg done next time i see my dr, but if it comes out that i'm fine like it or not i will drag his butt down there to get an SA done. I WANT A BABY! i just wish he'd be more cooperative with this. alright, well i have to go because i have some work to do, but i'll be back on here later. *~*baby dust*~*


Holly - January 13

found the post..good idea Dee.. :o)I have to write when I get home..leaving work.. talk to you ladies later.. *~Baby Dust~*


Dee - January 14

well i'm heading home, but i wanted to say have a good weekend and i'll talk to you both on tuesday. *~*baby dust*~*


Holly - January 14

Hi Dee.. thanks for starting the new topic.. Alycia..good to hear from you and know that you are ok. Frustration is a key word for me today... I am cd41 I took a HPT (yes I broke down) and it is negative! What the heck is up with my body?! De... maybe try the prenatals at night so when you are asleep you may not feel as sick. ..I hope thatt dh gets a SA done.. it is not painful and it would really help figure out what is going on for you .. the HSG is a good think to get done for piece of mind.. I will cross fingers that dh becomes more cooperative for you... I understand your frustration.. Have a great weekend! Talk to you ladies on Monday.. *~Baby Dust~*


Holly - January 15

cd42 days... just a bit of cramping but no AF yet..waiting for her.. *~Baby Dust~*


..... - January 16



...... - January 17

bumping us up


Dee - January 17

hey goodmorning! yeah, i thought it was a good title...it was either that or the "why can a 15 yo get pg and i cant" one.lol speaking of not getting pg-af arrived for me yesterday at like 4 in the morning and i could not go back to sleep my cramps were so bad...so i had a really crappy day. i took like 4 advil this morning so i could make it through the day, but i came really close to calling in. i kind of wish i did to because my manager is gone and this floater came in to fill in for her and i cant stand her...she is a witch. i went on a bathroom break and she starts asking everyone if i even came in today...i'm like HELLO- i was in the bathroom for like 5 minutes...give me a break. anyways, i found out that this girl i used to work with is pregnant with her 4th child and all of her kids have different fathers. i guess the father of her last born took the baby from her because she would just leave the baby at different peoples houses and i guess she hasn't seen that child for almost a year now...and again i'm going to ask-why can someone who doesn't care about the children they already have, have more children and i'm over here pulling my hair out trying for my first one?!? i just dont understand why life works this way? oh yeah, about 2 weeks ago a friend of dh's asked him when we were going to have a little one and dh turned the question around on him (we haven't told anyone because we dont want everyone asking if we're pg yet every month)and they just told us him and his girl found out they are expecting...i swear i'm cursed or something. every single person i know has a kid or is expecting. i just dont understand why it cant be me? why cant i get pg? and why is it that people who aren't even trying are getting pg and i'm trying everything i can w/o anything...there's a post on here that says exactly how i feel right now-"i feel like a failure". 2 years holly and nothing, i'm just getting so frustrated! i know you have been trying for a lot longer than i have, but at least you have got to experience pregnancy and birth and holding your own baby and that baby calling you mommy...not just someone elses child. that's all i want...i just want to experience pregnancy, birth, holding my very own baby, and hearing that baby call me mommy. i'm tired of getting my "baby fix" from holding and playing with my friends kids...i just want one of my own. sorry to go on like this, but between my pms and finding out that 3 more women i know are pg i'm just getting angry with myself and the world. angry because i do everything in my power every month to get pg and every month all i get is af. i just dont know what to do anymore because i really dont want to have to do ivf or any of that stuff. i dont want invasive surgeries to get pg or figure out why i'm not getting pg, but at this rate it's the only thing i see in my future for any chance at having my own baby. i just really wanted to do this as naturally as possible. and i think that's why i'm mostly angry right now because i feel like i have no control, not that i'm a control freak, i just feel like i have absolutely no control over what's going on in my own body every month. as much as i try to time everything perfectly and try new things to help, it just doesn't work. not charting temps, not opk's, not even not thinking about it works. i'm going to try acupuncture, but if it doesn't work i dont know what i'll do. i just feel bad because every time someone tells me they're pg i cant be completely happy for them even though i want to. i mean a new life is always a good cause for celebration, but lately i feel like crying every time i hear "i'm pregnant" from someone and that makes me feel like a bad person. i want to be excited for my friends, i should be excited for them, but it's really hard for me. again i'm sorry about going on like this, but i just feel really down today after hearing about 3 friends all getting pregnant this month and i'm over here with cramps and af. well i'm going to get off of here before i start crying at work...so i'll talk to you later.


einfanti - January 17

Dee, WOW- now that's a venting! You are absolutely not a bad person. Somehow, I think you are happy for your friends in your heart. It's just that what you are feeling closest to the surface is the pain, so it feels like you resent them. We all wear our pain just under the skin, so it's hard to get under it to the joy. But try, even for one moment. It will help. Rejoice in the little things and it will be just a little easier to get thru the crap. Keep faith and keep venting - keeping it in never helps!


Holly - January 18

So sorry..omg busy at work.. will write when at home later.. *~Baby Dust~*


Holly - January 19

Hi Dee.. sorry that I did not write anything for a couple days.. work has been hectic and I am doing some painting for a project... lol I like the alternative title..lol sorry to hear about AF showing up.. pain when it is that time of morning.. may I ask what cd were you on? I am on cd45 and AF has not shown up yet.. for a week and a half now I have had a couple cramps..but very mild.. bloating.. uncomfortableness.. (sry can't spell.lol) I have no idea what is going on.. took 2 tests.. and BFN on both..one had a slight line but I have had that happen in the past as well.. so I am confused.. sorry to hear about your day at work.. hope that you had a better day today.. 4th child!? some people...I guess some of those people don't know about BC .. that is sad when they have more kids when they are taken away from them.. my mother-in-law had 7 ..yes count them.. 7 kids and looks great! Must have been some cold nights on the farm..lol Sorry to hear about dh's friend.. it can be tough.. I know that it is.. I find that I am saying similar things.. you are NOT a failure! Try to remember that everything happens for a reason.. I have to keep telling myself that .. Yes I did get to experience being PG but I have no idea about giving birth..I was knocked out cold and had to have an emergency c-section.. one minute I was PG the next I was not.. really weird feeling! I know how you feel .. I feel that it will happen for you this year.. just a feeling that I have.. I am sorry that you feel so sad.. I am here to listen.. and venting is a good thing to do.. *~Baby Dust~*


Dee - January 19

thanks Holly. i was having a really rough day. it's just hard watching everyone around me getting pg right now and i'm still not. i need to just relax about the whole ttc thing, but it's really hard. even in December i told myself not to think about it and still caught myself keeping track of days and getting anxious right before af showed up. well i started af on cd 29 and right now i'm on cd 4 and getting ready for another month of trying to get pg. i cant believe you still haven't started your period yet. have you told your dr it still hasn't started? if you have, are they going to put you on new meds? i really hope they can find some way to get your cycle regulated. are you using opk's right now to see if/when you're Oing? hopefully that bfp hpt is right! how long did it take to read +? were they both the same kind of test or were they different? if anything just take another one in like 2-3 days...maybe try a digital one that just reads pg or not pg. hopefully you get another + hpt though! wow, 7 kids is a lot! my great aunt had 7 (5 singles and a set of twins) and i dont know how she did it...i would be exhausted! i've always wanted 4 children, but anymore than that and i think i would have more than i could handle. hey, you said you had your daughter by c-section...do you think you might have built up scar tissue from the insision? i heard that's a really big cause for secondary infertility. that sucks that they put you out for it...that must have been crazy to go to sleep with a huge tummy and wake up with it almost gone! did you freak out? i dont know how i would act if i went through that but i imagine i would be a little freaked out. i'm sure after seeing her you probably didn't care about that anymore though. :o) alright, well i'm going to get off of here before i write another novel! lol so i'll talk to you later! good luck and baby dust!!!!!


bump - January 20

bumpin' us up.....


Holly - January 20

You are welcome Dee.. I know what it is like to have a rough day like that..and watching everyone else getting pg.. I felt like that when both my sister-in-laws got pg at the same darn time.. but now they have two lovely little girls.. and I wish them the best..even though it gets to me now and then. I did call my dr’s office yesterday and the sent me for tests last night..they got them back this morning..omg! that was fast.. she said yep.. I did O (not to sure when) I thought it was the Friday after the last test… and that my progesterone level is at 14.5 (was at 3.3 on cd24) so I could be getting AF or I could be pg..but the blood test was negative..so she said if AF does not show up by next Thursday that I am to go for another blood pg test… I really don’t want to get my hopes up.. as I have had them crushed before. Yes..it would be nice to get a BFP.. I hope you get a BFP this year.. that would very cool. Now I am CD46 (did I give the wrong cd before? ) speaking of twins ..my mother would love me to have twins.. hahahaha lol.. we will see about that.. your great aunt is brave!! Lol I do think that I have scar tissue but they said that should not cause any problems.. I freaked out a bit after my stomach was gone.. (although I did not show all that much..sorry.. I was one of those women that could hide it well) Hope you have a good day at work.. I have a half day and I am going home!! I will keep you up to date! Have a wonderful weekend..don’t stress too much because I know I will be doing enough for the two of us..lol *~Baby Dust~*


Dee - January 20

it's good to hear that you O'd...and hopefully it does mean you're preggo! that would be so wonderful if we both get pg this year! it would definetly be a huge blessing. i think twins would be awesome to have. it might be a little extra work, but twice the fun too! my dh is a little scared of the posability of having twins (it runs in my family...great aunt and grandma were identical twins, great aunt had twins, and a cousin just had twins last year), but i think it would be the greatest gift to receive. i'm sure i probably wont have twins, but i would not mind at all if i did. hopefully scar tissue isn't what has kept you from becoming pg, but even if it is at least they can fix it. well i'm going to see a new ob/gyn here pretty soon and i'm hoping she'll want to be a little more aggressive about testing and such. i really want to get some answers soon because it's been well over a year. honestly (and i hate to point the blame on dh), but i think the fact that he is overweight, still smokes (but only 1 pack about every 3 days), and works in a hot machine all day has a lot to do with it. although he's working on quiting smoking and getting healthy it still going to be hard figuring out what to do about his job, because we cant nessicarily have him quit. but hopefully we can figure something out. that's cool that you didn't get too big while being pg....a lady i used to babysit for gained 86 pounds while pg with her daughter! i hope i get lucky like you did...i want the belly, but not that much. :o) alright, well i have to get back to work (unforunately i dont get a half day :oP), but i'll talk to you later today or on monday if i dont get a chance to come back on here. just in case i dont talk to you later, have a great weekend and i'm sending you all the baby dust i have so you can get that bfp!!


Holly - January 20

Hi Dee.. twins run on hubby's side of the family too.. his mother was a twin but the other one died during birth.. my aunt had extra fingers and toes..wierd I know..but she was going to be a twin but it never happend.. so it could happen.. I would not mind twins at all.. Hubby just seemed a little distant since I told him I could be pg.. but that is another story.. it is like he does not want more kids..but just going along with what I want? I don't know..it made me a little upset so I went shopping..lol got some new clothes..Good luck with your new ob/gyn hope that they can help out.. :o) good for your dh trying to quit smoking! I quit 5yrs ago.. and feel great..hubby quit 3.5yrs ago too and feels great! Tell him he can do it!! Maybe get some weights for home.. we have some at home as I don't really like to work out at the gym alot.. Sorry about working only half a day.. :o( I needed the time..like a mini vacation.. Have a great weekend! *~Baby Dust~*


Dee - January 21

i am soo sorry your dh is being distant...have you asked why he seems not interested? maybe he's just nervous about becoming a new father again since it has been a while. guys are weird like that...my dh was acting weird with me when i first asked if we could start trying and i asked him what was wrong and he said he was just nervous and that he didn't know if he was really ready to be a father yet. i told him that if he's not comfortable with the idea then maybe we should wait another year (if he only knew then that it would be over 2 yrs before we actually would get pg!), but he said it was ok and now everytime i'm even a little late he starts asking if i might be pg. hopefully you guys can come to an agreement because i know how bad you want this and i think you really deserve another beautiful baby after 8 yrs of waiting. that thing that you said about your aunt and how she was supposed to be a twin...i saw a show on that on the discovery channel and it was really interesting because this one lady had 2 different types of dna and her blood stream carried her dna, but her organs some how produced different dna (what was supposed to be her twins dna) and when she had her children, because they grow in the uterus, they had the twins dna and not their mothers...it was crazy. i was thinking about getting some weights for home, but i've mostly been looking at treadmills as i dont like going to the gym either. i had a membership at Las Vegas Athletic Club for 2 years and only went a handful of times because i dont like how other people just stare at you sometimes...it makes me feel uncomfortable. they had a womens gym but guys would come and poke their heads around to look in, so i just stopped going. and i was just kidding with you about the half day thing...i just have half day envy. :o) i was ready to go home like 8 hours ago! work has been kind of slow today, but because some lady complained the last time we had a half day we're not allowed to have them anymore. :o( but i think i'm going to try to schedule some vacation time between now and june because we dont have any other 3 day weekends coming up until then and i need time to relax as i usually use my weekends to clean. well i'm going to go now, so i will talk to you on Monday. have a good weekend and i hope you work things out with your hubby.



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